Page 39 of Forbidden Intent

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Miles gets off the bed and bends down, fiddling with something underneath.When he stands back up, he’s holding a black strap in his hand.He places it on the bed and then moves down to the foot of the bed.I watch him pull out three more straps as he moves around the bed, and it becomes clear pretty quickly that it’s an under-the-bed restraint system.

My heart starts to beat frantically.He said he thought this would help, but the idea of being restrained makes me want to puke.

With a shaky voice I say, “Miles, I don’t think I can do this.”

He pulls the last strap up and places it on the bed.“Hear me out first.If you don’t want to use these, we can think of something else.”

“I just don’t think me being restrained is going to help my anxiety.”

“They’re not for you,” he says matter-of-factly.

Confused, I say, “Then who are they for?”

“Me.”

Shocked, I’m grateful I’m already lying on the bed or else that one word would’ve bowled me over completely.“You?As in, you’re going to be restrained?”

He sits on the side of the bed.“You said it got worse when I was on top of you, but also based on things you’ve said in previous conversations, not having control is a potential trigger for you.”He grabs the nearest restraint and holds it up.“This kills two birds with one stone.You get to be on top and you’ll have total control.”

I stare at the black material in his hand like it’s a snake about to strike.When I look at Miles, he’s not looking at me like I’m a freak or defective; He’s not laughing at me either.His patience is unwavering as he waits for me to decide what I want to do.

I want to try, but I’m also scared this won’t work.

“Do you want to touch it?”he asks, holding the material closer to me.

It seems inappropriate that my first response isthat’s what she saidso I keep it to myself.Nodding, I reach out and take the strap from him.I’m surprised by how silky smooth it is.The black cuffs have some type of padded lining and soft fabric covering, while the restraint itself is a sturdy but flexible fabric.

Can I do this?I nibble the inside of my lip while my gaze analyzes every inch of the material in my hands.I can’t make eye contact with Miles until I know what I’ve decided, and I’m still unsure.Mainly, I’m afraid.If it doesn’t work, then what will we do?Call it a night and I’ll go home?

I don’t want to leave him, but can I be enough for him if I can’t give him the physical aspect of our relationship?

“What’s on your mind, Tam?”

“How important is this stuff to you?”

“What do you mean?How important is sex?”

Yes and no.I know sex is an important part of a relationship, and I hope that someday I’ll finally be able to have it.But Miles is no ordinary guy.He just pulled a restraint system out from under his bed.He likes kink, although we’ve never talked specifics.Maybe we need to.

“How important is this kind of stuff?”I ask, grabbing the restraint closest to me.

He sits back on his heels.“I like control in the bedroom.I know that’s not something you’re entirely comfortable with right now.I’m going to do everything in my power to help you get comfortable with me so you’ll be okay giving me that kind of control.Apart from that?It’s not a big deal.”

“I’ve heard the rumors.”

He laughs and shrugs.“I’d be disappointed if you hadn’t.”

“Do you really go to sex clubs?”

“I have in the past.Giving someone else control over your body during sex requires a lot of trust and communication.That takes time to develop usually.But in clubs, everyone goes there knowing the rules of engagement so it’s a little easier to have a one-night stand and get my needs met.”

I nibble my lip.“So you don’t need a submissive?”

“No, I don’t.”He takes my hand, rubbing his thumb back and forth.“I like you as you are, Tamsin.I don’t mind putting in the work for you to trust me and feel comfortable.This isn’t a one night only thing for me.While I’d like for us to be able to experiment down the road with different things, I don’t need you to be anything but what you are.”

I voice my true fear.“What if it doesn’t work?”

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