Page 30 of Requiem

I’m supposed to await her instructions before I do anything to Theo, but the waiting is driving me crazy. How long does she expect me to stay here and just hang around, trapped in this bizarre little microcosm of humanity without any contact with the outside world? I’m a pretty patient person, but that patience has its limits. And having to see Theo every single day, to keep running into him in the hallways, to sit two rows away from him in class, to watch him fuck around with Sebastian outside the main entrance…it’s more than I can bear. His outbursts of temper are random and spectacular. Every day, he seems to be brawling with someone new. I can’t help but want to jump into these fights. Take him off guard. Slide a sharpened blade into his windpipe. Gut him where he stands.

It's Friday, our half day, when I finally break and say something about him to Noelani, who has recently asked me to call her Lani. The weather is uncharacteristically warm. We’re sitting on the lawn outside Toussaint’s main building, sunning ourselves in the weak afternoon light, when I catch sight of Theo’s familiar mess of dark hair. He’s sitting at the foot of a giant oak tree a hundred feet away, alone, scribbling in a notebook, and a frisson of anger bites at the back of my neck. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen him sitting underneath the massive tree, leaning his back against its thick trunk. He’s out there most days at ten-thirty, while the rest of us are shivering inside, grabbing a snack during our morning break. I know to expect him there now, but today, the sight of him lounging in the shade, his pen hurtling from one side of his notebook to the other, fingers wrapped in that ever-present blue tape, makes me want to fucking tear my hair out.

“Why does hedothat?” I growl. “Every single day. He just sits there and writes and writes and writes. Doesn’t he have any friends?”

Noelani looks over her shoulder at Theo, sees him and frowns. “Oh. Uhhh…yeah, he absolutely does. Theo’s one of the most popular people here. You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed. Everyone falls over themselves to get in his good graces.”

I have noticed that. I don’t want to admit it, though. Admitting that people like him makes him seem less of a villain somehow. That’s what folks always say about serial killers in TV documentaries, though, isn’t it? He was so charming. So well liked. He had a ton of friends. Always stopped to help old ladies in the street. But behind closed doors, those psychos were butchering women they’d kidnapped and were wearing them like skin suits.

“What’s with the tape?” I blurt out. It’s been bugging me for weeks.Weeks. I wasn’t about to askhimabout it, though.

Noelani glances at me quizzically. “Huh?”

I hold up the index finger, middle finger and thumb on my left hand.

“Ohhhh, thetape.” Noelani shrugs. “He uses it when he practices the cello, I guess. He used to want to be a concert cellist, but now…”

“What?”

“I think he’s changed his mind now.”

For some reason, this tiny little tidbit of information about him makes me irrationally angry. Furious, even. I bite the tip of my tongue, breathing hard down my nose. I don’t care if he wanted to be a concert cellist one day, or that he’s changed his damn mind now. I just want the bastard to disappear. “If he does have so many friends, then why is he always alone? Why is he just always…there.”

Noelani looks away from Theo, glancing down at the grass we’re sitting on. She plucks at it absentmindedly, stacking the torn blades into a little pile. “I suppose none of us have really noticed. He’s always been his own guy. We just let him do his thing.”

“We?We?Don’t tell meyoulike him.” I can’t keep the disbelief from my voice.

Lani laughs. “Sure I do. He’s not so bad once you get to know him.”

“He seems pretty volatile to me.” I have to be careful what I say here. I’ll incriminate myself if I make my hatred for Theo Merchant too obvious. When he starts choking up blood one morning because I’ve poisoned his oatmeal, I don’t need anyone pointing the finger at me.

“Volatile?” Lani asks. “What do you mean?”

“He shoved Sebastian into a locker and tried to choke him out three days ago,” I say airily. “He punched Callum Fairley in the jaw before that. You can’t have forgotten. You were standing right next to me when it happened. I’d hardly call those the actions of someone in possession of all their faculties.”

These two separate events had both happened in the hallway, between classes, seemingly right in front of me. I’d been quietly seething, comfortable in my hatred of Theo, mad that he was there, right in front of me, as always, and then BOOM! Sebastian had muttered something, and Theo had launched at him, fists flying. The same thing had happened with Callum.

Lani’s bright laughter fills the air again. She sinks back, lying down on the grass, cradling her head in her hands, using them as a pillow. “First of all, Sebastian is an asshole. He drives even his best friends to violence on the regular, case in point. We’ve all wanted to hurt him at one point or another. Callum…” She sighs. “Callum said something really shitty that he shouldn’t have.”

It sounds like she knows what Callum said to evoke such a startling reaction from Theo, but I’ll be damned if I ask her for the details. I can’t think of anything to say, so I just sit, staring at a patch of grass for a while. Noelani doesn’t like long silences, I’ve learned, so it isn’t too long before she’s filling the void. “I guess he never used to be quite so…reserved,” she says. “Theo. He was involved in an accident a little while ago. He changed after that. Now he prefers his own company, I suppose. A lot of the girls here are hoping he snaps out of his fugue soon and shows some interest in one of them.”

I know exactly which accident she’s referring to. Does it come as a shock that Theo changed after that night? After Rachel died? Maybe. I mean, maybe even evil fuckers who cause the deaths of teenaged girls get struck with a guilty conscience sometimes. I don’t say that, though. Instead, I find myself fixating on her last statement.

“Let me guess. Beth Johnson’s leading the charge on that one.”

“Yeah. Beth’s always had a thing for Theo. She chased him all through freshman and sophomore years.”

“She saw sense junior year?”

“Haha no! He was taken sophomore year. Beth didn’t exactly like it, but she kept her distance. Didn’t wanna come off too desperate, I s’pose.”

“He was taken last year? He wasdatingsomeone?” I don’t know why this sounds so ridiculous. He’s good looking. It makes sense that he’d be with someone.

Noelani pulls an odd face. “Yeah. But she…the girl he was with…she…I guess she died.”

“Youguessshe died?” Acid spills from my words. It kills me to think that these people know about Rachel. It hurts beyond measure that they were aware of her existence, that they know Theo was in an “accident,” and that they still treat him like he’s some kind of god every day. It’s an affront to Rachel’s memory.

Noelani’s expression flattens—it’s as if she’s biting back her reaction to my response very carefully. “Shediddie,” she says. “It was really sad. We all really liked Rachel. Some days…it’s almost as if she’s still here. I forget that she’s gone, y’know? It’s…it really fucking hurts.” She swallows thickly. The emotion in her voice triggers something deep within me that makes me want to hurt her, the way I’m hurting right now.

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