Page 70 of Loving Whiskey

Chapter 33

Grace

IntheendIcan’t get myself to respond to Cash. I’m not ready, and going into this before I have even opened up my heart to forgiving him doesn’t make sense. I don’t want to be angry, don’t want to be bitter, and I really want to do the right thing, but I just don’t know what that is yet.

Marion knocks on my door as I’m getting ready to leave, and we make our way out of the office. “Hey sweets, you want to grab dinner?”

“Another night? I’m honestly beat from this weekend. I just want to throw on pajamas, sink into the couch, and watch a movie.”

Marion smiles. “Of course, or you could read one of my books,” she sings with her brows raised.

I laugh. “I’m not in the right headspace for a romance right now, Mare, I just…” I look at the cars passing by trying to express how I feel. “I just need to laugh, I think. Remind myself of the good.”

She nods. “Want a ride home?”

“No, I know it’s cold out, but I’d prefer to walk.” It’s the second week of December. Decorations sprinkle the brownstones. Lights and wreaths garnish every entryway and the smell of winter, the fresh, cool almost wet smell that indicates it may snow at any moment, revitalizes my lungs.

“Night, Sweets,” Marion says, walking to her car. I wave and start my short two block walk home.

Before I even make it a few steps, a car slows beside me and the window lowers. “Why are you walking by yourself in the dark?”

I throw my head back in aggravation. “I just wanted one night,” I say to the stars. “One night!”

Cash mumbles something, and the car stops. As he gets out, Frank lowers the front window and smiles at me apologetically.

I roll my eyes. I get that he’s his boss and his friend but after Frank picked me up off the floor of Cash’s apartment, I thought we bonded. In light of that, this feels particularly traitorous. I keep walking, ignoring my newfound company.

“Grace, please, let us at least give you a ride.”

Continuing my trek, I ignore him. “If I wanted a ride, I would have had Marion drive me. I want the cold air in my lungs—no, I take that back,I need it.”

Cash catches up with my stride. “Fine. Then I’m walking you home.”

I huff. I really don’t want him near me right now. I haven’t come to my decision, I haven’t had a moment to even really consider what I want, and the last thing I need is for Cash’s wants and needs to confuse me or worse, for his bourbon-colored eyes to suck me in and his whiskey scent to overcome my willpower, pushing me into his warm embrace.

I know it will only take a few seconds of being near him for me to lose all my senses, and I want to be smart about this. When I decide what I want for our future, the baby’s and mine, I want to do it with eyes wide open and only with my mind in control.

Not my traitorous, hussy body parts that always act of their own volition when in Cash’s presence.

“How was your day?” he asks, clearly not getting the memo.

“It was fine.”

“Great. Mine was good too. I had meetings with your best friend Hanson and his brothers, who I guess you are also pretty close with.”

I shoot him a glare to stop him from talking.

He smirks. “What?"

I shake my head. Indulging this conversation is exactly what he wants. He’s trying to get a rise out of me. I never should have admitted that I didn’t love Hayden. At least before, he was more pensive…now he’s just being cocky.

I focus on my breath which is coming out in gusts in front of my face and on my hands which feel like they’re slowly getting harder to move as the cold settles against my skin. I can’t believe I forgot gloves. These are things that as a mother I’m going to need to be more cognizant of.

There is a laundry list of things I need to remember on a daily basis once I have this baby, and I can’t even remember a pair of gloves when it’s twenty degrees out.

Out of the corner of my eye, I study Cash. Of course, he has gloves. He’s prepared for everything, always has been. The man books a hotel room the night before he arrives on vacation, he has a driver following him as he walks, and a penthouse that can fit four of my townhouses in it. Not my actual floor, but the actual buildings.

I’m being selfish putting my wants over my baby’s needs. This baby deserves a father. Not just a father with all those things, but a father like Cash, because Cat is right—when given the opportunity, he will be the best.

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