Page 42 of Scandalously Yours

Alessia

Ileft work as Kristopher instructed, then went straight home. Everything was such a mess right now, and my concern for the man I loved had intensified so much that I was now terrified for him. He seemed to not even be surprised at Hayley’s attempt to ruin his life, but I was worried enough for the two of us.

Why, oh why, had I ended up in such an impossible relationship?

When I had imagined my life, this wasn’t it, yet here I was about to walk inside and share those once upon a time dreams with someone who might never be able to make them come true.

He had asked me to do this for him, and I would deny this man nothing. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and opened the door. Turning on the video, I flicked on the light switch and walked inside. After locking the door, I sighed.

“Y-you wanted to know what a normal night in our life together could be, so this is it.” I had to force myself not to lose it, and I was thankful to control my stammering. Smiling for the camera, I switched modes so it would now film what I saw.

“I want you to remind me of the Bahamas. Of Boston. Of all the nights we talked about how things would one day be between us,” he’d asked of me, and I would oblige.

“After a long day at the hospital, I’d arrive home before you. I’d be tired from seeing patients all day, but excited to see you because you’d make me forget about everything.” If only he could make me forget about Hayley and her earlier trip to the emergency room. “I wouldn’t feel up to cooking, and knowing you wouldn’t be up to eating right away, I’d pick up the magnet on the fridge and order our usual from the Seaport Grille. After I placed the order, I’d hurry up and shower for you.”

At that, I stopped the recording and did exactly what I had just mentioned. When I was under the water and away from his watchful eye, the tears from earlier came out like water from the spigot, and I leaned against the tiled wall and tried to cry it out. Kristopher needed me to be strong, but the truth was that I wasn’t when it came to him. He weakened me in a way no man ever had, and in a way I’d never allow to happen again.

Everything had happened so fast between us. We’d gone from flirting with one another to embarking on a fling, then later continuing it once we returned home. The sex was fucking great between us, but my love had grown so rapidly from something else. Kristopher talked to me almost every night without fail. We would talk about anything, and everything, that came to mind. I’d been wrapped up in school and my residency for so many years, so I had been a loner. Now, it actually felt nice to have someone ask me how my day was and seem to truly care about my response. Only two other people would call me to check up on me like that, and like Kris, my entire relationship with them had been painful as well.

I needed to forget about Anton and Elsa Kingston, because thinking about the surrogacy would only cause me more pain. I finally turned off the water, then dried off before restarting the video. “I’d get out of the shower and decide to welcome you home in nothing but my towel. Already aroused, I’d think about your reaction, and wonder how long it would be before you stripped me naked.”

I had done a video for him about a week ago, so I stopped the recording on my phone and started one up on my laptop. It was already positioned in front of my bed, so I picked up where I had left off. Dragging my hand down my neck, I tried to ignore the shiver that raced over me when I remembered the marks I had seen on Hayley’s throat. My hand lingered on the top of my towel for a few seconds before I shed the material. It was strange to see myself naked on screen, but I didn’t focus on that.

“I want you to climb into bed and pretend that one of your toys is me,” he’d asked, so I opened up my top drawer and pulled out the one toy that had gotten me through a lot of lonely times.

I held up the vibrator in front of me. “You’d join me in bed, but before you could touch me, I’d take your long, hard cock in my hand. My mouth would already water to taste you.” I made sure to stare at the screen as I dragged my tongue up and down the toy. It was a poor substitute for him, but I didn’t care. This was what he desired, so this is what he would get.

I lapped at it, and even sucked what I could of it into my mouth. Like Kristopher, it was also too big for me to take fully down to my throat, but I sucked it as far as I could. I did that for several seconds until a familiar ache pierced my core. I finally pulled the toy away, and it fell from my mouth with a wet pop, then I used my thumb to wipe my lips dry.

“I’d get you off while aching to feel you inside of me.” One of my hands slid down my belly and disappeared between my legs. I was already wet for him. “I ache, Kris. I ache so much, and only you can take away the pain.”

Some half truth started to nag me, and I tried to push it aside as I had all other doubts, but it was growing harder to do. I didn’t want to disappoint him, so I got onto my back and felt every inch of the toy’s wide head as it penetrated me. Deeper it went until it slipped right into place. The rest of it wasn’t as long or as thick as him, but it still stretched me. I placed the suction over my clit, and moaned at the first jolt once I turned it on.

“You’d spread my legs wide, then use that wicked mouth of yours. You’d start off slowly, then the pressure would increase until...” I stopped talking as I turned the controls higher and higher. When it latched onto the right spot, I could feel the ribbed silicone teasing the place he knew so well, while the toy tugged at my clit.

