Page 56 of Jagged Line Paradise

He takes an abrupt step back, releasing me all at once, and I slump back against the car, nearly buckling at the knees from his sudden absence. He covers his mouth with one hand, the hand that was hooked inside my shorts, and he inhales deeply, as if his fingers could somehow hold my scent.

I remember the way his fingers made me come. I haven’t come like that since, not for a decade, though I’ve been chasing that high in the riskiest kind of way ever since.

“Get in the car,” he snaps at me. “I’ll drive you home.”

I can’t move.

“Get in the fucking car, Lonnie. If you don’t move, I swear I’m gonna turn you around and fuck you against the car and I don’t care who sees.”

“Oh,” I say as whatever air was left inside me rushes out. I hesitate. I actually hesitate to move, and I think that maybe there’s a part of me that wants him to take me.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why he has such influence over me, how he turns my rage into lust so powerful that I forget where I am.

I’min the driveway of Joanna Miller’s parents’ home.

Oh, my God.

This is so disrespectful.

I push off from the car and turn, reaching for the passenger handle and pull it open. I get in and buckle my seatbelt and wait. I close my eyes and breathe deeply as Andrés goes back inside the house. He comes back out a few moments later and climbs into the driver’s seat. In silence, he starts the SUV and backs out of the driveway.

I don’t dare speak to him. I’ll either say something hurtful or something that will edge his lust, just to be spiteful of the fact that he told me we can never be alone together.

My cell phone pings from my back pocket and I pull it out to see a new text message. It’s from Robbie Mack.

MACK:I know I told you two tonight. But I have a third if you’re up for it. Standard rate, plus a bonus for late notice.

I sigh a breath of relief. I need the extra cash, but I’m also pent-up beyond belief thanks to Andrés. Days like these remind me why I do this job for Mack. The money is good, but I also do it for the thrill, for that temporary high that keeps me from losing myself to the darkness inside my mind. I can’t think of anyone who would be okay with it if they knew, though not that many people care about me or what I do.

I’m on my own, so I do what I have to do…what I want to do. And I want to do three tonight because the more time I can spendnotthinking about Andrés and the eight thousand emotions he’s made me feel over the past two and a half days, the better.

AVALON:I’m good for three.

MACK:Atta girl. See you at eight.

Chapter 16

Andrés

I NEED SILVERfucking chains to tame this werewolf beast inside me. Avalon is the goddamn full moon, edging me to the brink of transformation from man to monster every time I see her.

The drive back to her place after the incident at the Millers’ had been tense to put it mildly. It took every atom of strength I possessed to keep my hands to myself. I had an inexplicable urge to reach over the console and shove my hand down those fucking shorts and show her just how she makes me feel. I equally wanted to grab the back of her head and shove her face down onto my lap, forcing her pretty pink lips around my cock.

But of course, I didn’t do either of those things. Instead, I gripped the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white and reminded myself for the millionth time since I arrived back in this shit town that I’mnotmy father.

ExceptI am with her, aren’t I?

I have the same twisted desires and dark lust whenever I’m in her presence.

Obviously, I have no desire to injure or murder her, but I have to remind myself of that frequently—I fear what I would want if I ever let go of control when I’m with her. I know my father’s evil must live inside me. I think it’s deep within that beast in the cage that I don’t dare let out.

But I swear to God, coming back makes me think that Lonnie has the key to that cage and that’s fucking dangerous. She’s proving to be as unpredictable as the weather as far as her reactions go. I don’t remember her being quite so emotionally up and down, but I guess I didn’t stick around long enough to find out how much her trauma had fucked her up.

Shit.

I dropped her off and went straight back to the Millers’, apologized profusely for the fact that I’d been stupid enough to film Avalon without her permission and upset her. I got quite the stern talking to from Mrs. Miller, and then subsequently, by Brittany for nearly fucking this whole thing up. Yet I managed to charm my way back into everyone’s good graces and made sure everything else went off without a hitch. I’ve never been so side-tracked, so off my game.

I’mlosing myself here.

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