Page 114 of Jagged Line Paradise

His father chuckles and shakes his head. “Well, tell me how you really feel, son.”

“I came to talk. You’re here to listen.”

“I wanna hear from her first.” He nods toward me. “I want your girl to tell me what she thinks of me.”

Andrés opens his mouth to speak, to defend me, probably to tell him I have no interest in speaking to him. But somehow, I feel empowered here. He’s not as scary in person as he is in my recurrent nightmares. He was a big, bad, frightening monster back then when he took me, and he remained that way in my dreams. But the man in front of me isn’t the same. He’s not the same at all. He’s shackled, imprisoned, controlled, and he can’t hurt me.

He can’thurt me anymore.

I speak before Andrés can stop me. “I used to have nightmares about you, about what you did to me. But looking at you now…I don’t think much of you at all.”

His wrinkled face drops from humored-goading to fury. “I’ll give you something to remember me by if you’re starting to forget how I conquered you, you little slut.”

I quickly reach out my hand and tap Andrés’ shoulder, hoping to calm him before he snaps. We look at each other and I hope he sees the calm on my face, because Ifeelit. I actually feel okay.

“You don’t scare me anymore, Mr. Hernandez.”

He slams his fists on the table. “I’m the goddamn Canyon Carver. I’ll fucking haunt you, bitch!”

I flinch a little internally, but I don’t think anyone notices. The flinch is from the surprisingly loud sound of his fists against the table, not from his words or his fury. I’m not afraid of him. I’m not afraid and I’m…fine. “Okay,” I tell him, and leave it at that.

I look at Andrés and give him a nod, encouraging him to speak, because honestly, I have nothing more to say. Nothing will get through to this murderous man. Nothing will change him. Nothing will change the past. But he’ll be chained up in this prison for the rest of his sorry life and seeing it with my own eyes brings me some weird sense of peace that I hadn’t expected to find here.

He can’t hurt me ever again and hell, that finally makes me feel free. He’s locked up and I’m free.

Andrés stares back at me and I think that he must see it in my eyes because the feeling of calm is so strong. I think it settles him, too, because I see the tension in his shoulders release just a bit, just enough for him to re-center himself.

He looks across the table at his father. He breathes in deep, and then starts to speak slowly and deliberately. “Every single night of my life for the past ten years, I have played through a conversation with you in my head before falling asleep. I had such a clear idea of what I would say to you when I finally saw you again, but somehow, I’ve forgotten every single word. It’s different now that I’m seeing you face to face…now that I’m seeing in person just how weak and pathetic you are.

“I wanted to tell you how you ruined me. I wanted to tell you that you’re the reason I never stood a chance at being normal, happy, loved. I wanted to tell you that you were the reason why I had to leave her, to keep her safe from me, to try to be a better man than you. I was going to tell you how I’ve been running from the legacy you left me for a decade, but now, I see the truth. I was just running from myself. I was running from the parts of me that I feared. I thought the demon in you was a part of me. I thought it had to be, because how could such a vile creature produce anything other than evil?

“So, I came back. I came back here to interview the families of the girls you took from this world, to give them back the voice you stole from them, to help them find some peace in telling their stories. I came back here to face you and get some goddamn closure for myself. But you know what? Now that I see you, I know closure with you was never what I needed.”

His father’s voice is filled with venom. “And what the fuck was it that you needed, son?”

Andrés looks at me. “I needed her.”

My breath catches in my lungs.

He gives me a brief grin before returning his gaze to his father. “It was you who cultivated the worst parts of my personality, that’s true. But I never needed closure with you to fix them. I came back and I saw her, and she showed me what I needed. She makes me better.” He leans forward, forearms on the table and hands clasped in front of him. “And isn’t that just ironic? You bred me to be a piece of shit just like you, and that’s what I should’ve turned out to be, by all accounts. But the woman you tried to take from my life fought you and she fucking won. She won, and she saved me. I always thought I must have some defective, dormant gene within me, just waiting to activate and turn me into a demon like you. But that’s not how it works.”

“Oh, well enlighten me. How the fuck does it work?”

“I control my actions and so do you. You can pretend for the rest of your life that you just had some sick, uncontrollable urge that made you do what you did. That it was something bred within you that you just couldn’t help. But I’m your fucking mirror, Dad. I’m your fucking proof that’s all bullshit. Because I’m not like you, not even a little bit. I choose to be better than you, and so I am.” Andrés turns his head and looks at me again. “She’s proof that I’m meant to be so much better than you.” He looks at his father. “Did you know she’s my soul mate?”

Holy wow.

“I know she is because I’m only complete when I’m with her. I’m the best version of myself when I’m with her. Maybe if you’d appreciated Mom and let her love you the way she wanted to, you’d have chosen a better path for yourself. But her death was your fault, too. If I were married to someone like you, I’d probably chase a high with any drug I could get my hands on just to forget who the fuck you are.”

“You’re my flesh and blood,” Mr. Hernandez seethes at his son’s words with barely controlled rage, “you’re just like me. One day, you’ll see, son…you’ll see.”

“I’ll see what? I’ll see that you were an abusive piece of shit father who tried to destroy as many lives as he could? That you’re a pathetic excuse for a man who failed everything he ever tried to do? You lost. You lost because Avalon was always meant to win. The best in her life is yet to come because I finally see the truth. You’re not worth another minute of my attention. I’m gonna walk out of this prison and I’m gonna forget about you. I’m gonna forget about you and start a happy life with the girl who ended your terror. She defeated you, and I’m gonna spend the rest of my life worshipping her for it. I’m gonna love her enough to make up for the love I never got from you.” My eyes glass over as he stands abruptly. “Anything else you need to say to him, sunshine?”

I look up at Andrés and his eyes are…well, they look brighter. He looks settled. I look at his father to see him fuming and I feel nothing. I don’t feel angry or sad or even fearful. He’s just a prisoner, no longer a ghost who can haunt me, just a figment of my past that I finally feel ready to face and overcome.

I just have one final thing to say to him. “It doesn’t matter that you stole our past from us. We have the future. And without you in it, we can finally be happy together. I was lost for a little while, but I’m ready to forget you now. It’s time for me,” I meet Andrés’ eyes, “forusto find happy.”

Andrés smiles at me and holds out his palm. I place my hand in his and together, we leave our tragic past behind to rot.

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