Page 23 of Mr. Wolfe's Nanny

“It’s alright. I know it was a big shock for you. I was in this room when I found out you were my new boss. Maria and Julieta were in here so I did my best to hide it but you could’ve knocked me down with a feather.”

His eyes search mine as if he’s seeking falsehoods. My butterflies feel a bit mopey now.

“I know I should’ve called you. I kept putting it off. If I had…” Maybe I wouldn’t have had a panic attack. But maybe I’d be looking for another job now.

“I understand. It was a hell of a coincidence but just a coincidence,” he says quietly at length.

We chat about our weekends after that and the major disruption to it. “Thanks for coming to get the kids. Mom said they were pretty hysterical.”

“I can’t blame them and it was no problem. We had a sleepover last night which I think they enjoyed.”

He grins. “Jill told me. She, uh… suggested that next time I join the three of you.”

Oh. I blush and can’t meet his eye for a minute. “I told them it was a one-time thing.”

“My kids are talented at getting their way.”

“I’m sure they are. I suppose it would be boys on the floor if we ever do that again.”

He holds up two fingers. “I’d stay in my sleeping bag, scout’s honor.” I laugh before he speaks again. “Mia mentioned you don’t like hospitals. I hope that coming there didn’t upset you.”

I stir the milk in the sauce pot and make the decision to give Theo a little piece of me. I’ve told him about the panic attacks so he may as well know why. “I spent two weeks in one after a car accident eight years ago.”

“God, Quinn. Were you badly injured?”

“Yes but more emotionally than physically. We were in Colorado when it happened. It was snowing and my dad took a sharp curve too fast. He lost control and we went down a ravine. Both of my parents died.”

“Jesus. That’s… I don’t even have the words. I’m sorry.”

I focus on stirring the milk. No one wants scorched milk. I breathe and keep my shaky hands busy. “Isa was unconscious. I wasn’t. I was trapped, couldn’t move but… they weren’t killed instantly. For several minutes, they were dying and I couldn’t do anything to help them. I could only listen and watch.”

He reaches over the counter, offering his hand. “I’m so sorry.” We link our fingers together. His touch, it’s comforting.

“It took over an hour before anyone found us. My throat was raw from screaming for help. They had to cut us out of the wreckage. I woke up in a hospital the next day, a twenty-year-old orphan with a younger sister to look after. I told myself I had to be strong for Isa but that night… it broke something inside of me and now I’m like this, a mess.” I shake my head. “Milk’s ready.”

I start pouring it into two mugs, only splashing a little with my unsteady hands. Theo’s on his feet, coming around to stand behind me. His arms surround me, his hands closing over mine and he helps me finish pouring without spilling. I absorb his body heat, take solace in his strength.

“You’re a survivor, Quinn. You’re not a mess,” he says firmly before stepping away with his mug. “You came to get my kids when I’m sure a wreck and the hospital triggered horrible memories for you. How could I see you as anything other than strong when you would do that for them?”

My chin quivers, not from panic but emotion. His sincerity is impossible to question and it occurs to me he’s survived something, too, watching his wife lose her battle with cancer.

I give him a nod of thanks which I hope he understands. Speaking is beyond me at the moment. We drink our warm milk in silence and say goodnight outside his bedroom soon afterwards.

When I lay down, my mind is full of him, his scent and the memory of his touch driving away the bad thoughts. In the dark, I don’t fear the past or nightmares. I think of Theo.

I allow my hand to slip down my body and seek pleasure, finding relief with his name on my lips. It’s not enough but it will do. It’s wrong but, here in the dark, I’ll pretend it’s alright.

11-Theo

Days pass and I’m healing even with Dad breathing down my neck to get back to work. I know he wants to retire next year and wants to be sure I’m ready to take over but, Christ, he’s a pain in the ass sometimes who doesn’t understand the meaning of the words ‘slow down.’ Doesn’t help that the vice chairman of our board is constantly nagging him about something which gets passed along to me.

Nevertheless, I’m enjoying rare extra time with my kids and, though Quinn sticks to the background more when they’re with me, we’re not exactly avoiding each other. I don’t want to avoid her at all though I should.

After what she shared the other night and how it felt to have my arms around her again, even for a few moments, I’m going to be sorely tested to keep my distance with this woman but I’ve got to. She’s more than just a good nanny to them. She’s great with them and it’s stirring feelings inside me I’ve no business entertaining.

“Am I silly, Ms. Quinn?” I hear Jill asking one evening when I’m outside her door.

I peek in and spy Quinn tucking her in. “Only when you want to be, which is exactly when we need to be.”

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