Page 115 of Late Fees

“So?” he said with a shrug. “It’ll be a million and one. It’s my favorite…and I heard they’re making a second one. I want to be ready when it comes out.”

“Fine, fine.”

“Plus, I know you secretly love it.”

“Oh, yeah? Why do you say that?”

“I know you have a secret thing for Jeff Goldblum.”

I laughed. “I do like a sexy nerd.”

“Damn straight,” Wyatt said, pulling me in for a kiss.

“So…you want to get out of here? Get some food and go back to my place?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Holding hands, we approached the desk. Irritated, I saw the crowds had ebbed, and Kevin was the only person manning the register. His face turned to stone as we approached.

“Yo,” he said, grabbing the tapes. “What do we have here?”

Handing him my membership card, I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. More customers approached the desk, and Dutch hopped on to the other register.

“Wow, looks like you two have quite the night ahead of you.” His voice was unnaturally loud, obnoxious, like he was trying to draw attention to himself.

Oh, Clooney, you’re so out there.

“Just ring up the tapes, will you?” I asked, annoyed.

“Wow,” he said, “I didn’t know you were into this sort of thing, Weezer.” Kevin raised his voice even more, giving me a sarcastic wink. “Kinky.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I demanded, feeling anger grow inside my gut.

“I mean, Deep Throat 9…that seems a little raunchy for you, Tilly. But whatever,” he said, scratching his forehead. “The customer’s always right, I guess.”

“What the hell, man?” Wyatt said, glaring at Kevin. Sully looked up from the returns box, crossing his arms as he studied Kevin.

“What are you doing?”

“Oooh, Schindler’s Fist. Niiice.” He gave us a theatrical wink. “You two should have some fun with this one.”

“Kevin, knock it off,” Naomi said, walking to the register.

He ignored her and cleared his throat, raising his voice even louder. “But the pièce de résistance—Ass Ventura: Crack Detective. Looks like you’re really going to have an adventurous night. I’ll get you a bag…it’ll be more discreet.” He winked and gave us a finger gun. I wanted to launch myself over the counter and wring his neck.

“Dude, grow up,” Wyatt said, sounding protective as he placed one hand on the small of my back.

“Oh, my God, you’re such a tool.” My cheeks were hot, and my hands had curled into fists as I glowered at Kevin.

“That’s it, Clooney,” Sully said, shaking his head, his chest puffed out. “Go clock out. You’re done.”

“Excuse me?” Kevin asked. “I still have an hour left on my shift.”

“No. I mean you’re done. Permanently.”

“What the hell? I didn’t do anything wrong—”

“You could not be more wrong. First of all, those aren’t even real titles,” he said, nudging Kevin out of the away. “Secondly, even if they were, we never say our adult movie names out loud when someone is checking out. It’s company policy. You know this.”

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