Page 56 of Freestyle (Academy of Stardom 1)

“Like it, I love it!” I respond, grinning stupidly. He plants a swift kiss on my lips then moves out of the way so that Dax can step in and draw me into his arms.

“Happy Christmas, Pen,” he mumbles against my hair, shyly.

“Christmas was a week ago, and I’ve been here in between then and now,” I laugh, looking up at him.

“Yeah, but we couldn’t get Asia over until today to do it,” Dax explains, a sheepish look on his face.

“Shut up! You know Asia?”

“Dax knows her friend Eastern, but Asia was more than happy to do this for a few quid,” York explains.

“Wow. I don’t know what to say…” I shake my head in wonder, walking over to the wall and running my hand along the mural. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. It’s amazing. So, so special. A lump forms in my throat and I push it down.

“Why am I sitting up there and not standing with you guys?” I ask, turning around to face them all. The three of them are all looking at me intently and my insides melt. It feels like this is more than just a mural, more than a thoughtful Christmas present.

This feels like a promise.

“Because you are our girl, Pen. There isn’t anyone else who deserves that position,” York explains.

“Does this mean that you’ve managed to persuade Xeno to change his mind? I don’t have to choose?” I ask, hopeful.

Dax casts a look at York, then presses his lips into a hard line. My heart sinks, my shoulders slumping. Of course not.

“We’re working on it, Pen, but he’s a stubborn dickhead,” Zayn admits.

Part of me wonders why they don’t just tell him to go screw himself, but I realise it’s the same reason why I don’t do the same thing.

Respect.

Friendship.

Love.

We’re a family. We care about each other and going against Xeno would almost certainly mean that we’d lose him. None of us can afford that. He’s the person who holds all of us together. He might be possessive, bordering on bullish, but that’s because he’s a protective leader who has had to make hard decisions for the rest of us. We don’t do anything unless he approves it. We didn’t enter any dance battles until he said we could. For a long time I thought it was because he didn’t think we were good enough. I realise now it’s because he didn’t want us in Rocks before we could handle what went on there. The drugs, the gangs, the fights both on and off the dance floor. We were kids. We’re still kids, and yet when I look at my Breakers, I know that they’re on the cusp of manhood.

I just wish that somehow we could figure out how to be together without any of the heartache that we’re hurtling towards at breakneck speed. It feels like one of those horror movies Xeno loves to watch. We all know there is going to be death and destruction, but no one ever thinks to jump off the train, or in the case of those movies,notgo in the basement. I glance around me and stifle a nervous laugh. Ironic, really, given where I’m standing.

Choosing the dance crew would mean that I’d keep their friendship but never be able to be intimate with any of them. I’d have to watch them move on and find other girls to love. But if I choose just one, then I lose the rest of them and my place in the dance crew forever, not to mention forfeit the competition and take away their chance of winning five grand.

How can I possibly decide like that? I’ve gone over and over it again and again in my head. I’ve written lists. I’ve talked myself into a corner, and backed myself out again. The truth is, each of them are special in their own way.

Zayn is open, willing to explain things that the others find embarrassing or difficult. He’s always there when I need him and has become my rock. When we’re not together, he’s always a text message away. Since I’ve admitted how I feel he’s not so much looked at another girl. He’s steady, reliable and the personification ofhome, a place I never really had until now.

York is sensitive to my needs, always watching out for me, always one step ahead. He’s kind, sympathetic and comforting in a way I’ve never experienced before. He’s the first to know when I’m sad or down and the first one to make me smile with his quirky wit and charm.

Dax understands me in a way the others don’t because, like me, he’s a kid beaten down by his parents. We have a deep understanding of each other that’s bound in bruises and barbs. His protective nature and the way he looks out for me, makes me feel safe.

Then there’s Xeno…

Xeno makes my heart beat erratically, and my body reacts instinctively. He pushes my buttons and fires me up in a way that’s infuriating, but at the same time invigorating. I’m still a little uncertain around him, not because I’m afraid of him, but because there’s a chemistry between us that makes me yearn for his touch and ache for his kiss.

But being the true leader that he is, Xeno’s kept his promise and hasn’t tried to kiss me or be anything other than a friend. I’m beginning to understand that he’s a man of his word. Once he makes a decision he sticks to it, and expects nothing less from the others too. The thing is, I’m no closer to knowing what to do. Xeno left me with an impossible decision. One I’ve been agonising over. To make matters a thousand times worse, the night I have to choose falls on my seventeenth birthday, which is the same night we’re battling for the crew title and five thousand pounds. There’s so much at stake.

“What the fuck is that?”

I snap my eyes to Xeno who’s walking into the basement with a scowl that seems to permanently scar his face these days. He’s holding two plastic carrier bags filled with alcohol. I can hear the bottles clinking against one another.

“Pen’s Christmas present,” Zayn responds. There’s a note of warning in his voice and I don’t know how to feel about the fact he wasn’t in on the surprise.

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