Page 91 of Dance with Death

I don’t know if he’s coming back to get me.

I don’t know if he’s just going to leave me here in the bathroom all night.

I don’t know if I’m going to vomit again.

I just feeloff.

All I know is that I’m a sad, sick, pathetically broken little doll, and I’m running out of time for Ezra to save me.

Chapter 22

Nikolai

I emphatically despisethe quarterly meetings hosted by the Vittoris. Since it’s hosted at their home in Italy, the entirety of their extended family—at least those associated with the work of the four families—are in attendance. It’s a noisy, boisterous affair that only serves to remind me that my own family is gone.

The one singular thing I have to look forward to at this particular event is seeing the woman I’ve so precisely groomed to hate me over the years.

I had planned to bring Sasha as my escort for the evening, but that hadn’t worked out. Suffice it to say, I’d lost control of myself, and in a moment of fury over Ezra’s pathetic depression, my rage took hold. In my fury, I’d killed her.

I didn’t feel badly about it. She wasn’t the first person in my life that I’d murdered.

But I’d felt…something.

Not that I felt anything about murdering Sasha—the groveling little whore had it coming. ThesomethingI’d felt was for the reminder of what I’d given up, the understanding that I’d sold a girl I’d never genuinely wanted to die, and tried to replace her with someone like Sasha.

Anya made me hate her viciously sometimes, but she never bored me. I’d always enjoyed watching her internally struggle through the torment I handed her, especially watching her with her partners and the power struggle she endured. But Sasha never really seemed to have anything going on in her stupid little head.

The something I’d felt when I strangled the life out of Sasha was regret because I’d sent Anya away. I understood that my anger had reached its peak because I missed the bitch who betrayed me.

I missed Anya.

In that feeling came the furious realization that the regret I felt could not be rectified. The woman I regretted discarding couldnotbe replaced, and so, the replacement had to go.

That is why I killed Sasha.

Because of Anya.

I brought Ezra with me to this reception for two reasons. The first was that he’d asked…begged, really. His ridiculous sniveling over her appealed to my regret because on some level, somewhere inside my heartless soul, I understood what he missed. He and I weren’t so dissimilar after all. We were both reckless, impatient, impulsive—he even had a little violence in him, though he seemed to be able to tamper his. I recognized the innate goodness in him, the light inside of him—a light I’d once thought I might have possessed had I been born outside the world of the four families.

But I couldn’t change my fate and the darkness was a part of me. Still, I had a disgusting fondness for Ezra, a soft spot I hadn’t had with Anya’s other partners, and I knew it was there because I saw so much of myself in him.

The second reason I brought Ezra with me is that I enjoy his companionship. He hates me and I love the spirited rivalry it elicits between us. I want more from him. I desire him. Iwilltake from him.

Someday.

When the timing is right.

When my father’s voice gets the fuck out of my head and lets me be who I am.

“Where the fuck is she?” Ezra says to me in a hushed tone.

He’s surly about the fact that we’ve already witnessed the Vittori talent—the pianist who seems much brighter than I remembered her being in the past—and have been at the reception for an hour and still haven’t seen Anya. I’m also on edge about the fact that she hasn’t made an appearance, but I don’t let on. This is a business event first and foremost, and I cannot allow that to be overshadowed by a personal interest.

“I don’t know,” I bite back at him as Delia and Murphy approach. “Bequiet.”

I greet my colleagues from the O’Shea family in kind, though I find Ezra’s continued agitation only seems to fuel my own. Murphy is telling me about the bride he’s chosen for himself that we’ll be voting for approval at the meeting later, but my attention is drawn away toward the top of the wide, curving staircase.

Vigo has appeared, dragging along a wisp of a girl at the top of the staircase. I start to turn my attention back to Murphy and Delia, but then I realize that it’s no wisp of a girl ambling along behind him.

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