Page 85 of Rescue Me (Forget the Past 1)

I shouldn’t let the disappointment fill me, but it does.

“Leo and I don’t see eye to eye anymore.” Last we talked he was adamant about getting behind the wheel of another hot car to get back in Uncle Mike’s good graces. Like it was the only thing he could think about.

I don’t need to gain my uncle’s approval. I’ve got a debt, and when that’s paid off, I’m done with that branch of the family. For good. So far, it seems like Leo plans on keeping his ties strong, which means I need to cut myself off from him.

“He misses you. And I miss you. I just want our family back together again.” Mom reaches for a small box on the counter, rapping it against her palm and sliding out a fresh cigarette. When she lights it up, the stench of the smoke begins to overwhelm the delicious cooking smells. Just like the toxic memories from my childhood always overwhelm the good ones, eventually.

Suddenly, I’m not enjoying the mother/son bonding time anymore.

She wants her family back together? Wonder if that includes everyone.

“You talked to Luna lately?” I throw her question back at her, feeling no satisfaction at the tensing of her spine.

“Luna who?”

This is the part where I’m supposed to take the hint and leave it alone. But I’m not feeling too charitable.

“My sister. You know, your daughter?” The sarcasm is heavy in my voice as I play along with her game.

Mom stands quiet, one hand stirring the food, the other bringing a cigarette to her red-painted lips. Eventually she whispers, barely loud enough for me to hear.

“I don’t have a daughter.”

The statement breaks my heart. But it also makes me cold.

This is the hard part of my mother. The sharp part. The aspect of her personality that allows her to sit comfortably in a life of crime.

But in a strange way, I have to agree with her.

Luna was rarely ever in thedaughterrole. More often, she played the babysitter, cleaning lady, cook, chauffeur, plumber, electrician, and all the other things parents normally took care of so their kids could enjoy childhood.

I love the beautiful, selfish woman that gave birth to me. But when I think back on the woman who raised me, the one who tried her hardest to mold me into a man, that’s always been Luna.

And I broke her heart the day I started driving for my uncle.

The smoke and the memories are making my head ache.

“When’s Dad getting back?”

My mother softens, smiling over her shoulder again. “A little later. But I told him to make it home in time for dinner.”

I slip my fingers into my back pocket, pulling out the reason I stopped by in the first place.

“Can you make sure he gets this?” Standing up, I hold the check for her to see, then place it in the middle of the table.

The smile drifts from her face. “You’re leaving? But there’s plenty of food! And you can give him the money yourself. Don’t you want to see your father?” She has her sad kitten eyes again, but the guilt washes around me without leaving a mark.

I have no interest in seeing my father any more than I have to. We’d just end up arguing, and depending on how many drinks he has, he might even try to recreate another childhood memory of him using the back of his hand to put me in my place. Luckily, those were rare occurrences. Being the oldest boy, Leo got the brunt of our father’s anger when we were growing up.

“That’s okay. I’ve got somewhere to be.” I don’t really, but that doesn’t matter.

“But I never see you! Please just stay a little longer.”

Those words bring up more memories, ones where I spoke almost exactly the same thing as she strolled towards the door. So many nights when I wanted my mother, but she had no time for me. All I got was a smile and a pat on the head before she and my father left for a night of partying, not worrying that their three young children had to fend for themselves.

“Can’t. I’ll see you some other time.”

I leave her and the twisted vortex of my childhood memories behind, focused on a future where the people I care about don’t hurt me and don’t leave me.

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