“That’s because I didn’t.”
Clive throws his head back and laughs. “I suppose we’re both being truthful now.”
“Opinions can change, though,” I say, in all seriousness. “Even rapidly, in my experience.” I know that better than anyone, although my good opinion of Tess has always been there. I just kept it buried. But I’m beginning to think Frank’s right: I’ve been sabotaging potential relationships by going after women I don’t really want. Women who are no good for me. Women I’m no good for in return. But I get why I did it, however unconsciously.
If you’re not striving for something real, it’s easier to accept the failure.
But with Tess?
She’s one of a kind. She fills in my blank spaces. My many, many blank spaces. And with those holes repaired, I don’t feel half as likely to sink. I think maybe I could be a life raft for her, too, in my own way. But it’s scary to try for that, isn’t it?
There’s always a risk of drowning over love.
Clive clears his throat. “Well good on you then.” He sticks out his hand. “Truce?”
Whoa. Talk about a shift in perspective. A week ago this guy was my least favorite person on the planet. I still disliked himthis morning. Now I’m helping him move frozen meat around and being honest about my feelings.
So I’ve got to give Clive credit. He’s a better man than I thought. The truth is, Ioverthought. Made assumptions to reinforce my conclusions. That’s my modus operandi. At least it used to be. Making a plan, focusing on what’s stable and secure was how I always kept my world structured and safe. No chance of mistakes. Of loss. Of failure.
But I’m seeing things differently these days. Tess McCoy has knocked me off my axis. And I don’t even want to get back on. Maybe the risk is worth the reward.
“No need for a truce,” I say. “We were never at war.” Still, I shake Clive’s hand. Then we finish loading up the second cooler as a team.
By the time we head out to the grill, the food truck’s already in action. The two guys working there are handing a foil-wrapped hotdog to Mrs. Lockhart.
“Ahh, there you are,” she says, shoving the steaming wienie in her purse. “This is just in case I need fortification later.” She squares her shoulders. “Fortification is important.”
“Absolutely,” I say, willing myself not to laugh.
“So are we all set, gentlemen?”
From across the ranch I hear the kids singing the conductor song. I can picture Tess now, whirling around the base of Shady Hill. I think she’s loving this job even more than she expected. Not because she’s told me in so many words, but the look on her face gives the emotions away. I’ve known her for years, so her expressions aren’t new to me. Amusement. Frustration. Sarcasm. Disappointment. Joy. I’ve seen it all for a while now.
I’ve always seen her.
I just wasn’t always looking.
“Oh, Spencer,” Mrs. Lockhart says. “I’m supposed to tell you a group of your friends arrived a bit ago.” She sniffs, and my pulse picks up. “I was going to offer to take them on a tour of the campsite, but then I found out they aren’t Apple Valley residents, so, there was really no need for me to try to impress them.”
I grit my teeth. “Where are they now?”
“I believe they’re over at Shady Hill with Tess. One of them, in particular, seemed quite smitten with her.”
My heart stutters. “Which one?”
“The blond,” Mrs. Lockhart says on a sigh. “Quite handsome, isn’t he? He asked Tess out to dinner, right in front of me. He said he wasquitesure you wouldn’t mind since you and Tess aren’t sweethearts.” She blinks. “Odd wording on that. People can be so odd, can’t they? Anyway, I was about to remind Tess that she’s needed here in camp, but she turned him down before I could. Which was fortuitous. No need for me to step in after all.”
My heart starts banging in my chest now, and all I want to do is mount a big white horse and gallop straight to Tess. Not for her sake. She can hold her own. My charging in would be all for me.
I’ve been in this situation before. With Troy. And things didn’t go my way. But this is much more serious. I’m falling for real this time. And I won’t lose Tess before I get the chance to tell her that. I need to tell her tonight. When everyone’s gone, and the camp is asleep.
I can’t lose Tess.
At all.