Page 108 of Hate You Forever (Hate 1)

All I can hear is the scraping of forks against plates and the erratic beating of my heart.

I have no idea how to start this. Talking about feelings has never interested me before.

Tara shovels another bite of manicotti into her mouth, and I do the same to fill in the awkward tension. I’ve been drowning myself in work lately, trying to ignore how I feel about her. When I’m not working, I’m killing myself in the gym.

Honestly, I’m doing anything I can to isolate myself from her and Reilly. I’m not ready to face the reality that something’s pulling me towards her, and yet I’m pushing her closer to him.

Every time I look at her, the image of her naked in Reilly’s bed is all I can see. The way his eyes lit up when he talked about her was confirmation that she really was the one he’d fallen for. The way he’s been moping around like a lost puppy since I’ve been ignoring him makes me feel like a dick. He fucking cares about her, and it’s obviously deeper than sex for him; it’s something that could be real between them.

But I’m worried it’s not the same for her. From what he told me back when she was still his mystery girl, she was pushing him out the door the second they were done fucking.

She’s not the relationship type—I could see that the second I met her. She’s the complete opposite of Reilly. He attaches to people like glue the second he meets them. I know he hates being alone, even if he’ll never admit it to me.

I don’t want them together.

I keep telling myself it’s because she’ll hurt him—which she will—but I also know it’s more than that. Tara gets under my skin and is a huge pain in the ass, but I just can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t want to be away from her like I keep claiming.

Raging jealousy simmers inside me every time I think of them together. Not because I don’t want him to be happy, but because I desperately want it for myself.

I told her once we were married that I’d stay as far away as possible, only seeing her when we had a required outing. That might’ve been true when I said it, but that’s not how I’m feeling now. Now I’m anxious to see her any chance I get. I’ve even been sneaking into the security room sometimes, just to see her on the feed. Rush doesn’t ever say anything, but I know he probably thinks I’m a desperate piece of shit.

She’s messing with my head.

I’ve been dying inside these past couple days, and tiptoeing around her has made me grumpier than usual. I couldn’t stand being away from her any longer, so I basically forced her to have dinner with me tonight. Now that we’re here, I don’t know what to fucking say. What a damn loser.

When I married her, I never thought I’d feel more for her. She was purely a means to an end. The ticket to my father’s firm. I should be focusing on that, but I can’t get her piercing green eyes, dark hair, and luscious curves out of my head.

I need to stay far away from her. For her sake and mine.

I’m good with the Snakes, but working for them is dangerous. That’s already evident, since the Draaks want my head. If I let Tara get close to me, she could be hurt as collateral.

As much as she gets on my nerves, I’m not sure I’d be able to live with myself if she got hurt. My chest hurts just thinking about it.

I can’t let her get any closer.

So I do what I do best—push her away. It’s the only way to keep her safe. “Fuck any more of my friends lately? You begging Rush to fuck you yet?”

Tara’s fork clacks against the plate, and her mouth drops in surprise. “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think I’m just some whore who opens her legs for everyone I meet?”

Internally, I flinch at the use of the word whore. All I can hear is Randall’s voice in my head, calling her the same thing. The night she thought I didn’t stick up for her, the same night that led her straight to Reilly.

I shrug nonchalantly. “You seem to enjoy it.”

“I enjoy sex, so what? Bet you do too, asshole. Cohutta is the only person I’ve slept with in months, not that it’s any of your business.” She’s on a roll now and there’s no stopping the fire burning in her eyes. “Why are you so pissed about it? Because he’s your best friend? Because he didn’t sign a NDA? Or is it something else, Marnix?”

She’s got me there. My teeth clench as I stare her down. “The contract didn’t say you could screw my best friend.”

She smirks. “It didn’t say I couldn’t.”

I don’t know what comes over me. The anger is boiling in my veins, but I smile.

I fucking smile at the sass on this girl.

“You sure you’re not a lawyer, peasant?”

“I definitely could be.” Picking up her fork, she takes another bite, not taking her eyes off me.

“You could. Only thing that would hold you back is your face.” Her brows furrow in confusion, proving my point. “You wear your emotions on your face. Any worthy opponent could tell your next move.”

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