Page 146 of If I Could

I hope she doesn’t tell me she wants time apart to think about things. Because that could lead to us breaking up, and I can’t let that happen. She’s what’s been keeping me going all summer. She’s been my hope, my inspiration. Seeing her smile every day, despite the hell her father put her through, has helped me believe I could get through my own personal hell. And I did. I have. Now I’m ready to move forward with the woman I love.

But her silence is making me think she may not want that.

CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT

SAGE

“You don’t wantto live with me,” Kyle says, sounding disappointed.

He made that assumption because I haven’t responded. It’s not that I don’t want to live with him. I’m just trying to think through everything that’s happened today. Just hours ago, I found out Kyle wasn’t really Kyle, a writer from California, but Jonathan, who is actually from New York. I don’t even know if he’s really a writer.

“Is it because of Cain?” he asks. “Because I swear he won’t cause any problems. He’s a great kid. He’ll need time to adjust to the move but—”

“It’s not about Cain. I just…” She pauses.

“What?”

“It’s all so much to take in. All this time I thought you were just a regular guy but it turns out you had this whole secret life I never knew about. I think I just need some time to process that.”

“Sage, I know it’s a lot, finding all this out, and I understand if you need time to feel like you can trust me again, but I need you to know I never wanted to lie to you. I just couldn’t bring you into this. It was too dangerous.”

“Is it still? I mean, what exactly was your dad involved in?”

“He was selling weapons on the black market. Guns, and I don’t know what else. I don’t know all the details but I know that’s how he was making most of his money. His business, the legal one, is an import business. He brings in products from overseas and sells them. He makes good money but not enough to afford this house and his lifestyle.”

“I’m sorry, Kyle.” She rubs my arm.

“About what?”

“About your dad. You already lost your mom and now you find this out about your dad. And he tried to hurt you. I can’t even imagine how that feels. My father stole from me and lied to me but he’d never physically hurt me.”

“He wasn’t my dad.”

“What?”

“My mom had an affair. My dad just told me. It’s a long story and I don’t want to talk about it right now. I need to accept it first. We’re both finding out stuff today and it’s a lot to take in.”

She nods. “So um…what exactly do you do? I assume you’re not a writer?”

“No. I don’t really do much of anything. I know that sounds bad but the past couple years I’ve been trying to figure out what it is I want to do.”

“And you never went to college?”

“Actually, I did. I told you I didn’t so you wouldn’t try to look me up under my fake name to see if I really went there. I only went for three years. I never graduated. I dropped out before my senior year. That’s when my mom died. After that I kind of lost my motivation to do anything.”

“What’d you study in college?”

“Business, but it really didn’t interest me. I just had to pick a degree.”

“You could always go back.”

“I guess, but I don’t know what I’d go back for.” He chuckles. “The funny thing is…I did kind of like writing.”

“You were actually writing a book? You didn’t make that up?”

“I didn’t write a book, but I did write a few pages of what happened when I first got to town last May. I wanted to remember it so I wrote it like I was writing a story. The first scene was you driving up beside me on the road.”

“Really?” I smile. “Are you sure you want to remember that? We fought that day.”

---