Page 44 of Always Mine

I run my hand over her arm. “Right before I did this. I was in the worst mood, then I walked in and saw you. It all melted away, but after you left, that fear crept in.”

“What the hell did she say to you?” Zoey’s blue eyes have turned so dark they’re nearly black.

“That she’s pregnant. All it took was a sperm donor. Clearly, it wasall my fault. Then she saw the picture of you and the boys on my desk. She told me I’d never be able to give you everything you wanted.”

She twirls his fingers through my hair. “Luke… that must’ve been awful.”

“It was. And it played off my biggest insecurities. I started panicking, thinking about what would happen if you wanted kids and I couldn’t give them to you. If I lost you—”

She bites back a laugh. “So you decided to cut and run?”

I drop my head against her shoulder. “I know, I’m an idiot.”

Her hand cups my cheek, and my eyes drift up to hers. They’re softer again now, filled with emotion. “You were. But you were also hurting. I can understand that. But from now on, you share that pain with me. We’re in this together. I finally know what it feels like to be loved the right way by the right man. I don’t want to lose that. And I need you to trust that I’m not ever going to treat you the way Tara did. I see you for the incredible man you are, and I’m going to spend the rest of our lives loving you like you deserve to be loved.”

My heart slams against my ribs, beating for her. She’s mine. Always. And I’m hers.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me. “I’m sorry,” I whisper again. “I love you, baby. I will never walk away again for the rest of my life. I promise.”

She nods and wipes away a few tears. “Now, why do you think you can’t have kids? You said the doctor never found any issues with her. Did they with you?”

I shrug. “The only thing the doctor told me was that my sperm health wasn’t great—but that can be affected by lots of things, even diet and exercise.” I take a deep breath, thinking back and suddenly realizing how stupid I’ve been. “I guess he said it wasn’t impossible to have kids, but it might be tougher. After years of trying, hearing her blame me when it didn’t happen, I started to believe it. Shit,” I mutter. “Then she showed up last week and it solidified what I felt. I can’t believe I spent so much time believing it was my fault. I can’t believe I almost let you go because of it.”

She sighs softly. “Well, the good news is, we’re in this together, so there was no way in hell I was letting you do that.” She caresses my cheek before continuing. “I’m not surprised you felt the way you did. When someone—especially someone who is supposed to love us—constantly tells us something is our fault, we begin to believe it, whether it’s true or not. That’s how emotional abuse—”

“Abuse?” I ask, mind twisting. I wasn’t abused, was I?

Zoey looks at me, eyes filled with love. “Yeah, babe. You have all the hallmark signs of emotional abuse. I went through a bit of it myself, but I think you had it a lot worse.”

“Signs?” My voice is raspy and my chest is tight. Did Tara abuse me?

She gently rubs her hand over my upper back. “I know guys tend to think they can’t be abused, but they can—physically, verbally, and emotionally. I think it’s probably more common for men to suffer from verbal and emotional abuse. That’s the tricky thing about emotional abuse, the person being abused doesn’t always realize it’s happening. As for signs, some common ones are them being hyper-critical of you, being judgemental, possessive, controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, and they might be dismissive of your feelings or try to minimize them.”

She tilts her head in concern as I inhale sharply.Holy shit.She was emotionally abusing me. I thought she was manipulative, but I never saw the bigger picture. Mikey always called her a bitch, and that was all.Fuck.

“I… I never realized what she was doing. Or how badly it messed me up.” I finally meet Zoey’s eyes. “Clearly.” Shaking my head, I ask, “How do you know all this?”

She shrugs slightly. “Like I said, I dealt with some of it, too. I learned about it in therapy.”

My lips pull into a flat line. MaybeIneed therapy.

Reading my mind, Zoey whispers, “If that’s something you want to do, I’ll help however I can.”

I hold her closer, needing her to know how much she helps simply by existing. “You help me more than you know.”

She softly presses her lips into my temple. “I will always be here to love and support you. And I’m going to tell you as often as you need to hear it—you and Tara not conceiving a baby wasn’t your fault. And it’s not impossible,” she whispers.

My eyes drift to hers as I finally allow hope to flood my body. “You really think you might be pregnant?”

She nods. “You know I’ve been headachey, and that’s usually the first sign when it seems to happen for no reason and won’t go away. Then I started feeling a little bit nauseous here and there, but I chalked it up to the headache making me sick. But then today it hit me hard. I was going to take a nap, try to sleep it off, but when I pulled my bra off, it hit my nipples and it hurt. Then I started paying attention, and I realized they were sensitive and almost tingly which is usually the surefire sign for me that I’m pregnant. So, no, I don’t know for sure. I was going to take a test—I have some at the house—but I didn’t want to take one without you.”

A knot forms in my stomach. Excitement, but mixed with the pain of so many similar moments in the past that didn’t end happily. I take a deep breath. There’s only one way to know. I softly kiss her cheek. “I love you for that. Let’s go back and find out.”

She nods but doesn’t move, then presses her lips against my head. “No pressure. No matter what the answer, we’re in this together.”

I move my lips to hers and say, “No pressure, but I want a family with you. No matter how. And you know I love the boys like they’re mine.”

“I know,” she whispers. I slide her off my lap and stand up. “Luke,” she says, suddenly an urgent tone in her voice. “If I am—even if I’m not… would you move in? I want you there. I want you home.”

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