Page 10 of Dark Ink

“Is he dead?”

I stare at his dark form only because I feel it would look stupid if I reply too fast. I have no idea who he is; never seen him before in my life.

“I can’t be sure,” I say. “Listen, I wasn’t supposed to tell you any of this, but I figured—”

Tanya doesn’t let me finish. “Whatever. It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone,” she says. “This doesn’t change anything. I’m still pissed at you.”

“Okay, but can we put it aside for one minute?” I open my arms toward her.

“No way in hell I’m going to hug you.” She turns to leave.

I’ve done what I do best again. Upset the person I really want to get along with. Am I surprised? No. I’ve never been good at relationships. It doesn’t bother me, not having friends or lovers, but it’s annoying that I fail every time I try. Chemistry, the one with the substances, is safe because it’s predictable. The chemistry between humans, however, is a whole mess I can’t even begin to comprehend.

“Fine, no hugging,” I say. “Just a double high-five?”

I hold my hands up, hoping she’ll stop.

Jackpot!

She turns around, confusion written all over her face.

I don’t let my arms down despite my heart sinking a little. I thought I got it this time. Before, she would have laughed at the silliness.

“I did help in destroying a bad place today. Surely you can at least congratulate me with a high-five?” I smile. I’m certain I look like an idiot.

Tanya sighs loudly, stomps back, and presses her palms to mine, slowly and deliberately. Then she slides her fingers between mine and squeezes, pushing downward. She twists my wrists back with surprising force. In that one deliberate movement, her anger is as visible as her beauty.

“Why did you leave me when Lavender fell?” she hisses through gritted teeth.

I bend my back to accommodate her vicious twisting. A bit more and I will be on my knees. I can overpower her, but I don’t want to. She’s talking to me, and she’s real. It’s a good thing.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“I don’t want your apologies. Just tell me why.” She continues squeezing and pushing down. We probably look ridiculous. I don’t care. I let her push me to my knees and embrace the pain in my wrists. I haven’t held her smooth hands in so long. Now they’re cold, her sharp nails digging into my skin, but her fingers are entwined with mine. It’s a good thing. It is.

I need to reply and my search for the perfect words returns a blank. So I say what is floating in my mind.

“I didn’t think I had anything useful to give you but my absence. I thought you were stronger without me.”

Tanya pulls her hands away as if I’ve burned her. It was the wrong thing to say.

“Bullshit,” she spits out, her pale skin flushing red with her anger. “Fucking. Bullshit.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Ugh.” She throws her hands up in the air. “Why didn’t you ask? Why did you assume what’s best?”

“Because you told me to stop asking stupid questions. And I did.” My voice is quiet, failing to hide the defeat laced between my words. “When you clench your teeth for years, it’s hard to open up after. You just accept and assume.”

Chapter 7

Five years ago

Ihaven’t seen Tanya tonight, so I go down to the staff break room, hoping she will be there. It’s way past closing time, but I stayed to experiment with the drinks again, planning to catch her on her way out.

Ever since the recent change in management in Lavender, the mood in the club has shifted. It’s like someone turned a dimmer switch on everyone’s behavior.

I stop dead in my tracks when I walk inside the break room and see Tanya half dressed in the corner. Her locker is open, but she’s just standing there, one hand inside, like she’s a beautiful android that’s been switched off. She has her bra and underwear on and is half-wearing a T-shirt. It’s draped across her forearms like she started putting it on, then gave up.

---