Page 78 of Beautiful, Violent

“My son. Some of his ashes are in here. I had it custom made.” He pinches it between his fingers, holds it up slightly. “This bullet is from the box of ammo I bought to take King out.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “Oh. I admire that.”

I admire that.

I ADMIRE THAT?

What the fuck is wrong with me??

“Well, I better get going.”

Shit on a stick. Me and my dumb mouth.

I slide off his lap, feeling like the biggest most insensitive asshole that ever existed.

But at least he takes the time to say goodbye to Ritz. I feel sick inside, wondering if Ritz will see him again. I walk him to the door and he turns around before leaving.

“Good luck in the morning with your dad. I hope you get good news.”

“Yeah, me too. Thanks for the dinner. It was awesome.”

“Any time.”

I hope for a cliché one-liner, something like “I’ll call you tomorrow”, or “let’s plan something for the weekend.” Anything to indicate he’s not totally freaked out by my past and all the complications of my current present.

Or me basically touching the ashes of his dead son.

But he leaves me empty handed, walking away with a long stretch of silence between us.

I shut the door, twist the lock, and let out a sigh of disappointment. Rigger’s words from several days ago come floating back to me when he said I deserved someone who will love and protect me at all costs, who won’t walk away when things get hard.

And this is why I prefer being numb to feeling anything at all.

Chapter 16

The next morning I get to the Nilssen Building a little early so I can catch up with a few of the sales team members. I’m a nervous wreck. More nervous than I should be. Not that I’m always a rock but I’ve never had anything this big or important to address with Daddy.

Not only that, I can’t stop thinking about Ben and how abruptly he left my condo after our kiss. If he’s the player I thought he was, he would have jumped at the chance to sleep with me. Unless he’s not a player or not that into me. I should be grateful that things turned out the way they did. Save myself some future heartache. I’ve had enough of that to last me the rest of my life.

When I get to my dad’s office he seems deep in concentration and I regard him for a moment before he sees me, remembering how loving he was when Mom died, how he stayed up with me for nights on end when the nightmares wouldn’t stop. It seems so long ago. And yet at times … it feels like it all unfolded yesterday.

“Hey, Daddy.” I move into his office and he greets me with a smile, standing from his desk and coming around to kiss me on the cheek.

“Hello, my darling.”

“I was hoping you’d be finished with your meeting by the time I got here.”

“It was very short this time. Sit, sit.”

He gestures at the chair and I toss my purse in the one next to it, still not sure how I’m going to broach the subject. After a few awkward seconds pass he clasps his hands on his desk and smiles at me, and I almost get the feeling that he knows.

“What’s on your mind, sweetheart?”

I pull in a breath, exhale, pick at my cuticles. “I got some interesting news last week.”

He quietly holds my stare, seemingly unfazed.

“I don’t know if there’s an easy way to say this. But I discovered I’m not an only child.”

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