Page 8 of Forbidden Intent

5

The vinyl spins as the classic “Hold On, I’m Coming” by Sam and Dave plays in my headphones.The beats of Al Jackson Jr.make me itch for my drumsticks, but instead I pat my hands on my thighs as if they were my drums.Movement to my left pulls my gaze to the person descending the stairs in this hole-in-the-wall record store.

I recognize the Aerosmith T-shirt first—I bought it for him after all.Then I see Robbie’s small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and his floppy brown hair that falls around his ears.

“Everything okay?”I ask, knowing there’s no one else down here and it’s doubtful there’s anyone else upstairs since there never is when I’m here—whether that’s a coincidence or the owner looking out for me, I’m not sure.Either way, I’m grateful since this place is like record heaven.

“Yeah.”But his tone says he’s lying.

“You’re really going to try to bullshit me, man?”

His shoulders sag as if he can’t stand the weight of them anymore.“I’m worried about Kasen.”

I try not to show the impact of his words—how they make me feel like I’ve been sucker punched and had the wind knocked out of me.Truth is, I’m worried about him too.I’vebeenworried about him since he admitted to using again.I thought we might be in the clear after his last overdose three years ago when we almost lost him.He seemed like he genuinely wanted to turn things around, and I believe he did.He just didn’t stay clean.

I don’t know when he officially fell off the wagon.I could make a guess that it happened when Charli swept back into his life like the destructive force she is.Then again, it could’ve been any number of after parties we attended that did it.It’s hard to avoid drugs altogether in this industry.They’re everywhere.

But I wish Kasen had never gotten sucked into them.

“Did something happen?”I ask Robbie.

We’ve all been worried for months as Kasen started to show the signs of use again, and we confronted him about it a few weeks ago, before Trent and Becka surprised us all by getting married in Vegas.During our mini intervention, he confessed to doing heroin and coke, and hemmed and hawed that he could handle getting clean without rehab.I walked out as soon as he admitted to Charli being back in his life, but Robbie told me later that he was stepping up to help Kasen until he was ready for rehab.But now Robbie looks like he’s carrying the whole world on his shoulders, and it feels like a lead weight is sinking in my gut at the thought of Kasen getting worse.

He shakes his head.“Nothing new.At least I don’t think there’s anything new, but…”

“But what?”

He drags a hand down his face.“I went by his place the other morning with bagels and coffee.I thought we could hang out and maybe he’d open up, but when I got there, Charli was walking out.”

My body goes stiff, not wanting to believe that he’s still hanging out with her.If he is, then that means he’s not trying to get clean at all.There’s no getting clean around Charli.“You’re sure?”

He nods his head.

I don’t typically like to call women derogatory terms, but honestly even the worst term I could imagine is still too kind for Charli.There’s a special place in hell for drug dealers—especially those who leave a man to die alone in a hotel room after she gave him bad drugs.

We’ve all essentially taken shifts trying to keep a distant eye on him, but Robbie has definitely dedicated the most time and energy.I can’t imagine what seeing Charli leaving Kasen’s place is doing to Robbie.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think it’s time.”

He stares at me, his puppy dog eyes showing all his hurt.Robbie always did carry all his emotions on his sleeve.“You think we need to encourage him to go to rehab.”

“I think we might be beyond encouraging him at this point.Heneedsrehab.He needs more than anything we can give him, and while I hate ultimatums, I feel like he might need one for a wake-up call.It’s the drugs or us.He can’t keep doing this.He’s been late to every recording session unless one of us picked him up first.He missed our band meeting last week.He’s becoming unreliable.”

Robbie sits heavily in a chair nearby and slides his hand through his hair, his gold wedding ring glistening in the light.

“Robbie, this isn’t your fault, man.”I learned that with my brother’s use, and it’s something I wish I’d figured out sooner, so if I can ease some of Robbie’s obvious guilt then maybe I’ll feel like I’m actually doing something to help this shitty situation that we’ve found ourselves in.“You need to let go of the idea that you failed him,” I say gently.

He lifts his head, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.“I feel like I have.”

“You haven’t.You did everything you could.We all have.It’s time for the next step.”

He sighs.“I know you’re right, but I still feel like I’ve failed him.Failed the band.”

I put my hand on his shoulder.“Dude, we’d fall apart without you.You could never fail us, and you still haven’t.This isn’t on you.This is on Kase, okay?”

He nods, reluctantly, but I’ll take it.

But then he shakes his head.“If we push rehab now, we’d have to pause recording the album.How are we going to explain that to Decker without losing him as our producer?Every band is dying to work with him.This might be our only chance.”

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