Page 110 of Jagged Line Paradise

Andrés

“DO YOU KNOWwhat you’re going to say to him?” Avalon asks before taking a rather large bite of steak.

Poor thing is drained and starving after the afternoon we spent together. If the pain of reliving her trauma on camera hadn’t been enough, fucking her like a beast inside a hot car directly beneath the Arizona desert sun was enough to do her in.

Well, that and the two other times I made her come in my hotel room before dinnertime—once in the shower, then again on the bed. I had to bring her back from the edge I pushed her over, so I made love to her. It was gentle, loving, appreciative, and probably the best sex I’ve ever had—better than fucking her like an animal.

Who would’ve thought?

“I don’t know, honestly.”

“What do you think he’ll be like now?” she asks, her eyes darting away to look off into the distance.

She’s been pushed to the limits over the past several weeks, and I honestly don’t know how she’s still standing. She’s so unbelievably fucking strong. It felt like a privilege to see her break down in the car, to be the person she felt she could let go with and feel what she was feeling, to witness her emotional release.

It scared me when she started crying while we had sex in the backseat, but she was eager to make sure I knew she felt relief for being able to just exist in whatever she was feeling without judgment, without pressure to hide it.

I feel more connected to her now than I ever could’ve hoped for and I’m happy. I’m really, honestly happy for the first time in my life and there’s so much for us to look forward to.

But there’s just this one dark cloud left hanging over my head that I have to face—my father.

I study her expression carefully as she looks off at nothing. “I think he’ll be exactly the same as he always was.”

She shudders as she tugs her mind back from the past and works to cut another bite off her steak. “I hope not.”

“You really don’t have to come with me. I can do this alone.”

“Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” She holds my gaze with softness. “I want to be there for you.”

“Being there for me means facing the man who tortured you. I don’t want you exposing yourself to that kind of stress.”

“But that stress is present for meall the time. I don’t know that seeing him face-to-face will be any worse than seeing him in my nightmares.” Her head droops and she sets her fork and knife down, pushing back in her seat. “He’s a monster in my mind. And I don’t fully understand what you’re expecting to get out of this. But you’ve always been smarter than me, and I have to think that you know what you’re doing. If you think this is going to help give you the closure you need, then maybe…” she crosses her arms over her chest, “then maybe there’s closure I can find there, too. I want to move forward with you, and I don’t think either of us can do that until we’ve both faced this nightmare from our past.”

“For the record, I’m not smarter than you. Your emotional intelligence alone is far superior to mine.”

Her cheeks flush pink at the compliment.

“And I agree with you. We have to face this to move forward together, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up that it’s just that easy, that we get closure with him and suddenly everything’s okay. I’ve worked with a lot of survivors and I know it’s a long road.”

She nods but avoids my eyes. “I know that. I know. I know I can’t just press a button and reset my life. I don’t have any unrealistic expectations that facing him together is going to magically fix the hurt and pain he caused me…the hurt and pain he caused you. But it’s a first step, isn’t it? I know I can’t face my pain on my own. I need you. I need you to face it with me. You’ll be the first person I tell the whole story to someday, when I’m really ready to share it. Maybe I’m just being delusional to think it, but if I need you, then I think you need me, too.”

She lifts her head and her olive-green eyes hit me hard, a lightning bolt striking me in the chest and making my heart hammer just at the sight of how beautiful her soul is. “You’re right,” I concede with ease because it’s true. I fucking need her, for everything, forever, for always. “I do need you.”

She smiles, those wide lips lighting up her face and brightening her eyes. She sighs, relief spreading across her cheeks, though there’s still tension straining her neck and shoulders. “So,” she starts, and I wait quietly through several beats for her to keep talking. “Where do we go from here?”

“What do you mean?”

“Us. You and me. How do we make this work?”

Us.

I smile at her. “I have plans.”

“You do?”

“I do.”

“Would you care to share them?”

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