Page 29 of The Weight of Your Wishes

This is just a crush—a fixation or something like that. It’ll go away.

It has to.

Yet as I stare at the stars in the sky until my vision blurs, I find myself struggling not to rush into his room, wrap my arms around him, and tell him that it’ll be okay.

* * *

Sleep didn’t come to me last night. I stared at the night sky well into the morning with thoughts of Veronica, Cynthia, and Hendrix swirling in my mind—a tangled web to decipher, and I’m not very good at that sort of thing. All night, I wanted to soothe Hendrix, but I know the best thing I can do is put distance between us. I can’t give him any reason to think there could be anything more between us. The more I thought on it, the less sure I was though, because I don’t want to push him away from me. He needs me right now more than ever. These years are important, and he could very easily stay on the rocky path he’s been treading only to ruin things for himself. This summer is supposed to be about helping him get his head on right, to focus on what matters.

That’s why I’ve decided not to bring up any of this to Cynthia. She hasn’t called to check in, but I’m sure she’s just enjoying her vacation. My mind screams at me, tells me to call her and let her know that it’s not appropriate for him to be here with me anymore, but really, his childish crush isn’t hurting anyone. It’s not like I’m going to feed into it, so I guess she doesn’t need to know. And if I tell her about his partying, that will only piss her off. She’d give him shit for it, but I already handled it myself. He was pretty torn up, so there’s no need to get it from the both of us. Cynthia never had much patience with him anyway.

But Veronica—I need to talk to her, preferably in person, but she’s supposedly on a business trip. That might be a lie, too, or she works with the guy, and they went together. Patty did say he wasn’t familiar. My heart aches softly in my chest considering that and how long this might’ve been going on, but there is a part of me that feels a wisp of relief. There’s a weight lifted from my shoulders that I hadn’t even realized was there. The burden of trying to be someone more than myself, someone better suited for her. She was always going to be too good for me, and I knew that.

I pick up my phone and dial her number. She answers after a few rings with a tentative, “Hey, Grant.” I wonder when she started answering the phone to me with nerves in her voice and how I hadn’t noticed. “I’m a little busy right now getting ready for work. Is something the matter?”

As if I wouldn’t call unless something was wrong. Maybe I really did have this coming, and I’d just been too dumb to notice.

I struggle to come up with the words for what I need to say next, but at this point, I just need to get it over with. “So, I know you were with another man last night, Veronica. I don’t know anything else, and I don’t want to. It’s bad enough as is. I just wish you would’ve ended things between us, so I didn’t have to find out the way I did. But I guess that’s it for us. It’s better this way anyhow.”

There’s silence on the other end of the line for a while, until she finally says, “It is for the best, but you’re right. Last night was the second time with him, so this hadn’t gone on very long. After the first time, I decided not to do it again, but after our date last night, I was so upset.”

“What? Why? And why the first time?” I scratch at my beard. I thought our date ended well enough last night.

She sighs, long and exasperated. “You were never really into this relationship, and I finally had the confirmation I needed when Hendrix showed up. You’ve never been as wrapped up in me as you are in him, no matter what I’ve done to make it so. I tried, Grant; I really did.”

I clear my throat, suddenly sweating a bit. “That’s not true. I don’t understand why you’d even think that,” I say, but I have a hard time justifyingwhy, since she is right in a way. If she feels that I never treated her like I do him, she’s right to feel that way, and the more I think about it, the truer it rings.

She scoffs. “You’re so oblivious. I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you, and there’s not a thing innocent about it. He sized me up as if I was some kind of competition!” Her tone shifts to scandalized, and I grit my teeth. If she noticed after meeting him once, then who else has? Patty and Sky?

I rest my forehead in my hands, rubbing my temples. “He’s just young, and he looks up to me, alright? It’s more complicated than that.”

“But—”

“We’re not talking about him,” I interrupt. “We’re talking about us, and apparently, this has been a long time coming, and for that, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

I hang up before she has a chance to say anything more. Blood thunders in my ears. This entire situation is way too overwhelming for me. I lay down in bed, deciding to go against my own rules and sleep the day away until it’s time to take Hendrix to work.

* * *

“Come on, wake up. We’re late!” Hendrix’s anxious voice filters through my mind, rousing me from my dead silent sleep. He keeps repeating it and shaking my shoulder. I blink my eyes open. The room is cast in shadows, my black curtains blocking out any sunlight. Hendrix is standing right next to the bed, dressed in skin-tight black jeans and a black mesh t-shirt, his dark hair messy and ruffled as if he too just woke up.

Shit.It finally dawns on me that I’ve overslept. I jolt upright, rubbing my eyes aggressively. A small gasp comes from my right, and when I bring my hands to my hair to tie it up, Hendrix is staring at my lap. My eyes dart down, and that’s when I remember that I sleep naked. The thick blanket has fallen, showing the base of my cock, shrouded in thick hair. I yank the blanket up. “Give me a minute. I’ll just throw some clothes on.”

He rushes from the room, eyes wide. I curse under my breath while I quickly get dressed. Ineveroversleep. It’s not the end of the world, but it makes me feel even worse about things. Maybe my life truly is falling apart around me.

And now, the boy has seen something he really shouldn’t have. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if I didn’t know what I do about his feelings toward me. If I take the time to remember the expression on his face when he saw it… my cock twitches behind the zipper of my jeans.

A cold chill prickles down my spine. Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with me?

I guess I’m just not used to being looked at that way. He was practically drooling, a rapacious hunger in his gaze—all from seeing just a sliver of my cock. That kind of look would key up anyone, I think.

Trying my best to ignore that twisted fucking logic, I leave my room. Hendrix is kicked back against the door leading out to the garage, one leg crossed over the other, typing away on his phone. It occurs to me that he might be telling his friend, Marina, about what just happened. Something about that bothers me. I don’t like being talked about. It brings me back to being a kid, when I always felt like other kids were whispering about me. Most of the time, they were. “Let’s go,” I say, voice gruff with sleep.

Hendrix speaks up after we’re buckled in. “Sky is gonna be pissed.”

His shirt seems kind of revealing, and I wonder if it’s appropriate for work. I look at it once more, eyeing the way his nipples poke through the fabric. It’s not something I’ve ever seen another man wear, but somehow, he makes it work. It’s probably the fact that he’s confident enough to wear something like that in this conservative small town. I decide that if he feels good in it, who am I to say he can’t wear it?

“Sky will be fine. You’re only an hour late. I didn’t mean to sleep in; it was a long night.”

---