Page 113 of Bar Down, Baby

“I’m guessing she took the news that you’ve been fucking prostitutes as well as I imagined?”

“Can you not say it like that?”

“How would you rather I talk about you fucking prostitutes? I’m open to suggestions.”

“Jesus, Deanna.”

“You called me. What do you want?” Her tone is sharper.

“Did I upset you?”

“Just tell me how long it was going on.”

“What?” I can’t get my bearings.

“Were you paying for sex when we were together?” Her voice is smaller, more vulnerable than just moments ago.

“No,” I say.Fuck. Holy fuck. How did I fuck this up so badly? How did it never occur to me to call her before now and make sure she knew. “No.Of course not. I was devoted to you.”

She lets out a shaky sigh. Her vulnerability stuns me.

“Fucking postpartum hormones,” she mumbles.

Postpartum?Shit.

“You had the baby!”

“Yeah, I did. And you missed it, you shit.” But the anger is gone. She’s teasing.

“I have a gift. I just haven’t sent it. When was he—she?”

“She was born in August. We named her Jean Anne, after Julian’s grandmother. I call her Dreamy Jeanie. She sleeps a lot. It’s fabulous. Eight pounds, twenty-one and a half inches, and a massive head. I needed three stitches.”

I wince. “Wow. Congratulations, Dee.”

“Thank you.”

There’s a smile in her voice. The smile is contagious, even over the phone, and I can’t keep it off my face.

“You’re a mom, Deanna,” I say in an almost whisper.

“I’m a mom,” she whispers back.

We’re both quiet. My chest tightens, and the tightness rises into my throat, my jaw. I swallow hard, feeling the tightness move into my face as I realize I’m silently weeping.

“I’m so fucking happy for you.”

“I know you are,” she says. “Tell me about the rest of it. I know you didn’t fuck things up with the recruits. What am I missing?”

“Sam Hirschfeld threw my name in the hat. I didn’t play his mind games. I don’t know what all he was involved in.”

“Sounds like everything, including the kitchen sink.”

“I run a clean program. I always have.”

“I know.”

“But I paid for sex. That part is true.”

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