Page 1 of With You

Shade

We were going througha rut. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because the anniversary of a death was coming up. A death of someone we loved. Someone who we both lived and breathed for, only for it to end before we could take it any further than we already had.

Sunny Harrison and I had been together, although platonically at first, for years. We met in our early twenties, went through countless women together, and we fell in love, but it was a little more complicated than that.

Meadow Rodriguez came into our lives like a tiny tornado. She was young, much younger than us, but exactly what both of us needed in different ways. Sunny needed to dominate her while I wanted to fall to my knees at her feet and let her do whatever it was that she wanted to me.

She was the glue neither of us knew we needed. When we thought we were happy, Sunny was taken from us but, at the time, protected Meadow and our unborn baby from getting hurt. He risked his life and died while saving them.

Now, Meadow and I were married and the fifth anniversary of the death of the only man I had ever loved, was coming up.

Both she and I were busy with work but all in all, I missed Sunny. I missed my wife. I missedus. I couldn’t help this ache that had settled deep in the pit of my chest ever since he had died. No matter what Meadow and I did, it wouldn’t go away. I was sure she felt it as well. She had to. We went through each day taking care of our son, focusing on him and his needs, but forgot about us in the meantime. We didn’t talk about it. We needed to talk about it but every time I went to bring it up, it was like she knew and quickly changed the subject to our son, or work, or something else. Sometimes she would even distract me by using her body. Not that I ever complained but we really needed to talk. Sex was dangerous when there was other shit going on that we needed to discuss first.

We had been married for awhile now. We had a beautiful son. Every fiber of my being wanted to fuck more babies into Meadow. Even though we only had one child, I knew she needed a break. Maybe I should take her on a vacation. No. She wouldn’t want that. She didn’t like surprises. Not anymore. Or maybe she did. I didn’t know. I felt like I didn’t even know my wife the longer time went on where we were in this rut.

“Shade, you going to stare at the engine or actually fix it up for the customer?”

I jumped, spun around, and found Zillah Lister coming toward me. I cleared my throat, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Everything okay?” she asked gently.

I nodded, looked away, and went back to working on the engine. Zillah meant well. She was also my boss, although she would never say that. We worked together in her shop. Before Sunny died, I would work the odd job here and there, but ever since he passed, I spent most of my hours, when I wasn’t home, in here. I guess it was my way of staying connected with him. Zillah never argued and welcomed the help. I was thankful because I wasn’t sure what I would have done if she would have turned me away.

“His anniversary is coming up,” Zillah said, her voice soft. “Isn’t it?”

My throat closed, that familiar lump taking up residence. “Yeah.”

“You can leave. Go home. See Andrew. See Meadow. I understand, Shade. We all do.”

My eyes welled, my nose burning. Afraid that I would start blubbering like a baby, I just shook my head. The words wouldn’t form on my tongue. Truth was, I missed Sunny. He would know what to do. He would know what to say. I just wanted him. I wanted to touch him. See him. I wanted to talk to him one last time. I wanted to tell him goodbye. I wanted him to see his son. Our son.

A lonely tear rolled down my cheek.

Fuck.

“Shade.” A gentle hand landed on my shoulder.

“Don’t,” I snapped, shoving her away.

Zillah’s dark eyes widened.

“Sorry. I just...sorry.” Throwing the wrench down, I didn’t watch where it hit, and stomped to the back of the shop instead. Once I was inside the small bathroom, I leaned against the door and bent over. Taking deep breaths, I tried easing the anxiety rushing through me. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t go on without him. I couldn’t go on not knowing if Meadow and I were going to make it. As each year passed, the fear that she would leave me only grew and became more pronounced. It didn’t make sense, especially when we’d been together for so long already, but I could feel her slipping away. Or maybe it was me. Either way, I refused to let her go without a fight. I needed to find my wife again. I needed to find us. No matter how long it took or how difficult it had been.Wehad to work.

“Shade?” A soft knock sounded on the door. “It’s me.”

My heart jumped. Standing upright, I opened the door, finding the very reason I existed staring up at me. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” Meadow said softly. “Can I come in?”

I stepped to the side, making room for her to enter.

“What’s going on?” she asked, once she was in the bathroom with me.

Shutting the door once again, I leaned against it and shrugged.

Meadow lowered the lid to the toilet and sat, crossing one knee over the other. “You sure?”

I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure about anything anymore. The only thing I was sure about was my love for her and our son.

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