Page 142 of Tainted Kitten

It’s then that a sob escapes. “I thought you got me. Like, for real. I honestly thought you and I had this connection. This understanding about my fucked-up-ness. I thought… I thought it was more than sex.” The tears fall fast, too fast for my stupid hands to wipe away in time. Why aren’t my hands working properly? “Fuck Ty. It hurts so fucking bad.”

I end the call, tipping my head back to rest on the chest of whoever the hell is behind me, and toss my phone in the pool.

“Fuck! Rhee!” Marcus leaps out of nowhere into the water, diving down after my phone. He shouldn’t bother. I think it’s waterproof, but right now, I don’t fucking care.

“Kitten.” The rumble of Shaun’s chest is at my back, and he squeezes me tighter to him. “It’s ok. Let it out.”

I scream then. Loud. I think. It’s hard to tell with the stupid tequila fog messing with my head. But just in case it wasn’t loud enough, I try again, screaming until my throat hurts. Then, the screaming doesn’t stop.

I scream and cry and break apart into a thousand pieces. It’s all too much. It’s so much that I don’t think I can ever be put back together again. It’s so much that I feel like I’m drowning, and I’ll never resurface again.

“Fuck. I can’t take hearing her in so much pain.” Simon’s voice is close by. I hate that I’m hurting him right now. I don’t want to hurt him, or Marcus, or Shaun, or Garrett. I don’t even want to hurt Tyler.

Suddenly, the feel of Shaun’s arms is too much. I start to struggle against his hold, needing to break free, needing space to drown in this pain on my own.

“Stop. Kitten, please.” He sounds confused, but I can’t stop myself from fighting against his embrace.

The moment I get free, I tumble into the icy cold pool, going straight under to sink to the bottom. A thousand pins are pricking my skin, causing me to gasp and suck in water. It rushes in, choking me, and I have a moment to decide if I should panic and fight or just fucking let go and end this crippling pain once and for all.

Make it stop!

I can hear muffled yelling as the water shifts quickly around me. It’s my guys. Marcus. Shaun. Garrett. Simon. They are trying to get to me. They are fighting for me.

They don’t need to, though, because, in a flash of a second, I decide to fight for myself.

My feet find the bottom of the pool, and I push myself, propelling up towards the surface. Marcus and Garrett are both there as I breach, water flying from my mouth as I cough, desperate for air.

“Fuck! Baby!” Garrett is frantic as his hands grip me under my arms, holding me above the surface.

“You got her?” Simon calls from the edge, sounding just as frantic.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as my teeth start chattering.

Marcus’ warm body comes up behind me and pulls me back against his chest. “Let’s get you out.”

Garrett and Marcus swim me to the steps of Simon’s pool, and Garrett takes me from Marcus’ arms to lift me into his own to cradle me, carrying me out of the freezing water. A fluffy towel gets thrown on me by Simon, and as I hear Marcus climb from the water behind us, I search for Shaun. It takes me a moment to find him. He’s in the shadows of the house, squatting down, his head tipped low with his hands fisted in his hair.

My Casanova looks shaken and devastated.

I did that to him.

“P-p-put m-me d-down.” I manage to get out past my chattering teeth.

“No, baby. Let me take you inside to get warm.” Garrett insists, but I shake my head, squirming in his hold.

“S-Shaun.”

I can feel Garrett’s eyes follow my line of sight, and then he eases me down until my feet hit the ground. On wobbly legs, I stagger towards Shaun, falling to the ground in front of him.

“C-Cass.”

His grey eyes dart up, holding my gaze with a mix of anger and relief.

“No more.” He grits between his clenched teeth.

“N-no more w-what?” I shiver, and his lip curls as he snarls.

“No more giving up. No more thinking about giving up. No more!”

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