Page 35 of Whispers Of Horses

Rounding a corner in the Mesa-Verde Puebloan cliff dwellings, I was so engrossed in my surroundings, I missed a rock in the path and tripped right over the damn thing. Having hold of my hand already, Mathis easily yanked me back to him, but the effect caused me to go from stumbling forward to crashing into his iron hard chest. Gasping from the impact, I tried to steady myself, to get myself away from all that manliness, but Mathis was quicker than me, and he took advantage of the situation. He wasted no time, and before I could even get a good gulp of air, his lips crashed down into mine, and his tongue probed along them. His hands moved around me, pressing the small of my back until our bodies seemed fused together, and I could actually feel the rapid pulse in his chest.

So many overwhelming sensations racked my body and mind at one time that I was completely immobilized and lost to it all. My traitorous body thrummed to life beneath his hands and lips like a well-tuned guitar, and I moaned into him as his tongue found entrance to my mouth and caressed the warm flesh of my own. Geez, I was pathetic! It was just a damn kiss. But, oh no, Mathis was making sure it wasn’tjusta kiss. His hands were going crazy, moving over me roughly, and my body was dissolving into a fit of need. His teeth grazed my lips just as his calloused hands delved beneath my shirt and skimmed the bottom of my breasts where my bra had hitched up slightly. That was all it took. My body pulsed, and I was instantly caught in an orgasm.

With his body pressed into mine, I could feel the hardness of his throbbing erection, and coupled with my current state, I swallowed hard, moaned, and closed my eyes, because there was nothing I could do. I was embarrassed, knowing full well he would know what he had just done to me with mere kisses and caresses. Geez, you’d think I was some over-sexed teenager. I didn’t want to open my eyes, but when I felt his hands move forward and his fingers glide over my navel as he unbuttoned my jeans, they snapped open in shock.

“Mathis, what’re you doing?” my voice was rough and hoarse, and just another thing to make me blush.

The look on Mathis’ face brought to mind a starving wolf. He looked like he was about to tear me apart, his need was so strong, and that seemed to be the final straw, until he said, “I need you, Callie, God, I’ve needed you every moment of every day since you looked up at me from that pile of books.”

Damn. Now that was something you didn’t hear every day, especially from a man who looked like this beautiful, wild cowboy. That was it. I was done for.

In seconds, Mathis had managed to free me of my jeans and panties, and I’d yanked his own pants down, but I only made it to his knees before he grabbed me by the ass and hefted me up, moving my thighs around his waist and slamming himself into me. The sensation of his deliciously large shaft sliding into me roughly made me cry out softly, and I bit into his shoulder to keep my cries at bay as he drove into me over and over. My body contracted around him, waves of pleasure washing through me, drugging me into ecstasy as another climax caused my body to spasm. Mathis growled into my hair, his lips and teeth nuzzling my neck as his own climax pulsed inside of me.

When it was finished, we clung to each other in a breathy, mess of lustful sex, and I kept my face buried in his shoulder because I was afraid to look at him right then. Damn. I had wondered if every time with Mathis would be such a cataclysmic tornado, and it was just as I had suspected. Sex had never been like this for me. It was good, but this was beyondgood. This was blow your mind, mess up your world, and end up waist-deep in lovegood. Fuck. I was so fucked. Literally and figuratively. I needed to get far away from this man before he owned any more of my heart than he already did. Samantha and I, we’d always had a saying-keep the guy who’s good in bed and kind out of it-run like hell from the ones are phenomenal in bed and make you want a ring out of it. Yep. I was fucked.

My clothes flew across the room like a miniature tornado had materialized right there, my suitcase laying open on my bed. I missed it half the time, but I didn’t care. Little Billy lay beside it, a mound of discarded shirts quickly piling up on top of him as he watched me with his intuitive bi-colored eyes. I couldn’t look at him. He knew what I was feeling, no matter how much I tried to close the link, he and I had bonded, and if Pizazz had taught me anything, it was that once I had bonded with an animal, I couldn’t close off the link between our emotions. So, I refused to look at him because I knew it would break the damn on my tears.

The drive home with Mathis had been awkward, to say the least. I think he knew I was freaking out on the inside, and in all honesty, I think he may have been too. The discovery that not only was every time we had sex likely to result in such an eruption of ecstasy, but also in a deeper connection between us seemed obvious to both of us, and equally disturbing. We hadn’t said a word, and I couldn’t wait to get out of his truck and run to my room. In an un-Mathis fashion, he hadn’t come in the house, but had split from the scene like a wanted man. I was relieved, because I couldn’t take one more second in his presence.

My door squeaked open, and I froze, caught in the act. Only when it had clicked shut again did I dare steal a peek. Oh god, it was my mom. Against my will, my eyes swelled with the sting of tears as she quietly and gracefully sat herself on my bed beside the pup who was now squirming in happiness to see his first love. Her sky-blue eyes held mine with a look of concern, but most of all, patience.

