Page 69 of Loving Whiskey

She looks up at me shyly. “Does he like plus size girls?”

I have to school my face not to react.Plus size—is that even a thing anymore?

This woman is gorgeous. The fact that she’s insecure about her curves makes me ragey. And yes, I know it could be because of my hormones. Or my anger in general toward the male gender right now. But who the fuck made her feel like her size makes her any less desirable?

I reach out my hand to her own and meet her gaze. “I assure you, this man, the one I have in mind, would worship your body. But I also promise you I won’t bring anyone around that makes you feel anything but beautiful, because Sarah, you are gorgeous. Inside and out.”

My heart cracks a little. I remember feeling insecure in my own skin when I’d first met Cash. Feeling less than whole because Steven didn’t desire me anymore. I realize now that his affair had nothing to do with my appearance, but sadly, and I’m not proud to say it, the reason I was able to gain much of my confidence back was because a certain man made me feel so desired. He never once looked at my stretch marks or my squishy parts with anything less than adoration. He never grimaced when he looked at my body. He helped heal a small part of me that doubted myself. I want to find someone who can help Sarah do that.

“I just…I know I can be a lot. I’m career driven, I enjoy work almost as much as I enjoy a pizza late at night, I like going out dancing, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever really want to be the stay at home wife that so many men want.”

I roll my eyes. “There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home wife, if that’s what you want. But there is also nothing wrong with wanting to have a career. Don’t shrink yourself to fit into someone else’s box. Believe me, I did that in my first marriage, and it didn’t work. In a true partnership you find someone who complements your lifestyle, not changes it. And lucky for you, it’s my job to find you that special someone.”

Sarah beams. “Well, I trust your judgment. And dare I say it seems you found someone who did just that for you as well.” Her eyes dip to the flowers on my desk and I turn red. I don’t dare tell her that I’m pregnant but alone. Not that it’s shameful. But still, I would rather not get into that story.

“Something like that,” I say with a wink.

During the rest of the appointment, I work hard to focus on anything but the note sitting in the flowers. Could Cash really love me the way that I deserve? I need to talk to someone, I just don’t know who.

Marion will be understanding but I don’t know if I want that. She’ll give me those eyes that tell me that while she understands my dilemma, she knows what’s best. She believed Cash and I were meant to be together and, thus, we should be together. She’s the damn fairy godmother of Boston after all. She won’t ever say it, but I know it’s what she thinks.

And Tessa is too damn guilty. Anything I say to her about Cash will result in more self-loathing. I just need someone I can talk through it all with, who can understand but who doesn’t have this emotional tie to me.

Calling Hayden will only confuse me more. He’s good and kind and it’d be easy to fall into his arms. Like Cash, I could see him actually stepping up to the plate and fathering a child that wasn’t his, but that’s not fair to him. Turning to him right now would be selfish, and I will never be accused of that again.

The answer hits me over the head as soon as Sarah leaves, and I dial the number quickly, shocked that I’m calling the one person who worked so hard to tear us apart.

“Don’t go to dinner with him,” Cat says as she sits across from me at lunch.

Huh? I’m pretty sure only a week ago she was telling me how I needed to talk to Cash. How I had to be honest with him and now she doesn’t want us to share a meal?

“We’re going to be raising a child together, Cat. I think we need to discuss it.” I hit her with a stare, and she doesn’t blink. The rock on her finger is distracting, and I choose to focus on that rather than her calm exterior.

“He hurt you, Grace. Make him grovel a bit. Besides, I thought there was something between you and Hayden…you don’t need to go back to my brother just because you’re having his child.”

Color me gobsmacked. What in the hot hell is going on? I can’t even have a dirty martini to make this conversation more palpable. “Honestly, I thought we were good, Cat.”

Her face finally morphs into something less than cool and she frowns. “We are.”

Across the table she reaches and grabs my hand, her long fingers warming my cold hands. Ever since the doctor told me I’m pregnant, my limbs always feel cold. It’s like the baby is literally sucking all the energy and heat from my body.

“Then why are you trying to keep me from talking to your brother?”

Cat sighs. “I’m being serious when I say that I don’t like how he treated you. He’s been an asshole for the last few months. Ever since you guys broke up, he’s been not only mean, but cruel. Honestly, he needs to prove himself before you let him back into your life. He’s my brother andI’vebeen keeping my distance.”

I bite my lip. I’d certainly witnessed his cruelty. “I can’t believe I’m actually saying this after everything he did, but don’t you think you should cut him some slack? I mean his entire life was torn to shreds…”

She interrupts me before I can continue. “So was yours! And last I checked you didn’t lash out at everyone who tried to help. You handled your situation with dignity. And Grace, I’m not sure if I’ve said it before, but sincerely, I’ve been in awe of you. None of us made it easy on you. Me especially.”

I laugh as a tear falls down my cheek. Damn hormones. “I’ve been lucky enough to have a core group of people supporting me. I don’t think Cash has that,” I say honestly. “He’s always been the head of the family. He doesn’t allow himself to lean on others…”

I seriously cannot believe I’m defending him. For the past few months, he’s made my life hell, whether it was in lashing out or his silence, both were brutal. To love someone the way I loved him and have him rip me apart the way he did, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.

But I still empathize with him. I stillfeelfor him.

Cat shakes her head. “Wow…Jay was right about you.”

My brow quirks. “How so?”

She seems to be lost in thought. She takes a sip of her martini, apparently not having been taught that she shouldn’t drink in front of a pregnant woman, and then she puts her drink down. “You are the best person I’ve ever met. Or at the very least, the best person for Cash.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m sorry, I came so you would convince me to meet him, not the other way around.”

She laughs. “What can I say? I love my brother, but he hasn’t been Cash since you guys broke up. Maybe he doesn’t deserve you, but if he’s lucky enough to get another shot, maybe you’re the only one who can bring my brother back to me. Maybe he’ll actually return to the person I admired my whole life, my best friend, because that guy…” she sighs and closes her eyes. “That guy will be a wonderful father.”

That’s what I was afraid she was going to say. Because in the end, I’m not sure if I can take him back, but I also don’t think I can be selfish enough not to at least give my baby a chance to have that man be a part of his or her life. I want my child to have what I didn’t. A mother and a father who love each other. Is it possible for us to have that?

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