I threw my head back and one hand off to the side as my other pinched and pulled at my nipples. “It’s agony as you eat at my flesh. It’s all too much, but not enough. I never want you to stop, but you do.”

I paused just in the nick of time before those predictable waves of pleasure could draw me under. My breathing was heavy and shallow, and my heart was racing. Since Boston, he enjoyed watching me get hot and bothered, and prided himself on leaving me hovering over the edge. I didn’t want to be tested right now. All I wanted was for him to be here with me, so I could feel euphoria in his arms. In none of those fantasies had it ever been some battery operated or charged up toy.

This wasn’t about me, though. It wasn’t about him, either. In that moment, I realized Hayley would always be in the background. Whether she was fabricating stories to make him look bad, or warning me away from him with threats, she would always be in our lives. Once they were divorced officially, she wouldn’t let him live his own life. She would be a thorn in our side until the day came that either death or sheer exhaustion separated us.

The tears began to fall, and I tried to distract Kristopher away from them by picking up the toy again, then inserting it back inside of me. This time, I didn’t leave it lingering, but instead began to thrust it in and out of myself.

“You’d cover my body with yours, then you would start to make love to me. Nothing will stop your sheer desire to make me come. Not the delivery man knocking on the door with our dinner, and definitely not my pleas to you.” I fucked myself hard and fast much like he would. My back arched and legs trembled, but I wouldn’t allow myself a release. “I feel you everywhere as your cock slams into me.”

God, even this toy was about to make me come. I could so easily close my eyes and remember every orgasm he’d ever given me. From the cave in the Bahamas, to the patient room not long ago at New York Presbyterian. My mind kept returning to Boston, however, and I nearly exploded as I relived the moment he thrust into my ass for the very first time. I managed to hold myself back, but just barely.

“I want to own you, fully and completely. I want there to be no question as to whom you belong to,” he’d rasped against me that night. It’d been something I’d waited my entire life to hear, and to feel, and I was pissed that someone else was going to take it all away from me.

“Y-you’d tell me that I belonged to you as you bit along my neck. You’d enunciate it with every thrust...”

“I want you to surrender every inch of yourself to me, but not just your body. I want everything that you are,” he’d also told me, and the tears continued to fall as my hand worked faster. “Your thoughts... your body... your heart... your soul. I want to know you are mine in every way possible because I am yours, Ale.”

I choked back a sob. His words, as well intended as they were meant back then, were really just that. Words! “But you’re not mine, Kris.” I practically ripped the toy away, unwilling to come on it as I fantasized about pipe dreams any longer. I got onto my knees and crawled across the bed until I was right in front of the webcam. “I have only experienced this gut-wrenching kind of pain once in my life. Back then, I swore I would never go through it again, yet here I am. I’m sorry, Kris. I can’t do this anymore.”

I dropped my head in surrender because the one thing he had asked me to do back at the hospital, I couldn’t bring myself to do. The tears continued to fall, a few drops sliding down my cheeks before dropping onto my knees. I knew what this was, and I suspected he would too once he saw it.

I finally looked back into the camera and didn’t even care about my splotchy, tear stained cheeks or red, puffy eyes. “I can’t provide you with a fantasy that’ll never happen. Hayley will never allow us to be together, so this thing between us, I can’t do it anymore. Not tonight... tomorrow... or ever again.”

One word. There was only one left to say, but I paused as it stuck in my throat. “God help me, Ale. I love you,” was what he’d once told me, yet I couldn’t even give him those same words back right now. Knowing that his would forever echo in my mind, I finally did manage to get the only one out that mattered.

“Goodbye!” I pressed two fingers to my lips, then pressed them against the camera.

After, I closed my laptop and fell backward onto the bed. I picked up one of the pillows and covered my face as I screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping it would make me feel better, but it didn’t. Finally tossing the pillow aside, I curled up into a ball as I let the rest of my immediate anguish out, knowing there would be nothing but more of it to follow.

I didn’t know how long I had laid there, but eventually I realized I needed some time away from everything happening. With the next few days off anyway, it was best for me to get out of the city for a while. Much needed peace beckoned, and I knew it would have to be somewhere where I wouldn’t be reminded of what I had just given up, not that he had ever been mine to begin with.

I scrambled in the next half hour to cram as much as I could into my suitcase. Once I was packed, I arranged for an Uber to pick me up, and a half hour later, I was driving off the lot of the all night car rental agency and headed to Rhode Island. While being home was painful in some ways, it would be just what I needed in others. I turned on the radio, and as a song love song began blaring through the speakers, I allowed the unshed tears to fall.

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