Page 5 of It's Always Been You

CHAPTER5

I’ve watched too many women become disillusioned like my own mother. She waited for years for my father to finally settle down and stop seeing other women. Surprise, surprise: he never did. I will not be left waiting at home for a man who doesn’t realize my worth. -Alex

Alex

The door slamsbehind me as I march into the bathroom. How dare he? How dare he come on to me after all this time?

I thought Nash and I had an understanding. Whatever attraction was there must not be acted upon because if it was it would ruin a perfectly good friendship. My shoulders drop. I started this with that teasing comment earlier tonight. I shouldn’t have said anything. Why can’t I stop my reaction to him?

I glimpse myself in the mirror above the sink. My cheeks are red, and my eyes snap with anger and…pain. My eyes well up with tears and I close them tightly. I wish Nash was the kind of guy that I could count on. I wish things were different and I could trust someone like him.

There were too many years of watching my mom fall for every line my dad told her; too many times of being left behind while he pursued another woman. I sag against one of the sinks. Who am I kidding? Nash could never be satisfied with just me.

I jolt as the door opens wide and slams against the wall. Nash stalks towards me. His anger is palpable. His eyes narrow as he approaches me.

“Why did you run, Alex? Was it that disturbing to you that I wanted to kiss you?” His expression is tortured as he moves closer to me.

I try to control my tears, but they still spill over. I hurriedly wipe at my face, hoping he can’t see my pain, but of course he does.

He sighs and reaches for me. He touches my wet cheek and his shoulders fall. “I’m so sorry, Alex. I shouldn’t have tried anything. I won’t do that again. I thought maybe you felt differently about me. I thought...” He shrugs. “Anyway, I hope you can forgive me.”

He turns to leave but I place a hand on his arm. “Why did you try something? Why did you take a step that could ruin our friendship? Why now? I have to know.” I take a shuddering breath.

He twists to face me. He caresses my cheek with his hand. “Because I couldn’t not kiss you. Because I’ve wondered for the last decade what it would be like to taste your skin. Because I think of you all the time. Because I’m an idiot who dreams of the sound of your voice and gets insanely jealous every time you date yet another buffoon. Because I’m…” he trails off and bites his bottom lip.

I reach my hand up to touch his cheek. “Because you’re what?” I ask in an awed tone. I never pictured Nash as being a romantic guy. I never dreamed he would say these words to me.

He glances down at his feet and then straightens up. His gaze meets mine and I see a wealth of sincerity in his brown eyes. “Because I’m crazy about you. Because I always have been…since that first time I saw you in the student union center. You were wearing one of our silly shirts that the college gave us during orientation. You know, the one with the bull on it and the school motto?” I nod. “You were laughing with another girl, and it was like your laugh lit up the whole room. I knew I had to get to know you. I had to meet you. So, I used some silly line and you laughed which is what I wanted you to do, but you also wrote me off that day as just another guy trying to get into your pants.” His voice is full of regret.

I giggle. “You were eighteen. I thought the pickup line was really cute, actually.”

He grimaces. “I asked if you had a name, or if I could just call you mine? I think it was one of the pick-up lines I got off the internet. It was stupid, and I should have been more original.”

I can’t stop the snort of laughter that spills out. I clamp a hand to my mouth. “Go easy on yourself.” I gaze up into his dark eyes. “That line started a crush on you that lasted for years.”

He steps closer. “Years?” His eyes search mine. “So, you do have some feelings for me?”

I take a deep breath. “Of course, I do. How could I not? You’ve always been there for me. But I know you, Nash. You’ve never stayed with one woman for very long. How could I ever trust that you would be there for me; that you would stay?”

He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Hell, I’ve really messed this up.” He pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. “There have been other women. I can’t deny that. But they never stuck because they weren’t you. You were the one I always wanted. You are the most beautiful, stubborn, aggravating, sweet, sexy, intriguing woman I’ve ever known. How could I not want to keep you forever?”

“Stubborn and aggravating?” I grin up at him. “I noticed you slipped that in there among all the compliments.”

He grins back. “Of course, I did. You are stubborn and aggravating. You’re too proud to admit when you’re wrong, and you always have to win. Like when we spent the whole night playing that stupid board game and you couldn’t admit defeat.”

I chuckle. “Well, I didn’t lose. I don’t care what the game said..

He rolls his eyes. “Well, despite all that or hell, maybe because of it, I’ve been head over heels for you since I was eighteen. That’s never going to change. It hasn’t changed in the years since.” He takes a deep breath, and his brown eyes blow me away with the adoring expression I see in them. “I love you, Alexandra Marino. I loved you back then, and I love you now. And I highly suspect I’ll go to my grave still loving you.”

His voice takes on a serious tone. “The problem is, can you believe that? Can you trust that I’ll always love you? And do you feel the same way?”

---