Page 30 of North (The Moral Compass 2)

“Where do you think you’re going? Get your sexy little ass back in that bed before I give it another good smack.” He winks and smiles. Those fucking dimples. They make me do anything he asks.

I sit back down on the bed. Again, I wince. Shit, he really did fuck me hard. He looks at me and dips his head. I can see the shame on his face. Oh no.

“Hey, don’t look like that. That was the best sex of my life.” I hold my hand out to him as he puts one cup of coffee down on the bedside table.

He doesn’t speak or look at me. I think he’s going to get in the bed, but he just sits on the edge, looking into his coffee. I just can’t see what’s going on in his head.

Things are never awkward or quiet between us. This is a first, and I don’t like it. It feels like an hour passes before he speaks.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, still staring into his cup.

“So am I.”

I really want to touch him. To hold him. To tell him everything is okay, but it’s not. He still doesn’t look up, and the silence continues. He takes two big swallows of his coffee. Finally, he turns to look at me.

“I am so sorry, Kara, I very nearly lost control. I should never have done that to you,” he admits.

Before I can put my filter in place, I blurt out, “If that was very nearly losing control, what the fuck would happen if you went completely over the edge? I might be sore, but that is something I might just want to explore further.”

I can’t see his face, but his shoulders relax. Then, I can see them moving slowly like he’s laughing.

He turns around to lie down on the bed beside me.

“I am sorry,” he says again, stroking my arm with his index finger.

“If you’re sorry about the sex, you don’t need to be. It was amazing, but I do think we need to address the elephant in the room.”

“Don’t talk about my dick like that. He doesn’t like it.” He chuckles.

“North, come on, now. I came here to talk. And while I’m at it, where the hell are we? I know it’s the Majestic Hotel, but the penthouse? Really? And the butler who knows your name? What is this place?”

He looks away, and I know that it’s not going to be the answer I want.

“Can we talk about us?” he asks quietly. He has a piece of my hair that he’s wrapping around his finger.

“I’m not sure there is an ‘us,’ North. This has been amazing and wonderful and so fucking hot, but I just don’t see me in your life as a permanent fixture. We are from two different sides of the road. I don’t want your life, North. I don’t want the money, the houses, the fancy cars, and the fucking helicopters. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be comfortable, but I want to be happy more. When I lived from payday to payday, it was tough, but it was real. It was mine, and no one could take it away. If I’m with you, I will always worry.”

“Worry about what?”

“That if anything were to go wrong between us, I wouldn’t be able to go back to the life I had before. To be able to live on a tight budget. There is also Sutton and West and the babies. It’s hard enough to navigate around our issues, now. Five years down the line, it would mean they would probably have to choose, and I’m not family, North. I’m not blood. I would lose Sutton and, apart from my dad, she is the only family I have left. My sister is in Canada and is not coming back. She’s all I have, North.”

His eyes shoot up to mine.

“Okay, so you have said your piece. Is that everything that’s worrying you?” he asks, and I nod. I have so much more, but that’s the bones of it.

“Right. Are you ready, Princess?”

I nod again.

“So, first, I am not giving you a penny. You can and will work for everything you earn. You will manage your own finances, and I will not help you in any way. Financially, you will be on your own until you say differently. The top and bottom of it all, Kara, is I can’t live without you. I will never ask you for anything other than your love. But I won’t beg. I will do whatever you want me to do, but I will not beg. I’ve had a month of hell. You wanted space; I gave you space. I honestly thought you would contact me or at least send me a text. Not a single solitary word. Do you know how that has destroyed me, Kara?” His words are filled with emotion, and my tear ducts become traitors yet again.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass where we live, I don’t give a shit if we don’t see any of the pompous pricks you dislike so much. I don’t even speak to South anymore, and that has nothing to do with you, but it has everything to do with South. It has been years coming. What he said was wrong, and I should have punched him in the fucking face that day. But I didn’t. I can’t turn the clock back, but I am looking forward and, unlike you, Kara, I do see you in my future. I don’t actually see one without you. These last four weeks have been the worst of my life, and I know they have also been your worst weeks, too. Sutton doesn’t tell me much because I asked her not to, but I can tell when she has spoken to you. She worries about you. She worries that you are not happy and, I’m sorry to say, that gave me hope. Hope that, one day, you would realise that I am your home. Not a building, not a country, not a fucking sofa. Me. Standing side by side and taking on the world. Together!”

My tears are free falling. The more I wipe, the more they fall. He took all my fears and wrapped them up in a tiny little box and blew them apart. He understands me, and he gets me. Unlike anyone else on earth. I’m just not sure I’ve got the guts to take that step. It’s safer on this side of the road. I know it hurts like shit now, but it can’t hurt forever.

Can it?

Then, he does the one thing I can never resist. He strokes my cheekbone, brushes my hair behind my ear, and kisses me softly. He pulls me into his tight embrace and holds me close. I can’t see his face. My head is buried into his chest.

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