Page 63 of Hate the Way You Lie (Hate 2)

No matter what, I won’t stop trying. I’ll sleep outside the door every night. Give her everything she needs, even if that means staying away from her. It will kill me, but I’ll do anything she wants. She is worth it. Hearing that she believed I thought all those things about her was fucking shattering. I would never think she was worthless or trash. Even though she was pouring her broken heart out and screaming on the verge of tears, I could see the want in her emerald eyes. Deep down, I believe she wants to forgive me… She just can’t, yet. She needs time and proof that I’m not just spouting a bunch of bullshit. She doesn’t trust me; I deserve that, but it will change. If it takes my whole life to get her to trust me again, it will be a life well-lived.

Tara has made me realize that all the lessons my father taught me over the years are a crock of shit. She’s the exact opposite of who I was before I met her, but she’s who I want to be in the future. Selfless. Hard-working. Unbreakable.

People will never respect you if they think you’re a fucking soft little baby.

People will think you’re trash if you don’t breed with class, leave your whores as mistresses and marry up.

You think opening up your own little firm away from mine will ever make you successful? I will make sure you never see a penny from this town if you do that.

Do what you have to do to get ahead, and fuck whoever you have to step on to get there.

My father’s words continue to echo in my head about everything he wanted me to believe was true. All the ideas from him that Tara has shattered into a million pieces by being her. She is the best part of me. She is the best part of this house, and I was too late to realize it. That’s something I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive myself on.

For her, I’ll give anything, so I let her leave, walking out that door with her doubt and despair eating her alive. I likely just pushed her deeper into Reilly’s arms, but at least I know she’s safe and loved. He wouldn’t hurt her like I did. We all know he’s a better fit for her than I ever could be.

I’m not stupid either. Rush stays in the room with her every night. I’ve seen the camera footage as they all curled up on my bed together, even the damn dog. They all do stuff together that I only wish I could be a part of. She’s comfortable with both of them and trusts them. Rush hasn’t tried hiding his feelings for her since she’s been back. He’s made it blatantly clear how he feels about her and the feelings are mutual between them.Another person I have to compete with.

At this point, I’d give anything to curl up beside her, just like her mutt.

I’ll be worthy of her one day. Probably not any time soon. I handed her over to her worst nightmare. She was used, abused, and almost died because of me. I’m not going to give up on her. I can be patient, waiting for her to let me in again. But while I wait, I’m also going to focus my energy and attention on getting my hands on the man that destroyed her.

She won’t admit it, but she’s barely hanging on by a thread.

From what Rush tells me, she’s been doing better and slowly coming back to her old self, though she’s got a long way to go. All because of me and that monster.

I want to kill him for it, but to do that, I need to find him first. Rush has been looking tirelessly when he’s not with Tara, and Lya hasn’t stopped searching either. I haven’t heard anything from her, so I’m assuming she hasn’t found anything yet. With those two searching and having every single Snake on the lookout, he’s got to turn up eventually. We printed off pictures of Zayan and handed them out, letting everyone know to call me if they see him.

He’s a master at disappearing and returning on his terms if the story Rush told me is anything to go by. Apparently, Zayan left Tara for dead once before and completely vanished until recently. I have no idea what brought him back, but if things go according to his plans, he won’t be found until he wants to be, if ever. Tara is a captivating woman, and any man who has had her in his arms before will never stay away forever. She’s kryptonite, and he’ll mess up eventually because of it.

The ringing of my cell pulls me from my drowning thoughts. Grabbing it from my pocket, I glance at the name.Great.Just what I need.

I hit accept and smash the phone against my ear. “Hi, Mom.”

“Well, there’s my baby boy. I thought something had happened to you. I haven’t heard from you in days.” Here goes the dramatics. I saw her four days ago, the night I came home to find Tara curled up outside with Rush and Reilly.

“I’m fine, and I’m not a child anymore.”

“Oh, someone’s a little uptight this morning, but remember you’ll always be my handsome baby boy.” I roll my eyes at her baby voice. I hate it when she treats me like I’m still a kid.

Ignoring her, I cut to the chase. “What’s up? I figured you’d be out in the garden on this nice day.”

“I was earlier but…” Something sounds off in her voice.

“Mom? You okay?”

Her tiny sniffles echo through the phone and my muscles tighten. My mom has always been my rock. Hearing her cry honestly feels like death. “Yeah, honey. I’m just feeling a little lonely these days.” My heart drops but I don’t say anything. I’ve been such a selfish ass lately I haven’t even thought about how she’s been doing.

She can’t take the silence on my end, so she keeps rambling. “Your father wasn’t always the most pleasant to be around toward the end, but at one point, he loved me as much as I still love him. He was a good man once, even though he became bitter and resentful. I’ll always remember him as the man I have loved since I laid eyes on him. The man who cherished me with his entire soul. I know you two had your rocky relationship, but he did love you even if he didn’t show it.” Her voice cracks with a hurt I can’t even imagine. I hate my dad with a passion, but I’d do anything to take her pain away—even bring the bastard back. Her comment about him loving me is nothing more than a joke. He only liked that I was a male to carry on the Taylor name.

My mother, though. She’s a godsend. She’s done everything for me. Made me feel safe, loved, and cared for. Hell, she even took Reilly in and did the same for him. She’s the most selfless person I’ve ever met and doesn’t deserve this kind of agony.

“I know, Mom. I know how much you love him. I remember how good he was to you.” I pace around my office to work off the stress just the thought of him puts on me.

“He really was...” More sniffles come through the phone.

“You know you can always talk to me about anything, right?” I’m all she has left in this world. If she doesn’t have me, she has no one. I can’t let her feel alone. Sure, she has her friends, but they don’t know her like I do, and most of them only care about the latest gossip instead of how you’re actually doing.

“I know, baby. You’re just so busy. I don’t want to bother you.” She thinks she’s a bother? How could I make my mother feel this way? I’m starting to realize even more that I’m a prick when it comes to my relationships. A selfish prick who only thinks about himself.

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