Page 83 of Kiss Away Your Pain (Wounded Hearts 2)

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Enzo

Knowing she’s safe, I Uber home, my mind hazy, my body exhausted. I’m still trying to process how Dom,her fucking soul mate, was the guy who saved my life and I’m now dating…shit, have fallen in love with…his almost-fiancée. This is fucked up on so many levels.

My rib cage clenches tight around my heart. I can’t even imagine what she’s going through right now. It’s unfathomable to me. I want so badly to hold her in my arms. To comfort or console her in some way. To take away the hurt that’s imprisoning her and has been for years.

She probably wants to throw me off a roof, lighting me on fire on the way down. Obviously, I didn’t kill the guy and she knows that, but the anger combusting behind her eyes and the ferocity reddening her features when she looked at me, bared the depth of pain consuming her soul. I know displaced anger and blame well enough to know she hurled them onto me the instant she connected that he saved my life. I’m here, he’s gone.

What the fuck do I do now?

The next morning, my phone chimes.

Candi:I’m sorry I ran out last night. Can we talk?

Me:It’s okay. I understand. Yes. When can I see you?

Candi:Tonight? My house?

Me:Be there around 5:00?

Candi:Okay.

I hit the gym, run my Saturday errands, and toil for much of the afternoon, trying to figure out what to even say to her. There arenowords for this situation. Sadness weighs heavy in my heart, ripping me apart inside.

Do I let her go? If we try to stay together, will she always see a reminder of her dead boyfriend when she looks at me? Will I ever live up to him? Could I ever be enough for her? Or will our staying together only cause her pain?

Maybe it would be better for both of us if I just walk away.Can I walk away?

I love her.

I fucking love her.

I arrive early, as usual, pacing until it’s time, nerves getting the better of me. At four fifty-nine, I ring her bell, my stomach twisting in knots. I take a deep breath before she opens the door, trying to prepare myself for a conversation that’s going to destroy me.

When she opens the door, her essence strikes me in the face, knocking the air from my lungs.

“Hi,” she says sweetly, then opens the door wider for me to enter.

“Hi.” I bow my head and walk in, moisture coating my palms.

Tension looms.

Closing the door and locking it, she walks toward the kitchen. “Want something to drink?”

“No, thanks.” As much as a drink would probably settle my damn nerves, I need to have a clear head right now. I walk to the sofa, my legs dragging, and sit down.

She follows me and sits next to me, curling her leg under her. “I’m sorry I ran out like that last night,” she says, sorrow lining her beautiful features. “I —” She shakes her head, dropping her gaze to her lap. “I freaked out.” She lifts her face. “I’ve been having all these strong feelings for you and it’s felt so good and then, boom, hearing you say that Dom saved your life right before he got hit and died —” A sharp exhale releases from her. “It felt like a bomb imploded and exploded inside me at the same time. Everything just…crashed in around me.”

My insides twist into a thousand shard-covered knots, cutting deeper the tighter they twist. I bend my knee up onto the sofa and lean toward her. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” Looking into her solemn eyes, staunch reality rears its ugly head. “I also can’t change it or undo it. I wish I could somehow. All I want to do is hold you and make it all better. And I can’t. And I don’t know what to do.” I pause, my heart pounding violently.

Her body shrinks back as her eyes pull tightly inward and her lips draw down. Gravity tugs.

“He may not be alive, but he exists in the space between us.” Anguish engulfs that space. “He always has and now he always will.” My words haggard and weary. “I love you, Candi. But I can’t compete against a ghost.” I drop my gaze to Dom’s ring around her neck. Dense air locks in my lungs. “I’ll lose every time.” A boulder expands in my throat, closing off the oxygen.

Her gaze follows my eyes to the ring.

“I want to be with you, more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life, but how can I be with you and not wonder if I’ll ever be enough? Me.” I point to my chest, wincing at my own touch. “Every time I look in your eyes, I’ll see his shadow. And every time you look in mine, I’ll wonder if you see his ghost.” My throat steals my voice as it cracks out of me. “I won’t put you through that pain. And I don’t think I could survive it. I have to love you enough to let you go.” The words slash brutally at both of us as I force a swallow around the unyielding boulder.

She searches my face frantically like she’s trying to decipher what I’m saying.

I take her hand in mine. “Thank you, for changing my life. For making me want to be a better man. You helped me see that I have the capacity to love. Because of you, I have my mom back in my life. Because of you, I’ve been able to heal. Because of you, I’m the man I am today.” Hopelessness consumes the atmosphere. “Dom may have been your soul mate, but you’re mine.” Pain lances my heart as the words drop out of my mouth like bricks of granite.

I lean in, hold the back of her head gently, and press my lips to her forehead. It takes everything in me not to wrap my arms around her and never let go. “I love you.” My words a pained whisper against her soft skin, I close my eyes, drawing out our inevitable end, coveting every last, precious second.

Standing up, I walk to her door and let myself out, not looking back…knowing it would kill me.

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