Page 30 of Catch a King (Five Kings 1)

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

His deep voice cuts through my thoughts and I smile. “So, you’re not content with owning my body, you want my mind as well.”

I laugh softly as he growls, “I want it all.”

“I was wondering about your tattoos; they tell a story, but I’m not sure what.”

“Memories, bad memories to remind me that good is coming.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He sighs and as he twists my hair distractedly, I know something runs deep inside him and I doubt it’s all to do with his profession.

“War has a habit of killing more than the enemy. It destroys your humanity and makes your soul bleed. Unforgiven acts are given an excuse, and men become animals when faced with survival. Many go crazy and many choose to forget, lock the madness away and pretend it never happened.”

“Do you want to go back?” I feel fearful of his answer and he sighs heavily. “Mainly I do, it’s like a sick fucking drug. You know you shouldn’t crave it, need it and pant for it, but you can’t help yourself. The shot of adrenalin it gives you make your life one blistering moment of fulfillment but when you come down from the high, the horrors left behind burn you up inside. You tell yourself you’ll never go back to that dark place, walk away and live with the rest of humanity and forget the monster you became. Then the craving starts and you need it to give your life meaning. You tell yourself you’re making a difference, you’re good at what you do and you can’t let your family down. Not your blood one, your military one. Your brothers, your friends, and the only people who really understand what it’s like to sell your soul to the devil.”

“And now.”

I have to ask because the moment he returns, I’m not sure where that leaves me. I suppose waiting for him to return and dreading that he may not.

“Now it’s complicated.”

He leans down and kisses the top of my head, which I’m discovering I like a lot. The closeness, the little sweet touches of comfort, that show me I’m not on my own and my heart thumps wildly as I wait for fate to take it all away as fast as she gave it to me.

“Now I can’t think about returning all the time I have you, Millie. I hate knowing the best place for you is to return to your own family, and yet the last place I want us to be is here.”

“Why not, this is your home?”

“It was never my home. It was a place I came when I had nowhere else to go. You think I like the way the Dragons live, balls deep in filth and bad decisions. I want better than this and the military was my way out. It’s a different kind of filth I wallow in now and that’s the problem—I can’t take you with me.”

Spinning me around, he rests his arms either side of me and looks down at me with so much emotion in his eyes, I catch my breath. “I will find a way, to make this work, do you trust me, Millie?”

“I do.” I blink and then smile sadly. “It’s the rest of them I’m having a problem with.”

“My family?”

“Yes, I suppose so. Not just them, Marina too. You know, she was so friendly when I arrived and yet she stood by and watched me fall into their trap with no warning. She could have told me what to expect, but she didn’t. Back home, the women look out for each other and have our backs. Not that the men there demand anything, they make it obvious what they want of course, but it’s up to us if we want to take advantage of that.”

His eyes contain a storm building and I say sadly, “I can’t change my past, Sawyer. Hell, being a Reaper is the ultimate privilege, but I’ve changed since I met you. I know what everyone else felt when they met the person that completes them. Does that sound stupid to you?”

He says nothing and just takes my lips in his and captures my words. As we kiss, nothing else matters but this moment, and as the kisses deepen and the lust replaces conversation, I know I’m going to have a very hard job putting my life back together after this.

* * *

Now we have reached an understanding,I feel more settled, more able to cope, and my thoughts turn to the reason I’m here in the first place.

Sawyer heads off to catch up with Axel, and I know they have a meeting planned with the president of the Dark Lords.

Marina is kicking her heels today and seems bored, and I’m only too happy to oblige when she asks if I fancy a spot of shopping at the local mall.

As we head off, she sighs heavily. “Thanks for this, you know, since you came, it’s good having another girl to chat with. The guys, well, they’re not so good at conversation, to put it mildly.”

“What about Ruby, she’s quite switched on and Avery, they seem ok?”

Marina snorts. “I have nothing in common with them. Easy on the eye, but not a lot else. You know, when Ruby came here, she had designs on the Channings; you should watch her because as soon as your back is turned, she’ll be after your man.”

“Ruby?” I’m surprised because she seems so happy with Griffin.

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