Page 4 of Sexploration

Milo was right, I should’ve taken a few days off. No one would’ve faulted me for it. But with the memory of the mess the last substitute made still fresh in my mind, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Besides, I’d rather be here with my students than sitting alone in an empty house with nothing but my thoughts.

My students get up to gather their lunches as the shrill bell rings and wait in line for me at the door. I lead them down to the cafeteria, trying to keep a pleasant smile on my face. No one knows about my pending divorce yet, but I swear every set of eyes I meet in the hallway is filled with pity.

My face falls once I’m alone in my classroom again, the silence easing some of the tension in my body. All I want is to sit here and soak it up for as long as I can, but it doesn’t last long.

“Knock, knock, bish,” Parker says as she pokes her head in the door. “You didn’t think I was going to let you sit in here alone, moping, did you?”

“I mean... I was hoping,” I quip, sitting at my desk.

Parker and I started working at Stewart Elementary the same year and hit it off right away. She’s my person. I’m not sure what I’d do without her. I asked her to meet me for coffee before school this morning so I could tell her about Tommy. As much as I tried to convince her, and myself, that I’m totally fine with everything, it’s obvious she’s worried about me.

“Well, that’s too damn bad.” She pulls a chair over, her lunchbox dropping on my desk with a plop. “There’s not going to be any of this feeling sorry for yourself bullshit. That little trollop did you a favor. Fuck Tommy and his tiny dick.”

I sigh, grabbing my lunch from the bottom drawer of my desk. “God... I just feel like such an idiot. How could I not see what was happening? How could I be so blind and stupid?”

She gives me a look of disapproval, the kind that can silence an entire third-grade class in seconds. “Don’t do that. This isn’t on you. He’s a cheating scumbag. That isn’t your fault.”

“I know you’re right.” I nod my head, chewing on my bottom lip to keep the bubbling emotions at bay. “And to be honest, I’m not sad. I’m just angry. At myself more than anything. I wasted ten years being married to that man. Plus, the years we dated before that. Yet, the only loss I’m feeling is for the life I could’ve been living. It’s pathetic that I wasted so many years on a man I don’t even care about.”

A cloud of sympathy casts a shadow over her features. Parker doesn’t believe my little rant any more than I do. The truth is, this hurts like hell. As much as I hate to admit that to myself. I loved Tommy very much in the beginning. Or at least I thought I did. Somewhere along the way, I think I fell in love with the idea of us—of the life I thought we’d have together. But he was never the man I’d built him up to be in my mind.

“Well, you can’t dwell on all that now. It’s time to saddle up and find a new dick to ride.”

I laugh, the thought of sleeping with someone new heating my face. “Jesus... I’m not sure I even remember how.”

“See, that’s just tragic. It might be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” She grins as I flip her off. “I’m telling you, all you need is a little vitamin D and you’ll be good as new.”

“I don’t know.” The snap of the pop-top on my Dr. Pepper echoes in the silent room. “Bringing another dick into my life is the last thing I need right now.”

I take a swig of the sugary goodness as August crosses my mind, the image of him in those damn gray sweatpants making me rethink my stance.

“Oh, no, honey. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying you should settle down with one. At least not until you’ve done a little exploring first. I think that would be good for you. You’re a badass goddess, and it’s time you remember that.”

It doesn’t surprise me that Parker would think that’s a good idea. I haven’t known the woman to be in a serious relationship the entire time we’ve been friends. She never gives anyone the chance. Not anyone who truly wants one, anyway.

“Great. So... instead of anEat, Pray, Lovekind of thing, you’re suggesting I go on some type of...sexploration to find myself again?”

“Sexploration!” She squeals, her face lighting up like a Christmas tree. “Oh, my God, yes! That’s perfect!”

“You’re such a little nympho,” I tease, opening my lunchbox.

“What can I say?” She tosses her hair over her shoulder with a grin. “I see something I want and take it. And I’m not the least bit sorry about it, either. You should try it sometime.”

I shake my head, taking my sandwich out. “I’m not brave and confident like you.”

The only thing my best friend is afraid of is falling in love. She possesses the type of self-assurance that only someone with her beauty can—petite, blonde, perfectly bronzed skin. Everything I wished to be in my formative years. It isn’t easy growing up as a chubby redhead. Even as I grew taller and thinned out, my fat distributing to all the right places, those insecurities stuck to me.

Parker reaches across the table and pulls something off the side of my Ziploc bag. “Umm... excuse me. What is this, ma’am?”

I grab the note from her hand and read through it twice, my cheeks burning from the grin splitting my face.

I’ll bring home dinner tonight. Would you like to be my dessert?

<3 August

“It’s nothing.” My answer doesn’t even sound convincing, my smile stubbornly staying in place as I stash the note back in my lunchbox. “Just August being August.”

“Girl, that man is trouble in the best possible way.” She inhales, fanning herself. “My lady bits tingle every time I see him. You need to get you some of that.”

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