Page 53 of Mr. Wolfe's Nanny

Theo’s jaw drops. “Uh…”

So does mine. “Sweetie…”

“Tim’s mommy is giving him a baby sister this year.” I recall her friend’s mother is quite pregnant. I didn’t think Jill had paid much attention to that. “Tim said I could have her if I wanted during our playdate but his mommy said no so I told them that was okay, I’d ask for my own.”

“Jill, babies aren’t…” I begin, looking helplessly towards Theo. We’re not having the birds and bees talk while waiting to meet Santa, are we?

“That’s not how it works, baby. Santa brings toys to good little boys and girls, not people.”

“He brought Marcella a kitten last Christmas. She told me during recess the other day.”

“Okay, but…”

“I suppose a little brother wouldn’t be awful if he brought that instead,” Jill adds, helpfully.

“Didn’t you hear Dad? Santa doesn’t bring babies. Kittens and babies aren’t the same thing, dummy,” Ryder groans.

“Don’t call her that, Ryder!” Theo says sharply before sinking to his knees in front of his daughter. “You’ll be disappointed if you ask Santa for a sister. Your mommy’s gone and I can’t give you one without her. But Ryder’s your brother and, even when he says things he shouldn’t…” He shoots a look at Ryder.

“I’m sorry for what I said, Jill,” Ryder says immediately. “You’re not a dummy.”

Theo nods at his son and turns back to Jill. “He’s the only sibling you’ve got and I’m glad you’ve got each other but that’s all there’s going to be, baby. I’m sorry.”

Jill ponders her father’s words without seeming to be too terribly upset as we shuffle forward a few more steps.

And, I’m… I’m wounded. He doesn’t want any more kids. He’d said it at the banquet, too. Butever?

I loved playing at being a teacher as a little girl. I loved playing at being a mommy, too. I’ve been a teacher. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. And suddenly, the thought that Theo and I may have a different opinion on the matter means a great deal to me.

“Quinn, are you okay?” Theo asks quietly in my ear.

I startle. I hadn’t realized he’d turned his attention towards me. My eyes feel wet, my throat tight. I don’t want to cry.

Theo leans closer, his intoxicating scent and warmth flooding me. “Is it too crowded in here or…”

Of course, he thinks I’m on the verge of a panic attack because that’s what… that’s what I am. Could I even be a good mom? My chest aches and not due to panic. I blink back tears and swallow hard. “I’m okay,” I murmur. “It’s your turn, children.”

I’m grateful for the timing as I paste on a smile and raise my phone to take pictures. I’m betting this Santa answers by the name Mr. Hoskins and sports a farmer’s tan in the summer but he’s got the bushy white beard and a lovely ‘ho-ho-ho’ going. And this barn sure beats the crowded mall.

As I watch Santa asking the children if they’ve been a good boy and girl this year, I tell myself that there’s nothing decided between Theo and me. We’re casual, having a good time together. This could all end next week, next year. The kids come first.

But if we did become something more, Ryder and Jill would be part of that package. I love them so much. I’d be honored to be a more permanent part of their lives. Kathy’s kids would be my kids even if their father never wanted to give me more children. Love involves sacrifice sometimes, right?

My deep thoughts are interrupted when Santa asks Ryder what he wants for Christmas. The boy looks right at Theo with that mischievous spark in his brown eyes and says, “I want a dog, Santa. It doesn’t have to be a puppy. Just a dog is fine. One for me and my sister to love.”

Jill squeals and hugs her brother, saying she wants the same thing. She hugs Santa next and then Ryder again. Santa looks flabbergasted and turns wide eyes towards us. Flabbergasted myself, I turn to Theo, too, expecting him to be struggling to come up with a way to get out of getting a dog while not ruining the Christmas Magic for his kids.

Instead, there’s a slow smirk spreading across his face. He puts his hands in his jeans pockets, gives Santa the merest nod and says not a word.

27- Theo

That sneaky kid. I wonder if he’d been planning to ask all along or if it was a spur of the moment decision. Either way, Ryder just asked the Big Guy for a dog for Christmas. While looking right at me.

A week ago, I wouldn’t have considered it. I’m working long hours and dogs, while wonderful, are a lot of maintenance. They need love, attention and exercise and even the best behaved ones get into things, now and then.

But there was Marilyn, the Yellow Lab, greeting us like a perfect lady and she brought back memories of Decker. Jesus, I loved that dog.

And as Jill had been squealing and hugging everyone while Ryder had given me that challenging look –How now,Brown Cow?– I’ll admit I got caught up in the moment and wanted to get my kids a dog.

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