“I brought these,” Rainey said, handing over a stack of letters, cards, and drawings. “Agent Mendenhall brought them to me the other day. They are from the kids and the parents of the kids you guys rescued.”
“Miss Myra brought us presents, too,” Kami said. “She brought me a stuffed unicorn. It has a microphone and a chip in it, so I can always find Miss Nora, Aunt Rainey, or Simone. Bobby got a bear.”
“Those are great gifts,” I told them. “Now, you know you will always be safe.”
“You guys won’t let anyone hurt us. I’m not worried,” Kami said. But then seeing both Rainey and I start to speak, she said, “But I’m not going to do anything dumb either. Simone told me what she did. She learned her lesson.”
Nora laughed. “That’s a good thing. Simone always has to do things the hard way and find out the lessons on her own.”
“Not anymore,” Simone said.
They stayed and talked for a little bit longer, and then Rainey said they had to get going. She hugged Gage, Damian, and Jared, thanking them for helping her. She smiled sadly at me, hugged me quickly, and turned to leave. Once again, I was sure I detected a tear in her eye.
I watched them leave and then hurried back into my office, closing the door.
My heart hurt, and for the first time since Cedric died, I felt lost and confused.
I loved her, but did she love me? What did the tear mean? Did she have regrets for making love to me? Was she upset because she loved me and didn’t know that I loved her back?
I wanted so much to go after her and ask her all of these questions. However, I didn’t think that I had a right to, after what had happened the last time I’d asked her to marry me. She would have every right to slap me in the face and walk away.
There was also her career. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that she would give up going into dangerous situations, even with the responsibility of Kami and Bobby. They loved Simone and Nora and would be right at home with them while she was away and if anything happened to her.
That was my biggest fear. Losing Cedric nearly killed my parents and me. If I was a part of Rainey’s life, if we were married and I lost her, I didn’t know that I could survive.
It nearly killed me watching her go into that house and then on the boat, even though we were right there to watch her back. If she kept her job with the FBI, she wouldn’t have the four of us to watch her again. She would have other FBI agents, but those people weren’t us.
Even if she came to work with us as Gage offered, she would want to go on the missions with us. She would not be satisfied sitting at a desk, doing the technical or administrative part of the work. She needed the action and needed to feel as though she was making a difference.
I needed to figure out whether I could watch her do that because there was no way I could take that part of her life away, even if she would let me, which she probably wouldn’t. But even if I did convince her not to go on the missions, she would eventually start to resent me for that, and our relationship wouldn’t last.
If I wanted to be a part of Rainey’s life, I had to accept her for who she was and learn to deal with her job.
Sighing heavily, a little spark came out of my mouth, just as Gage walked in with Jared and Damian right behind him.
The spark landed on a piece of paper, and I hastily snubbed it out before it started a fire.
“You need to get your butt up right now and go after your woman,” Gage said. Jared and Damian nodded at his words, their arms crossed, staring at me.
“You are driving us crazy, walking around here like a lost dragon, trying to set the entire building on fire,” Jared said.
I nodded, then explained part of what my problem was.
“She’s a good woman. She’s strong and intelligent. She knows how to handle herself and how to protect herself. If she wasn't strong, would you even love her?” Gage asked.
I thought about it for a minute and then answered, “It’s one of the reasons I love her. But you saw me after Cedric died. I couldn’t live through losing Rainey.”
“She’s going to do what she feels is right. However, even if she is hurt on a mission in a year, wouldn’t you rather have had that year loving her than not ever having her at all?” Jared asked.
“No one is guaranteed tomorrow. Any of us could get hit by a bus,” Damian said. “Or be caught in a building that was burned down by our brother because he was sighing too much like a lovesick puppy,” he added as I sighed again.
I thought about their words and realized they were right. I would never tell them they were right, though. They were annoying when anyone admitted they were right.
“Okay fine, if it will make you guys go away and leave me alone,” I said, drawing in another breath.
“Don’t you dare sigh one more time,” Gage said. “I don’t think insurance pays if a fire is set by one of us.”
I grunted at them and pushed passed them.