Page 79 of Shiver

He sat and took her hand into both of his. “I should have trusted my instincts. I’ve made so many mistakes and I haven’t allowed myself to leave the past in the past. If I had, maybe I would have been able to trust your instincts, your decisions.”

He dropped his forehead onto her hand. “I didn’t believe in you. You never should have had to face that monster alone. Will you ever forgive me?”

Her hand moved.

He looked up. She looked the same as before; had he imagined it? “Devra? Can you hear me? Come on, sweetie. Come back to me.” He stared at her hand, willing it to move again.

“No,” she said, her voice a hoarse whisper.

His heart soared as she opened her eyes.

“Not your fault.” Tears filled her eyes.

“Shh. Save your strength.” Emotion filled him as he stared into her beautiful blue eyes. He knew he should call a doctor, but he couldn’t let her out of his sight. “Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

“My fault. I held on. I…I didn’t want to go with him.” She closed her eyes and turned away.

He didn’t understand. “No,” he said suddenly afraid she would leave him again. “I’m going to get a doctor.”

She turned back to him. “No, don’t leave me. Not yet.” She stared at him for a long minute, her liquid blue eyes melting with pain. “I’m not okay. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. I’m damaged, much more than I thought.”

Fear clutched his heart. “What are you saying? You’re fine. There was no permanent damage.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “That’s not what I mean.”

Understanding dawned on him. “It wasn’t your fault. He was a monster, yes, but it had nothing to do with you.”

“It had everything to do with me. Everything he did was for me. Because of me.”

“I’m sorry you had to fight him alone.”

She let out a harsh laugh. “I didn’t fight him. I ran.”

“You didn’t have a choice.”

“Didn’t I?” She sighed. “We all have choices, Riley. All these years…” Something broke in her throat. “I was loved.”

“You still are,” he said softly.

She looked at him, a flicker of fear shining in her gaze.

“I love you, Devra.”

“You can’t,” she whispered.

“I do.”

“It’s not safe to love me. Bad things happen to people who love me.”

“Not anymore.” He stood, bent over the bed, took her face in his hands, and pressed his lips to hers. It was a frenzied kiss, desperate and unrelenting. He wouldn’t let her go. “All these years, I’ve been afraid to love, afraid to live. Afraid if I did, life would steal it away and I wouldn’t be able to live with that. But I wasn’t living, any more than you were.”

He sat back down and took her hand, then leaned close so she could see the sincerity in his eyes, so she could see how much she meant to him. “We were both running and hiding, not only from monsters but from love. Don’t run anymore, Devra. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

A tear slipped from the corner of her eye. She shook her head. “I don’t know how.”

“We’ll figure it out together. Let go of the shame and the guilt. I have, and you can, too. But most of all, let go of the fear.”

Uncertainty filled her eyes.

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