Page 104 of Beautiful, Violent

“If you don’t have to defend yourself then why are you being so defensive right now?”

His head drops. “Because you’re making me feel like I need to be on the defense.”

I blow out a frustrated laugh. “Well, he is my dad. I love him. And I’m starting to feel something for you and I really hope it goes somewhere. But you’re telling me that you don’t like the man who raised me, who’s pretty much my hero.”

When he looks at me, his eyes are filled with all this unspoken honesty. He doesn’t look angry. Or defensive. He just looks real.

“Sometimes villains come disguised as heroes, Tove.”

My blood runs ice cold. I pull away from him, leaning towards the door. “Are you … are you calling my dad a villain?”

He shakes his head. “No. That was a bad analogy. I’m only trying to say that you wear rose-colored glasses. As all girls do when it comes to their dads. And their friends. Like your guy Rigger, there. I know I don’t like him. Not after what you told me he did.”

“You mean the kiss?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “The kiss. He shouldn’t have crossed that boundary with you. Not without making sure you were cool with it. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you all this. You know, I really like you too. And, much to my fucking surprise, I’m hoping this will go somewhere. I’m sure that in time I’ll grow to like your dad and all your friends. I just …” he reaches over, strokes my face, and all these electrical impulses shoot through me. “I feel really protective of you all of a sudden. I don’t want anyone to hurt you. And I could tell that Rigger did hurt you. After what happened to my son I’ve learned to pay attention to this shit.”

That’s all he needs to say to melt all my reserves. I crawl across the seat and straddle his lap. It’s a tight fit but it forces my body to squish close to him. His hands grip my ass and I press my lips to his, eliciting a growl from his throat.

So he’s not crazy about my dad after meeting him for five minutes.

So what?

And he doesn’t like Rigger.

Well, I can’t exactly judge him for that because Ben’s right. Rigger did cross a boundary. And one that might cost us our friendship. Not because I won’t forgive him but because I don’t know how to look at him now. Or hang around him. Am I supposed to just not think about it?

I definitely don’t want to think about it right now. I don’t want to think about anything.

I feel Ben grow hard as we kiss and I welcome it with a slow grind. His hands are in my hair and our bodies are writhing. I’m desperate to feel him inside me.

“This is fun,” he breathes, digging his teeth into the flesh of my neck. “But I can’t do what I want to do to you out here.”

“Say no more.”

I grab his door handle and shove it open so fast I nearly fall out of his lap and onto the ground. He grabs me in time, sending both of us into laughter.

Once we’re upstairs I throw my purse into the living room where it bounces off the couch and lands on the floor. Ritz stares at us from the coffee table, giving me a look that says he is not impressed.

“Yeah, well, I’m not here to impress you, buddy.”

“What?” Ben says, tugging my shirt over my head.

“Nothing. Just talking to my cat.”

“Oh. Just what I was about to do.” He smirks and I lightly punch his arm.

“Don’t be crass.”

“Ok. I’ll just keep it filthy.” His hands firmly grip my ass and he lifts me off the floor, carrying me down the hall to my room.

Ben says he refuses to apologize for anything. But the way he’s talking to my body right now feels like a great big apology, like he’s trying to make up for some wrong he committed.

His lips move down my neck then over my breasts as his hand cups between my legs, causing my core to ignite. He watches my face as he brings me pleasure, as if he wants to memorize my every reaction to his touch.

Bringing me to the edge and back multiple times, Ben has got me trembling, but I refuse to beg. Instead, I push his hand away and push up, forcing him to fall onto his back.

I straddle his quads, gripping his length in my hand. And I study it for a moment as he clasps his hands behind his head, watching me. I want to learn the way it reacts to my touch depending on how and where I touch it. And in the process, I realize how much I like having this power. It’s much more satisfying than being on my back and allowing another human to have that authority over me. Maybe I’m just not ready to give in that much.

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