Page 18 of Song of Tenebrae

Shit, that was embarrassing. Like a fucking teenager in a girl’s room for the first time coming all over myself.

Tempest

I’m not afraid of the dark.

At least I wasn’t until Dominica. I used to thrive in the pitch black, the privacy the darkness holds, and the consolation it provides from prying eyes. When I was a kid, I loved to hide in my tiny bedroom in the back of the trailer and keep the lights out. I was forgotten and that’s just what I preferred. I never understood until last year just what being in the dark could do to a person’s psyche. When you feel hunted and no matter where you are, there’s a set of eyes on you. The coldness that penetrates your pores and settles against all your vital organs, slowing them down. Those tendrils of ice-cold fear that begins searching for a vulnerable point and dives in to wrap around you.

It takes some convincing but I force myself to remember I’m not in Dominica and my body is not at the mercy of the devil. I’m not being hurt and the dark does not mean danger. Rewiring my brain to forget the circumstances around my trauma is hard, especially because I have yet to deal with the actual trauma itself, and I have almost every trigger in the book. When I finally have myself under control, I get up from the table, and head for my room. The sun will be coming up soon and the lingering night will take the cold with it.

I step inside and shiver, with the exterior lights out as well, the room is pitch black. I head to my window and throw open the curtains anyway and let what little light the moon provides shine in. At least it’s something. Everything is still outside beyond my window, no movement, and even the wind is still. It’s eerie and my mind takes that moment to flash mountains and lush greenery into my vision. I blink it away quickly and take a deep breath. I’m not in Dominica.

This new weakness of mine - this fear - drives a wedge into my plans of revenge and I clench my fists in frustration. I was doing good and I had built up the courage, until shit became weird. Now, with someone having gained entrance into my living space and these suppressed memories working themselves up to the surface, I’m back to feeling fear more than anger. I used my anger before as an ignitor to the vengeful thoughts I had and now fear is more powerful it seems.

I drop my robe and grab my pjs off the bed, feeling every inch of material for bodily fluids. I should shower but I can’t bring myself to do it in the dark. Fear. I clench my teeth and pull back my bed covers, slipping between the satin sheets. I cover myself to my neck and close my eyes, breathing deeply. I will my mind to shut down and my muscles to relax. I can hear rustling nearby and I know it’s the fear, its tendrils trying to find the vulnerable spot.

Instead, I shut it all out and think about my new family, Sky and Tiny. How I’ve become so successful here and all the great things I now have. But like most times, his face appears just as I’m slipping into that dark oblivion, and those hazel eyes shine with lust. My heart pounds, reminding me that he still occupies it, and when his fingers brush along my hair, I welcome it. This is the only place I will allow him any privileges and I’ll only be soft for him in my dreams. Those fingers trail down the side of my face and over my lips, the fingers a little more calloused than I remember.

There’s a golden light that shines over his rich sepia skin, the ridges of all his muscles, and highlights the curve of his smile. Smile? Raiden never smiled. I reach out to touch him but he backs away, shaking his head. He continues backward and he begins to change, his form becoming wider. His clothing appears on his body, all black as usual, a large hood obscuring his face. But that sinister smile remains and the long beard on his chin, curling grey at the tips. He lifts his blade and presses it to his lips, his tongue snaking out to lick its edge.

It’s mesmerizing and terrifying at the same time. That tongue holds me but that smile scares me, I can’t lean one way or the other, and this is the epitome of how I feel about Raiden. It’s a fine line I walk between mesmerized and terrified, lust and disgust. With each gust of wind, I’m struggling to stay on the line, and not fall into the depths of either side.

The knife clicks shut and he smiles into the dark, those perfectly straight teeth mocking me, “I will be back Tempest,” his voice sounds different, no longer having the same effect on me, “next time I’m taking you with me.”

It’s not his voice, that’s not Raiden, and I struggle to wake myself up. He slips from the room and I feel tears run from the corners of my eyes, I need to wake up. I open my mouth and let out a gut-wrenching scream, the sound bouncing off the walls in my room.

“Tempest!” Sky shakes me awake and my eyes pop open. “You’re dreaming.” She says as she smooths down my sweat soaked hair.

I can see her features clearly and I turn toward my window, seeing the beginning of the sunrise.

“Sorry,” I croak, “that felt so real.”

“It’s okay.” She continues to soothe me, “I get them too, still. Do you want to talk about it?”

I shake my head as my eyelids once again grow heavy.

Chapter Seven

Raiden

I come home to disarray and confusion.

The house is in an uproar and the first voice I hear is Torrent as he tears into Squall. “What the fuck is going on?” I yell and they both turn to look at me.

“Kenny got out.” Squall looks guilty as he drops his head.

“Got out?” my mouth dries, “how?”

“Squall allowed him to take a shower without anyone else around. The fucker squirts shampoo into his eyes and clocked him hard on the temple then makes a run for it.”

“I’m sorry Raiden,” Squall scrubs his hand down his face. “Everyone was busy and I just wanted him ready for the video.”

“Fuck.” I growl and look at Torrent.

“Where the fuck were you?”

“He was in his room but I heard the music and I know he hates to be bothered when that’s on.” Squall mutters.

“You should’ve still come to get me.” Torrent folds his hands on top of his head, “we’re fucked.”

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