Page 179 of The Matchmaker's Choice: A Lesbian Romance

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about the notion of having feelings after so short a time, but to

me, I did, and it was and is painful.

“Hey,” Steph says. She goes for it, breaking the

silence.

Breaking that clichéd layer of ice. Except it’s not just a

saying. That ice feels real. I feel encased in it. Cold. Damp.

Sweaty. Impossible to breathe.

“Hey.” I respond in kind, not knowing what else to say.

“How are you?”

So normal. So polite. Like we’re strangers. I think I

was more comfortable when we first met. It was just about

work then. I was just fighting my own attraction that day, not

everything else. Desire is one thing. Feelings are completely

different. Sitting here, I feel all the feelings.

“I’m okay.” I have to swallow hard against the extra

saliva that floods my mouth. I’m not a very good liar. I never

have been.

Steph sees right through that. “Are you?”

“I guess so. What’s the alternative?” Why am I being

like this? This is exactly what I wanted to step away from.

This is what Mandy and John used to do. Not say what they

really felt until it was too late or they were each too angry.

“I think there are lots of other alternatives. It’s okay to

not be okay.”

“That sounds like an ad for mental health.” Stop being

a huge asshole. Stop snapping out horrible things.

Steph picks up her purse and sets it on the bench. She

crosses her legs and folds her hands neatly between them.

“Well, I guess I’ll go first, then. I haven’t been okay. I’ve been

really sad. I went for dinner with my parents. I talked to my

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