Page 54 of Ivy's Venom

“Were you with Ivy last night?” Amelia leans across the table to whisper to me.

“No.” I roll my eyes.

“Are you two together now?”

“Amelia, stop.” I implore.

I get up from the table and head to my room but instead stop at Charlotte’s. I open the door, walk in, and softly close it behind me. In this room, I feel closer to my sister and it doesn’t help the pain settling itself once more in my chest.

I can’t take back my decisions and even if I could, I don’t think I would. I need to admit to myself that I want Ivy Greene and what better place to do that than in the room of the girl I promised to avenge. I miss Charlotte and I love her but holding onto anger for so long is damaging.

It changes a person, sends them down a darkened path, and it’s hard to navigate your way back out. Right now, my heart feels loyal to Charlotte, but there’s also something growing for Ivy and I can’t deny it much longer.

I sit on Charlotte’s bed and look around her clean room. I try to bring back my memories of her and try to pick out points that coincide with what Amelia was saying. Dad thought she was on drugs, Amelia called her a mean girl, and I just can’t picture any of it. Charlotte was sweet with me, always ready for an adventure, and always wanting to be by Ivy’s side.

“Charlotte, you have to forgive me.” I whisper into her room. “I need to know you forgive me.”

I hear the door open and Amelia steps in. “I thought I heard someone in here.”

“I feel lost.” I shake my head.

“I think we all did at one point.” She whispers. “But Charlotte is gone, Neil. She’s not here to dictate your life and I would like to believe she’d want you happy.”

I want to believe that, too. I want to somehow feel that she’s accepting everything and somehow that I have her approval. It’s hard to move on without it. The guilt is tearing me up inside and it will come between Ivy and I eventually. Charlotte will come between us if we don’t figure shit out.

“You can’t live your life for your dead sister.” Amelia says and even though the words are harsh, I understand their meaning.

She’s right of course, I need to start living for me, and I need to start letting go of my grief for my sister. Before I can do that, I need to speak to the other people that knew her, I clearly have an incorrect image, and I need to reconcile that. It’s not to paint her in a bad light, it’s to put her in her own light, and see her for who she really was. I’ll love her regardless.

“You need to talk to Ivy about Charlotte,” Amelia says, like she’s reading my mind. “She knew her best I would think.”

That’s a hard dig but again not something I can deny. Charlotte grew from a child to a teenager with Ivy and I would also assume she knew her best.

“How about you tell me more about how she was with you?” I look at Amelia and her face pinches.

“There’s a lot of bad there.” She whispers. “Are you sure you want to hear that?”

“I need to hear it.” I correct her.

I need to know all about my sister, the good and the bad.

I’ve been sent on a mission because Flower wants authentic maple syrup for her pancakes. She’ll get it because she’s a fucking angel and I would do pretty much anything she asks of me. Mother and Dad are making the pancakes and both stressed I have literally ten minutes to get back.

I feel like I’m on one of those reality TV shows, racing all over Whitsborough, and the grand prize is a stack of pancakes. I pull into the grocery store parking lot and park across three lanes. Whatever, it’s a fucking emergency.

I rush inside and nearly plow down Adam Van Dyke, knocking one of his bags out of his hands, and watching as a cucumber rolls to my feet.

I pick it up and hand it back to him, his eyes narrowing on me, and his mouth flattening into a line.

“I would suggest starting with that sucker in the bedroom next time.” I pat him on the shoulder as I pass. “The woman will be less disappointed.”

I hear his growl of frustration but I don’t have the time to criticize Adam’s anatomy-or lack thereof-because my time is running short, like the very anatomy I’m talking about.

I rush through the aisles and grab up the syrup she asked for and get back to my car in five minutes. That leaves me two to get home and with my driving, that’s more than doable. I pass by Adam’s patrol car and give him a wave before speeding off. He wouldn’t dare run me a ticket with the knowledge I possess about his micro weenie.

I’m home in three minutes and I blame the fucking old lady crossing at the crosswalk in her fucking old person walker. I run in the door and Dad begins to tsk.

“Two minutes late, Ivy.”

---