Page 2 of Scandalously Yours

“Do you want an epidural?” the nurse asked as she saw my discomfort.

I shook my head vehemently. The parents had requested I deliver naturally, if possible, and while it was a strange request, it was one I planned to honor. Elsa seemed relieved when I turned down the drugs, and I almost wished she could feel an ounce of what I did right now because it would’ve certainly made her consider changing her mind. Then again, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, especially someone who had been as wonderful to me as she had been.

I focused on my breathing and it wasn’t long before I transitioned to active labor. Both Anton and Elsa left the room, and Dr. Allen came in. The woman was aware of our situation and I suspected that it was why I would catch her looking at me with such sympathy. I didn’t want her pity or anyone else’s. I simply wanted to fulfill the duties I had signed up for and deliver a healthy child to such a deserving couple.

“You’re doing wonderful, dear,” she told me while brushing my sweat-dampened hair off my head. I had to look a mess, but if I did, neither her nor the Kingstons let on.

“It just hurts so much,” I managed to get out, before I groaned out in pain.

She patted my arm, but I could draw no comfort from her because my body was racked with pain. There was an overwhelming pressure and as if she knew what I was experiencing, Dr. Allen told me it was time to start pushing. This was the part that had scared me the most, but I was too far gone to worry about that now. I started to do as she instructed. Each one sent pain rushing to other places and it wasn’t long before her voice broke through the cloudy haze surrounding me.

“I can see his head. Keep pushing, Alessia.”

I pushed with all my might and despite it feeling as if my tailbone was fracturing into pieces, I didn’t let up and soon I screamed out in pain as the last few finished the job. I wasn’t sure at first whether I had gone numb from the agony or not until I heard a baby’s cry.

“It’s definitely a boy,” the nurse exclaimed as I tried to sit up to get a better view of him.

I then realized what I was doing and laid back against the pillow. This baby wasn’t mine and by looking at him, it would only make this moment harder. I had just endured the worst pain of my young life, but it was only physical. It would fade with time and good drugs, meanwhile the emotional kind I would suffer if I allowed myself any attachment to this child would linger forever.

“Do you want to hold him?” Dr. Allen asked me, and I immediately shook my head. “It’ll do you some good. We’re bringing Anton and Elsa in, so this might be the only chance you will get to say your goodbyes, dear.”

I didn’t know if the tears in my eyes were residual from the delivery, or new from the other type of pain I knew would follow. I had never imagined keeping this child, but once he was laid in my arms and I looked down into his face, something washed over me that I couldn’t describe, and that I didn’t expect.

Sadness... Joy... Regret... I forced myself to smile as he cooed. He had a head full of dark hair and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. “You’re such a perfect meshing of your mother and father, little one. You’re going to have such an amazing life with them. You...”

Voices in the doorway made me pause and when I looked in that direction, I could see the proud parents. This moment had been one I’d been dreading, but the sooner it happened, the easier it would be for all of us. I held him up as Elsa got closer. Soon, she was cradling her son in her arms while Anton stood over them and began counting the ten perfect fingers and toes. The doctor came back over to me and it wasn’t long before I was whisked away to the private room that had already been prepaid. I knew the baby would need to stay in the hospital overnight for observation, but after that, the two of them could take him home.

I was in one of the highly sought-after private rooms and I shook my head when the new nurse advised that it was because of its proximity to Central Park. I loved the park, and often jogged there multiple times a week before I had gotten pregnant. I almost wanted to get up and see it for myself, but I didn’t have a high tolerance for pain and my body still ached in places I didn’t even know it could.

“Is there anything we can get for you,” Dr. Allen asked me.

“Maybe something for the pain so I can rest.”

I hadn’t gotten much sleep in days, although I knew my dreams would be haunted by a tiny little infant I’d never see or feel inside of me again. More tears added to the ones already streaking down my cheeks, so I closed my eyes. Something was placed in my IV and after declining visitors, I finally drifted off to sleep. Once I woke up, my life would be indelibly changed forever, and only time would tell whether that change would be a good or a bad one.

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