Page 28 of Sexploration

My jaw tics, anger bubbling in my gut. There’s nothing confusing about it. At least not for me.

“Jesus, Jos.” There’s still a bite in my tone as I turn my back to her and grab the glasses of wine off the counter, hiding my feelings with a forced smile before facing her again. “It’s just dinner. It’s not like I’m proposing here.” Her lips curve into a frown as I hand her one of the glasses. “Though I am always happy to get on my knees for you.”

Josie rolls her eyes when I wink then quickly polishes off her wine, placing the empty glass on the counter. “Don’t do that. If we’re going to have this conversation, let’s have it. For real.”

I throw my own drink back, placing my wineglass next to hers. “What else is there to say? You want to fuck me, but going on an actual date with me is too far. Got it.”

“That isn’t fair.” There’s hurt in her voice, but her brow knits with resentment. “You have to admit that this... you and me... won’t work.”

“I don’t have to admit shit.” I huff, my arms crossing. “It seems to be going pretty fucking well so far.”

She lets out an exasperated sigh, her head shaking. “And what about Milo? Did you tell him you’ve been banging the living daylights out of his sister yet?” She takes the silence as my answer, her lips pressed with condescension. “Exactly. You think I want to be the cause of a fight between the two of you?”

I guess I’ve never thought about it from that perspective, how it would feel for her if this thing between us caused a rift with her brother. And if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not entirely sure my best friend won’t be pissed at me. At least at first. The timing alone is questionable, with the ink barely being dry on her divorce papers and all.

“I’m not worried about Milo,” I lie, the truth in the lack of conviction behind my words. “What else you got?”

“For starters, you’reonlytwenty-six.”

I take a deep breath, running a hand through my hair. “Don’t give me that shit. My age doesn’t have anything to fucking do with this.”

“Are you kidding?” she squeaks, her voice going up an octave. “It haseverythingto do with it. You still have so much life to live. And someday, you’re going to want to get married and have kids.”

“You’re not a psychic,” I clip. “You don’t know that. And I still don’t see why—”

“Those things aren’t on the table with me, August. What’s the point in taking this any further when there’s no future?” I hate the regret in her voice, the agony behind her stare making my chest ache.

“All I want is you,” I tell her, pulling her into my arms. “I don’t give a shit about all that other crap.”

“You will.” Her eyes well up with tears, her bottom lip trembling. “And I can’t let you give up anything for me.”

I kiss the top of her head, my arms tightening around her. “Well, I’m not letting you—”

“I’m going on a date with someone else,” she blurts, pulling out of my hold.

It feels like someone punched me in the gut, my stomach churning. “Bullshit. With whom?”

“Elias. The bartender from the other night.”

My head spins, my lungs no longer taking in air. It was obvious that the fucker was hitting on her last weekend. If age is her issue, he has no problem there. The dude must’ve been in his fifties. But I never took my eyes off them for a second. He didn’t have a chance to ask her out. And she came back over to me. She left with me.

“No.” I shake my head, letting out a humorless laugh. “I know you. There’s no way you would plan a date with that guy and then fuck me.”

Her eyes fall. “We ran into each other again, and...”

My heart sinks as her words trail off. Knowing that she agreed to go out with someone else after we started sleeping together feels worse. Much worse. While I was completely falling for her, filling my head with delusions of a future together, she was already planning to hook up with someone else.

“So, what? This was all just a part of yoursexploration? You’ve had your fun with me, and now you’re ready to move on to the next guy?”

She lets out a sorrowful breath, her shoulders slumping. “August, I—”

“Don’t,” I growl, guilt coiling in my guts when she flinches.

“Please don’t be upset with me.” Her pleading voice grows more desperate as I step around her, walking away. “Where are you going?”

“Out,” I call over my shoulder, not brave enough to look back at her.

Being around her hurts too much right now. I’ve got to get out of this house and away from her before I say or do something that can’t be taken back. I need a minute to think, to process what the hell just happened. There’s a choice to be made—end things now and protect my heart... or risk it all for the chance to be with her. If only for a little while.

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