“Calamity, you look like your about to run again.” It wasn’t a question, but an observation, meant to give me the opportunity to explain without being pushed. It was my ma’s way. It was what set her apart from nearly every woman I knew. That quiet firmness, the patience and wisdom she brought to the world. It broke the damn.

Tears spilled over my cheeks no matter how hard I fought to stop them. Through the blubbering emotions, I said, “I’m sorry Ma, but I gotta go. I can’t stay here. I thought I could…thought I could live with this stupid thing that makes everyone think I’m loco, but I can’t. And then there’s Mathis…has so…so gad damned fucking perfect and I can’t let myself get hurt and I just…I just can’t!”

I couldn’t believe I had not only cursed in front of my mom, but I had also used God’s name in vain. I looked up sheepishly, waiting for the reprimand I was so sure was coming, but instead, my mother stood up, closing the gap between us, and enfolded me in her arms. My control snapped and I fell into her, sobbing like a newborn babe. She stroked my hair slowly, lovingly, just as she had when I was little and had skinned my knee. I don’t know how long she held me like that, or how we eventually ended up on the floor with my head in her lap as I cried it out, but my tears eventually dried, and I lay there still.

My mother’s voice was soft when she finally spoke. “When I first realized there was something very unique about you, Callie girl, I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I did wonder if you had mental issues, so I prayed to the Lord every morning, asking him to help me understand you, to help me know what to do.”

My chin wobbled. “Did he ever answer you?”

My mom chuckled huskily. “The Lord doesn’t always answer in the ways you think. I had nearly given up, actually, and then something happened, he didn’ttellme, he showed me. Do you remember the day your foolish father tried to ride that big bull Cody couldn’t seem to stay on?”

I thought back, but the memory was fuzzy. “Not very well.”

“Well, you were there, outside the fence when they had that big beast in the chute. Your Pa had just mounted him, and for some reason, my attention was drawn to you. I saw your mouth moving, your eyes locked on that Bull, and then, I noticed your hand was inside the panel and I was about to holler at you, when I noticed the way the Bull had calmed. Your Pa rode that bull a full ten seconds before he hopped off by himself, not a scratch on him. I had been afraid your Pa was gonna end up in the hospital. Later, you Pa told me he thought the Bull was sick, because it didn’t seem like the animal was really trying to buck him off. That’s when I realized that God had just given me my answer. He showed me that you aren’t loco, and that it’s a gift you’ve been given.”

I turned my face away and let out a long breath. “I remember now. I’m not so sure it’s a gift though, mom.”

She sighed back at me. “I know your upset about this morning, and Cody, but you have to believe in yourself. You can’t keep running away.”

I sat up and faced her. “It’s not just that, it’s all of it. I don’t know what to do with this curse, with my life, with Mathis, with you…with any of it! I feel so lost.”

My mom stilled, her face thoughtful. Pressing her finger to her lips in the sign of silence, she whispered, “Listen Callie, what do you hear?”

Frowning, I released a shaky breath and shrugged. I started to answer, “I don’t know, birds, cows…” when I heard something else. It was soft, muffled, and it broke my heart.

My eyes met my mom’s. Her voice was barely audible as she responded, “Sometimes, others need us more than we know. Sometimes, we have to put aside what we might be upset about and look at the bigger picture. Down the hall, there’s a young woman, your best friend, who is suffering far more than either of us. This cancer I’m fighting, I refuse to let it bring me down, or ruin what I’ve got around me. You are confused, hurt, afraid, but imagine what Samantha’s feeling. Right now, she’s got a tiny life growing inside of her, she’s been abandoned by her own parents when she needs them the most, by the man who helped get her into this situation, and she scared.”

Another tear slid down my cheek because my mom was right. I was being selfish. I was putting myself before all the others who needed me. “I’m a jerk.”

My mother laughed softly. “No, you’re not. Your just young and going through rough times of your own. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I know you have feelings for Mathis, and it scares you. You’ve always leaned toward the safer roads in life, but its time you get on that horse and ride it until it stops. See where it takes you and evaluate how you feel then. Take life one day at a time, baby girl. It will surprise you, if you only give it the chance.”

19

Iarose the following morning with a heavy headache, and a heavy heart. My mother’s words rang loud in my ears like a never-ending melody, and I knew she was right. I couldn’t run, not this time. I needed to be here for her, and for my best friend. I began my day with little optimism, for despite my desire to help, I was feeling lost and frightened. I had to find a way to make this curse of mine part of my life, in a way that wouldn’t set me apart as crazy, but hiding it was no longer an option. Last night, I had reached a conclusion. I was going to let it loose, release it, and go wherever it took me, painful or joyful, whatever the outcome.

So, despite my somewhat gloomy demeanor, it was with determination that I knocked on Sam’s door. She looked terrible, her face was pale, her hair was a mess, and I don’t think the phrasegreen around the gillsdid her justice.

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