Page 85 of Bringing Emma Home

“Except when you hooked up with Deidre,” she said, aware of how angry and judgmental she sounded, but she didn’t care. Seeing these people behaving in such a casual way, enjoying themselves—some of them probably cheating on their partners—made her want to throw up.

“Grace, talk to me,” Aidan said, taking her hand in his. “I’ve never been in a bar like this without you. I swear.”

“But you did have a casual relationship. How could you?”

Aidan put his hands in his lap, his face impassive, his tone quiet and controlled. “I’ve told you how it happened.”

“How do I know that what you’re saying is the truth? Look around. Whether innocent or not, these people are here for something besides a drink.”

“I swear to you. It only happened that one time, Grace,” he said, his gaze searching the room as he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I brought you here if it reminds you of what happened. I’m truly sorry,” he said, defeat in his voice. “I think we should leave.”

Numbly, she followed him out to the car, her heart breaking. But she couldn’t help lashing out. And even worse, she was still so angry at him, at what he’d done and how it had destroyed her happiness. When they reached the car she slid into the seat, despair filling her.

Aidan climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car. “Grace, we have to resolve this somehow.” He gripped the wheel and stared straight ahead. “You are my life. I want you to be with me and with Emma. I want you to be part of everything we do. But if you and I can’t get past your fears…pain…what then?” he asked, his voice haggard.

“I just can’t believe that someone as caring as you are would have casual sex, Aidan. It’s not like you. That’s the part I can’t accept.”

“You’re right—it’s not like me at all. That’s my whole point. It was a onetime thing.”

“You say that, but I find it so hard to accept that you could be so indifferent about something so intimate. It makes me feel inadequate, as if I wasn’t enough for you.”

She swallowed against the futility of it all. This shouldn’t be happening. She longed for the days when they were excited and hopeful about having a baby, rather than this. This awful, hurtful experience that had destroyed her self-confidence and her trust in her husband. “Regardless of how you felt about everything going on with us and your work, why did you do something so demeaning to me, to our marriage?”

Aidan sighed. “I don’t know, Grace. I was lonely and working long, hard hours with her, eating in her office. We were together and suddenly… I… Things were all mixed-up in my head. It was a long time ago,” he murmured, pain and hurt flowing through his words.

She stared across the small space separating them and felt as if she were looking at a stranger. She didn’t know this man nearly as well as she thought she did, and it broke her heart. “I don’t know, either.”

His gaze met hers, his face drained of any emotion. “I’m out of ideas, Grace. Please help me figure out what to do.”

Grace felt sick. The marriage she’d dreamed of was about to disappear. “I have no idea.” Sadness wrapped around her heart, crushing her spirit. “I really have no idea how we’re going to work this out.”

“You know what frightens me the most?”

“What?” The desperation in his eyes made her fear his answer would make things worse.

How she wished she’d never said what she had said. It only made more trouble for them to deal with, adding to their problems, and maybe for no reason if he was telling the truth. And if he wasn’t, there was nothing she could do to alter the past and the hurt they’d both experienced, widening the gulf between them.

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