Page 124 of Strictly Business : A Lesbian Romance

Christina shrugged as if to say that after twenty-five years the grief got

better. Maybe it did, but the sting of not having her mom there to share the

milestones in her life remained just as potent. “I’m sorry it happened too.

After she died everything was different. My dad sent us all off to school. He

was working all the time and he couldn’t look after us. Even still, it’s like

he’s— well— he’s always been pretty cold and distant. I’ve always felt like

nothing I could ever do would be good enough for him. I was so worried

about telling him I was a lesbian, but it was like he didn’t even care enough

about me to care one way or the other. He’s a little more invested in my

brother’s lives, because I’m sure he’s hoping that they’ll take over the

company one day. He paid for our college, but it was only if we went and

got some sort of business or econ degree or something in that field. He

wouldn’t have covered it if I wanted to go to art school.”

“Jesus,” Taylor muttered again.

“I guess what I’m trying to tell you is that what happened when I was

younger is maybe the reason I don’t date anyone. I’m worried about getting

involved with someone and then not being able to— to feel properly. Or

maybe it’s feelings that I’m scared of. I know that people don’t get sick and

disappear, but people often change their minds and that hurts. I think the

ten-year-old girl who lost her mom is still inside me somewhere, and she

makes me afraid to get attached. For lots of reasons.”

“Everyone has a past. You’ve been so honest with me.” Taylor’s whole

face was soft with sympathy.

“I’ve never told anyone that before.” She’d never told anyone about the

void she felt inside of herself either. The big, empty space that her mom’s

passing left behind.

“Thank you for telling me.” Taylor looked thankful. She was the only

person on the planet who Christina had ever met who seemed to mean what

she said. “I understand that you’re scared, but I also meant what I said

about going slow. I moved to Austin because I wanted to find someone, but

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