Page 38 of The Weight of Your Wishes

I want to saynot like that,but I can’t even form the words in my mouth. It feels disgusting to try and proclaim this feeling to be anything platonic. It’s far from it. With the way things have shifted into such a confusing mess this past week, I’m having a hard time keeping up with my own feelings about it all. It takes me significantly longer to process things than most, and that’s something I came to terms with a long time ago.

“But nothing. I’m not stupid. It’s obvious to anyone with two eyes how that boy looks at you, and it’s obvious to me how you look at him because I know you well. Maybe others won’t see it, but I do. When he first got here, you could barely introduce him to me. I could tell he meant a lot more to you than anyone else. He was different.”

“It wasn’t like that then,” I interject, more grouchy than necessary, but that’s the last thing I need people thinking—that I’ve always felt something more for him. It’s flat out not true and a dangerous notion. People would run it ‘til the wheels fell off, too.

“I know that,” she deadpans. “Why have you always been so hard-headed?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, taking a deep breath. “He’s not just anyone, alright? Things have been changing, and I can barely make sense of it myself. All I know is that he doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into with me. He looks up to me like some kind of fucking savior, and I’m not that. Hell, everyone around here knows that by now, but he doesn’t seem to get the message.”

She blows out a long puff of smoke. “I know that Cynthia girl messed you up, but sometimes, I forget how badly.” She shakes her head.

“This has nothing to do with Cynthia. Every relationship I’ve had has failed, and you know it. There’s a reason for that.”

She looks at me intently. “And have any of those relationships felt anything like this one?”

I swallow the lump in my throat, suddenly feeling overcome with something, but I can’t put my finger on it.

“That’s what I thought.” She nods, long and slow. “I think you ought to give him a chance to choose for himself. He’s a fully grown adult, and I reckon he’s thought on this for much longer than you have.”

I want to take her word for it so badly, but there’s so much at stake.

“Quit thinking so damn hard, Grant. Quit complicating this and let yourself be happy for once. I know how hard on yourself you are, and it just doesn’t make sense. You don’t give yourself enough credit for all that you’ve accomplished and overcome.”

I know the right thing to do would be to thank her, but somehow, I can’t. It’s not often that someone renders me this speechless. Leave it to fucking Patty.

So, I do something else that speaks louder than words—I lean down and wrap my arms around her frail shoulders. She stills momentarily, but then relaxes into it, holding me tightly with slender, bony arms.

When we separate, she pats my shoulder a few times. “Don’t let this pass you by. It could be everything you ever wished for if you let it.”

“I’ll try my best.”

And I guess we’ll see if it’ll be good enough for once.

* * *

We’re back home, ready to be trapped in here for the next couple of days. As soon as I unlocked the front door, he went straight to his room. I wanted to stop him, but I just don’t know how to have this conversation. It’s so much harder to put things into words than justdoing.

So, I grabbed my fishing gear and headed out to the dock for some last-minute fishing. The radar says there’s still a few hours before the storm really starts ripping through here, but there’s already a light drizzle coming down. The wind’s going pretty strong, rustling through the trees loudly. The calm before the storm is most peaceful to me. It’s like the world decided to just dim the lights and take a deep breath for a little while.

I inhale the earthy scent of rain and dirt as I watch tons of little raindrops send tiny ripples through the water.

Footsteps creak against the wood right behind me, and I peer over my shoulder to find Hendrix there in a thick, oversized beige sweater. The sleeves hang over his hands as he tucks them under his arms. His wide, green eyes flit back and forth from the trees to the water to the sky.

I take a step back and wrap an arm around him, pulling him close. His breath hitches as he glances up at me.

I don’t let myself think, I justdoas I press my lips to his firmly. He melts into the kiss momentarily before pulling away, brows pinched in a confused expression that’s somehowso… cute. I reel in my fishing line and set the rod down before planting both of my hands on either side of his face. “We’re going to do this, okay?”

He gapes at me. “What do you mean?”

“Imeanthat you’re fucking irresistible, Hendrix. There’s a lot of things I’m not good at, but restraint has never been one of them. I can bite my tongue, keep my hands to myself—until now. Until you.” His cheeks flash ten shades of red. I find myself adoring the way his lighter complexion shows his mood right there on his skin, so I don’t have to do any guessing. “Come on, boy. That can’t be too hard to believe after everything.”

A small, sly grin lights up his face. “Well, I just came out here to tell you to come inside because I was worried. Wasn’t expecting this, especially not after yourprivatechat with Patty.”

“It was eye-opening.”

He scrutinizes me closely, searching for something. My heart skips a beat. He’s always looking at me like his eyes can’t help but linger, and for the first time in my life, I find myself not wanting someone to look away.

The rain begins to pick up, pelting us from an angle as the wind whips it through the air. I slide our lips together again, and he kisses back more confidently this time. Streams of water slide down our faces as he attacks my mouth with growing fervor, our tongues and teeth clashing.

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