Page 14 of Spark of Madness

I feel too much.

I feel her pain as if it were my own, and I feel my face grimace with her agony.

“Oh, Cambria…” Ellary’s voice is laced with empathy and pride as she brushes her knuckles comfortingly along Cambria’s cheek. “Malo mori quam foedari. You served so bravely last night.”

My eyes snap to Ellary, my jaw tensing against her words.

Malo mori quam foedari—an ending to our prayers so often spoken in Ember Glen. It’s said to mean that we should seek death before dishonoring our roles of service. Everyone in Ember Glen says it, but the prayer is really only meant as a reminder to servants.

I know Ellary means well. She only says what she’s meant to say; she only thinks what she’s meant to think. She’s a victim of our indoctrination as much as anyone else. And just like everyone else, she’s entirely unaware of it. She means to honor Cambria and her strength—of which, they both have mountains worth—but my sins have overcome me in such a way that my mind sees it all differently now.

They still serve with pride in the name of our god.

Why can’t I believe the waythey do?

A glance down at Cambria shows the small smile that touches the corners of her lips while tears glass over her dark eyes. I see the gratitude she has for her agony.

Regardless of what I believe and what I don’t, this is our reality. This pain is real, and I wish I could bear it for her so she didn’t have to. But this pain can’t be held by any one of us alone—it must be held by all of us.

It’s our burden.

Our duty.

Our curse.

With great care and taking our time, we help Cambria from the ground, working together to carry her through the trees and back to the village of Ember Glen, seeking out our Sanctuary from the madness.

We come out through the trees like warriors returning from the battlefield—injured and tormented from the horrors of war.

Only this isn’t a war.

It’s our life.

chapter six

Arlo

THE CONTROL STANDwatch over the foggy morning as those who serve begin to emerge from the forest. The seven of us stand side by side, forming a line across the large open space of the village square. It’s a matter of showing honor for our women who have served the Impulse as they cross to return to Sanctuary—a space where they can rest, heal their injuries, and reflect in reverence of the good work they’ve done.

I bend to brush away dirt that hides the shine of my black derby shoe beneath the tapered leg of my fine-cut black slacks. I huff as the dirt only attaches itself to my black leather gloves and rise while I brush my palms together. I adjust my waistcoat over my gray button-up before shoving my hands into my pockets.

“Be still, brother.” Theo’s head is turned toward the trees, away from me, and he watches carefully. “You’ve been fidgeting all morning.”

I blow out a heavy breath. “I’m unsettled.”

Theo briefly glances at me with furrowed brows before turning his attention back to the forest. “Perhaps if you’d purged as you were meant to, you wouldn’t feel that way.”

“I had my release.”

I hadn’t.

I was desperate to come when I’d left Mercy.

I’d meant to grab another woman to serve me, but the mere idea of it felt…unsatisfactory. I should’ve fucked Mercy. I’d even gone back into the forest to find her once I realized she hadn’t returned to the campsite to serve her duty. And I had found her, at that very same tree where she came on my fingers.

The clouds were clearing from the sky and the full moon shone brightly above her, as if it were placed there just to bathe her in moonlight for my eyes’ pleasure. Her bright blonde hair glowed like starlight shining down from above.

Yet, when I saw her there, pacing, fighting an internal battle I couldn’t see with my eyes, I’d been too fascinated with watching her to approach. Fascination had quickly turned to obsession, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. Not as she paced, not as she sat, not as she reached between her legs and rested her fingers there with confusion in her expression—she was confused about me and what I’d done to her.

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