Page 124 of If I Could

“You can’t catch me from up there.”

He sighs. “You were afraid of the motorcycle, right?”

“Yes.” But I never told him that. He must’ve been able to tell.

“And you ended up loving it.”

“Yeah.”

“So give this a try. If you don’t like it, you can climb back down. I’ll help you.”

“Okay, but if I break a leg, you’re making dinner for the rest of the summer.”

“Deal.”

He holds his hand out. I take it and he pulls me up beside him.

“Look.” He points straight ahead.

“Wow.” I smile as I see it. “It’s beautiful.”

The sun is setting and looks absolutely stunning. It’s like a painting, with the endless fields of wheat below, the country road off in the distance.

“I found this the other day. I needed to get out of the house so I got on the motorcycle and just drove. On my way back, I spotted this tree poking out of the fields. I went to check it out and sat up here for like an hour, just thinking about stuff. And then the sun started to set and I couldn’t leave. It was so beautiful. I’ve seen a lot of sunsets, but this one here…it’s different. Maybe it’s because nobody else is around, but sitting here, watching it, made this calmness come over me. I’ve been coming here every night since.”

He puts his arm around me. “I wanted to share it with you.” I feel him kiss my head as he holds me closer. “I love it here because it makes me feel the same way I feel when I’m with you. You calm me, Sage, in a way no one else can. It’s what drew me to you when we first met. I love that you make me feel that way. Nobody else ever has.”

His words warm my heart and I’m happy he’s opening up to me like this, but his comment has me wondering what he means.

“Why do you need that?”

“Need what?”

“Why do you crave the calmness?”

His arm stiffens around me. “I just do. Doesn’t everyone?”

“I don’t know. I never did until everything blew up with my dad. Before that, I was content in my life. I loved my college, my friends, where my life was headed. But then everything got turned upside down and I was surrounded by chaos. The peace I used to feel was gone. I just wondered if something like that happened to you. If there was something in your life that changed, that threw everything out of balance, created chaos where it wasn’t before.”

I feel his arm slowly relax and then he says, “I guess maybe my mom dying. She brought peace to the house. That feeling of calmness that welcomes you after a long day.”

“Your mom died a while ago.”

“Yeah, so you can see why I like this spot. And why I like being with you. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that calmness.”

“So your dad…” I’m afraid to ask about his dad. He doesn’t like talking about him. If I even bring him up, Kyle changes the subject.

“We should go,” Kyle says.

Just as I predicted, he’s avoiding the topic of his dad. I really want to know why but that’ll have to wait for another day.

He jumps down from the tree and holds his arms out. “Go ahead.”

“I can’t jump. I’ll knock you over.”

“You think I’m that weak?” He laughs. “I’m insulted. Now hurry up.”

I jump down and he catches me, then gives me a kiss. He holds my hand as we walk through the now-dark path that leads back to the road. Then we ride his motorcycle on the short trip back to my house.

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