Page 59 of Becoming Wanton (Trade Wind 3)

When his sculpted lips moved toward her forehead, she gripped his arms in return—to stop him. He froze. Bea could have resisted his questioning look, but she couldn’t ignore Miriam’s worry. The girl’s brow was furrowing. Bea released William’s arms and closed her eyes.

Surely, with everyone watching, he would make this spectacle quick. Press a chaste kiss to her, then climb the stairs past his army of servants and enter his domain.

His mouth caressed her temple, near her ear, startling her. Gripping his arms once more, she held her breath.Push him away!she urged herself fruitlessly. Entranced, she found herself standing in shock as his lips trailed onto a cheek and kissed her there, a scant inch from her aching mouth.

His warm breath slid over her lips before he kissed her other cheek.

“Seeing you again, Bea, being close to you”—his lips moved to her ear, where he continued to speak in low tones—“it’s as if I’m drawing air again for the first time in two months. Like my heart is finally beating again.”

Her own heart beat wildly, both at his words and his closeness. After a spending a summer day trapped in the carriage, he smelled very…William.She recognized that scent on an elemental level. Craved it. Recalled all the times she had breathed it in as he moved within her.

Whatever control Bea had over her mind, she experienced little influence over her heart or body in that moment. All the air left her when William pulled her entirely into his embrace. My God, the servants were watching! The children! Still, he held her close.

“I’m giving you fair warning, Bea,” he said near the shell of her ear, causing tingles to run through her. “I know I’ve wounded you deeply. But Iloveyou. I need you. It may take time. Effort. But I won’t rest until I’ve earned your trust again. Earned my place by your side.” His mouth pressed against her neck, making her eyes open in shock. “In your bed. All night long.”

Her mouth parted just as he stepped back. Eyes darting, she caught her breath and sought to gather herself. The children spilled into the space between her and William, and she pretended to observe them while her thoughts reeled.

“I love you.”

They had never said the words to each other, not even at their closest, and until today, she had never felt their lack. Could never have believed their impact. Would not have imagined she could still wish to hear them.

God, give me strength, she prayed, recognizing her vulnerability. Yes, oh yes, her knees were as weak as her resolve now. But she was confident this new husband would not last; thathisresolve was even more fragile than hers. She had seen a version of this man before, after all, only to watch him disappear.

“Papa, watch how Ben walks!” Miriam urged, putting the boy down.

Bea smiled distractedly but with tenderness when Ben’s legs pumped toward her.

“Clever lad,” Augustus remarked.

“That he is,” William agreed.

She swept Ben into her arms and inhaled his sweet scent, hoping to replace that of his father.

“Pa! Pa! Pa!”

“Yes, Papa is here,” she said in an animated tone, all the while hoping her own upset wasn’t showing.

William climbed the stairs, holding Edmund’s and Isabella’s hands, and after Bea entrusted her son to the nursemaid, she trailed behind.

“Please see that a chamber is prepared for Captain Dalfour,” she instructed the housekeeper. Of course the woman knew very well what needed to be done, but it permitted Bea a brief delay in following, just as it provided an excuse to linger on the ground floor and see that another place setting was added to the dining table.

She remained in the house during William and Augustus’s expedition outside with the children to inspect their fort, nestled in the trees along the river. The men returned barely in time to bathe before supper.

William’s hair, still drying, shone in the candlelight from the candelabras on the dining table. It was challenging to keep her eyes off her freshly shaved husband. He cast a sense of optimism and confidence that both vexed and attracted her. His happiness at being reunited with the children—and her—was unhidden.

But there was something more about him, something…different. Oh, he remained his ever polite and proper self. In his eyes lurked some shadows of the pain between them.

Yet, as they conversed, she had the growing sense he was a man less burdened. The determination he had declared upon his arrival remained, but it seemed to have replaced the…struggle. Since the earliest days of her marriage, his great efforts to hold himself back were so part of him they had seemed indelible.

While Augustus recounted a recent cavalry exercise William asked about, Bea did her best to listen politely. Her glances at her husband were occasional and she believed she masked her interest in him. William also listened to his brother—his questions made that clear—but his loving and curious gaze upon her disguised nothing.

I love you, it conveyed.

Knowing it was time to participate more in the conversation, Bea placed all her attention on her brother-in-law. “During your last visit, you spoke of the difficulties with the soldiers who transferred to your regiment—the ones whose previous commanding officers were…harsh.”

Her characterization was a polite understatement; Augustus had shared in general terms that those men had been subjected to abuse. While they were grateful for the transfer, effected when their regiment’s practices became so egregious the higher ranks could no longer ignore them, they had struggled to operate in a more functional regiment.

“Bringing those men into the fold has been the greatest challenge I have faced in my career,” Augustus admitted, setting down his fork. After staring at the peas on his plate for some time, he met Bea’s eyes. “At times, I have secretly cursed not only their former officers, who caused such harm to the men, but the men themselves. Neither I nor my subordinates gave these men any reason to cause trouble, yet they couldn’t resist. I ignored what I could. Was fair but firm with what I couldn’t.”

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