Page 77 of Feral

My voice was too light, too sure to be true.

Fraser must see right through me. How could he not? I’m a mess inside whether I want to acknowledge it or not.

“Aye,” he said at last, “that sounds like a good plan.”

I couldn’t get out of the Jeep fast enough. And before he was even at the sidewalk, my hand was on the door knob of the bookstore. I waited until he was behind me to open the squeaky door and go inside.

The shop was old, as evidenced by the way the floor slanted, and the sheen on the well-worn wood of the counter tops and book shelves, which rose almost to the low ceiling. A smiling young woman and an older man stood behind the counter ringing up a shopper and chatting about the book they just bought. I was relieved when they only nodded and smiled at us, not seeking to guide me in any way. I wasn’t here to speak to people, I was here to discover a new friend, a new world, a new obsession. My fingertips grazed the spines of a nearby collection, all books on gardening. I had a decidedly black thumb, but my heart was still pulled by the beautiful lettering and the few covers I could see. If it was a book, no matter the subject matter, I seemed to be in danger of enchantment.

It was like magic the way books could steady me, the instantaneous way they had of making my fears and sadness go away. At least for a little while.

“What do you want to look for?” Fraser asked.

“Everything,” I said.

I wandered to the back of the shop, drawn by the way the sunlight streamed in and illuminated the dust in the air. Our feet caused the floor to creak, and the slope was worse now, but I didn’t care. There was no one else back here and the tall shelves hid us from those in the front.

After a quick perusal of the shelves I realized that I’d wandered into the history section and let out a sigh of pleasure.

“What is it?” Fraser asked.

“One of my favorite places of any book store is the history section.”

I plucked down a book on the women who had ruled the Egyptian empire and thumbed through it until I found the pictures that inevitably were included in books like this. I stared at them, studying and longing to get my hands on the statues and bowls, the funeral masks and such that they showed.

“I love ancient Egypt, I’ve always wanted to go,” I professed. “Actually, I want to goeverywhere. Egypt, Cyprus, Greece. I want to touch the pillars of Aphrodite’s temple, and stand at the foot of the Colossi of Memnon. To climb the great pyramids and walk through the valley of the kings. I want to dig in the earth and find something that no one has touched in a thousand years and unlock its secrets. Maybe finally find Nefertiti’s tomb or the resting place of Alexander the Great. I want to…”

I looked up at Fraser, whose gaze had gone soft as he leaned on a shelf and listened to me. A relaxed smile graced his lips under his beard. Normally, when I ramble, people tend to tune me out, or try to show interest that they don’t really feel. But not Fraser. I could tell that he’d been not just listening, but invested in what I was saying. These dreams of mine, so precious that I’d hardly told anyone about them, had come tumbling from my mouth as if Fraser’s kiss from before had been laced with truth serum.

I blushed and looked down at the book.

“I talk too much.”

“No, lass. I could listen to ya talk all day like that. Yer face…ya get all glowy when ya talk about the things ya love.”

“I think that’s my penchant for blushing at the drop of a hat.”

He chuckled and I had to force myself not to let the sound rumble through me.

“Aye, but it’s glowy nonetheless.”

I longed to bask in this moment, the way he was gazing at me, the warmth of being found interesting not boring. But I couldn’t. Not when we’d just had a conversation about our feelings and how we couldn’t let them get the better of us.

So I turned away and began to replace the book on the shelf when Fraser took it from my hands.

“Ya want this one?”

“Yes but—”

“My treat. As many as ya want.”

I choked out a laugh.

“Donotmake a promise like that to someone like me.”

“Why not? Ya think I can’t afford it?”

“I think you won’t be able to carry them all.”

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