Page 115 of Hate You Forever (Hate 1)

I smirk at him. “A security threat, huh?”

“Yep. Looks like the coast is clear.” His voice cracks with nerves, like he wants to say something else.

“Can’t you see the pool from the cameras? Like, a very clear shot of the pool if I’m not mistaken.” I’ve seen it plenty of times on the screen when I’ve sat in his office with him. The shot of the pool is extremely easy to see, so he’d know if there was anything suspicious going on. If the views are the same on his phone, he definitely would have seen it was me out here.

“I… Well…” He lets out a long breath. “Okay, you got me there. I wanted to make sure you’re alright. You haven’t been sleeping well lately since that Zayan incident, and I wanted to check on you.” He gives a small shrug and a lazy smile. One that’s handsome enough to almost melt the clothes off my body.

“I’m good. Just another episode of the Marnix and Tara show.” I laugh. Marnix and I are a reality television show waiting to happen, thanks to how back and forth we are. We could probably have six seasons and a movie by now.

I move to sit on one of the lounge chairs, and Rush follows. He sits next to me, leaning in so his knee presses against mine, creating that relaxing contact between us.

“Did he say something?” His voice has an angry edge to it.

“No... Well yes, initially, but surprisingly this time it wasn’t something he did.”

“What do you mean?” Confusion etches across his face.

“You mean you weren’t watching us at dinner?” There’s no way he wasn’t. He watches everything.

“Marnix told me to shut the kitchen cameras. The only thing I saw was you running back to your room on the hall cameras.” That’s interesting. Marnix must have really wanted our dinner to be private, just between us. He went to great lengths to make it special, and it was—until I ruined the moment between us. Maybe if I’d stayed, Marnix and I could’ve actually started mending whatever it is that’s broken between us.

“The dinner was good. Shockingly good. But the end didn’t go so well.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Rush places his hand on my knee, running his thumb back and forth over my skin. I’m not sure he even realizes what he’s doing, but it feels natural. Everything about being around Rush feels natural, like I don’t have to try with him because he just gets it.

“No, it’s fine. Marnix tried to kiss me, and I pulled away. I told him I couldn’t do it, because he’d only push me away again. And then I ran.”

“You pushed him away?” He seems shocked by my admission. It’s clear Marnix has been the one trying to ignore me since day one, so knowing that I’m the one who rejected Marnix is probably confusing at best.

“Uh, yeah.” I chuckle nervously. He sits in silence, mulling over what I just told him. I can see the wheels are turning in his head, but he doesn’t say anything else. I can see that he wants to say something else, but he’s hesitating. “Say it. Whatever you’re thinking, just say it.”

“Did you tell him about Zayan?”

I figured he’d ask again. There’s no way he’ll forget what I told him about Zayan. Part of me is concerned he’s going to go after him when I’m not around.

“No.” I wouldn’t even know where to begin with telling Marnix about Zayan, and I really don’t want to.

“That’s okay. You don’t need to right now.” He squeezes my knee reassuringly.

“Ever,” I say firmly.

“Tara.” He sighs. “I’m not telling you how to live your life, but maybe someday you could tell him. It might help him understand you better. He’s not a bad man—he won’t judge you like you think, I swear.”

“I’ll think about it.” I cut him off before he can say anything else about the matter. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about Zayan any more than I have to. “Have you seen Cohutta lately?”

He shakes his head, looking at me with concern. “He’s been leaving pretty early and staying out late. He hasn’t been around much.”

“That’s what I thought.” It pains me to know that’s my fault. I know he’s avoiding me and probably Marnix. Or maybe just me. I’m not really sure where their friendship lies right now, but it’s clear that he doesn’t want to see me. It feels weird to miss him, considering I was always trying to push him away, but I can’t get him out of my head.

“They’ll come around. I’m not sure what’s going on between you and them, but it will work out how it’s supposed to.” It’s like Rush can hear the thoughts swirling in my head. Maybe I do wear all my emotions on my face, just like Marnix said. Rush probably has picked up on it too.

“Let’s hope so.” I smile at him, trying to feel better about the situation.

“They will.” He sounds so sure. I want to believe the words coming out of his mouth. I’m not sure how Rush and Marnix connected, but I’m thankful they did. I lean my head on his shoulder, taking in all the solace I can get. His muscles tense for a second, but he relaxes right after continuing to squeeze my knee.

Rush has been a constant this last week, keeping me on steady feet. Even in the times we sit next to each other in silence, I feel comfort from him. He’s got a calming presence to him, one that’s reassuring, protective, and kind.

I’m not sure living in this house is good for my mental health. I’ve got myself in a tangled mess, with feelings for three men. Two of them I’m actively desiring, while also trying to push them away. The third I’m trying to get close to, but he’s keeping his distance from me.

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