Page 3 of Honor Me (Men of Inked 6)
My heart ached as I stared down at her. Suzy and I always had a passionate, lighthearted relationship—until now.
“I’m just gross,” she whispered and closed her eyes, letting the tears spill down the side of her face.
Every ounce of air I had inside my lungs evaporated. “Sugar, you’re absolutely stunning.” How could my beautiful, supersexy wife think that she was gross?
“You’re just saying that because you have to. Look at me, Joey. I’m enormous.”
“Suzy.” My voice was firm because I needed her to understand I was completely serious. “You’re just as beautiful as the day I rescued you on the side of the road.” She bit her lip and looked away. My thumb brushed against her cheek and I wanted to take away her pain and self-doubt. “I love you, Suzy.”
“I just can’t.” She wiggled out from underneath me and started to struggle to the edge of the bed. Her belly had grown so large with the twins that she couldn’t get out without a lot of energy or help. “Fucking shit!” Her arms flailed, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get to her feet.
I scooted over, about to give her a little help, when she turned to me and snarled, “Don’t.” I withdrew my hand. The look of a wild animal in her eyes had me backtracking. My sugary sweet baby girl had vanished, and the devil had taken up residence.
After she climbed off the bed in the most ungraceful way, she scurried to the bathroom and slammed the door.
Collapsing on my back, I stared up at the ceiling and exhaled. I wanted to take all of her pain, take the stress of the babies, and take everything away from her that was ripping her apart. The drawers near the sink in the bathroom opened and slammed. The water turned on and I heard her curse.
I scrubbed my hands down my face because as soon as the word fuck left her mouth, I knew that something big was simmering under the surface. With the babies coming soon, we needed to settle this shit between us.
I wanted my wife back, and I wouldn’t let her push me away for some crazy fantasy she had in her head that wasn’t my reality.
Fuck Pregnancy
Suzy
My life had been taken over by the babies that grew inside of me. They were so large, I couldn’t see my feet or do anything without being reminded that I was as big as a freaking house.
Being pregnant with Gigi was easy, and I thought this pregnancy would be the same. Little did I know that my guy would knock me up with twins. His sperm just had to be so strong that it found a way to hook up with two eggs and not the typical one.
He was all perfection.
I gained pounds every week while the little beasts grew inside of me.
Him?
Not an ounce.
He still had his six-pack and bulging biceps. Beautifully handsome with his dark hair and turquoise blue eyes that saw deep into my soul when I looked at him.
Every day when I glanced down at my ever-growing belly, I cursed myself. It’s one thing to be pregnant, and it’s quite another to let it get out of control. I felt, no matter how hard I tried to keep my weight under control, I just grew bigger.
How could he love me like this? I stared down and tried to remember what it was like to see my feet on the ground. I’d hit Weeble-wobble status and I was sick of it.
I lost it when we were having sex. How could he say those dirty things to me and mean them with how I looked?
There’s no way my perfectly built husband thought I was as beautiful as the day we met. I was riddled with stretch marks and a stomach as big as a beach ball.
“Sugar.” Joe knocked on the door while I sat on the edge of the tub, feeling sorry for myself.
“Go away.” I already regretted the way I acted—storming off like an idiot and opening my big mouth in the first place.
He didn’t deserve to be punished because of how I felt about myself. He’d never done anything to make me feel less than loved and adored, but it was too easy for doubt to creep in every time I looked at myself.
“Open the door or I’m knocking it down.”
“Are you going to yell at me?” I grimaced and waited for his reply, which I’m sure was about to go from upset to pissed off in a hurry.
A loud thud sounded and I heard his voice clear as day. “Baby, I’m not going to yell at you. We need to talk.” The handle jiggled. “Open the door.”
I pushed myself up, more like a contortionist than a woman, and reached for the door. “Oh, fuck,” I said before I could unlock the door, doubling over in the most extreme pain.
Fucking hell—contractions.
I hadn’t missed them. I would have liked to have said they were the worst part of labor, but when they cut you open to make more room for the baby… Yeah, that was the worst.
I did my Lamaze breathing just as I’d remembered, and like last time, that shit didn’t work.
“Suzy!” Joe shouted and turned the handle again. “Are you okay, baby?”
Damn it. Hunched over in so much pain, I waited for it to pass before I could let him in. “My water broke. Gimme a minute.” I clutched the sink and breathed through the final moments of my first contraction.
I could hear him breathing heavily, pacing outside the door separating us, and I was almost thankful to be in labor.
I no longer had to explain my behavior.
He’d flip out if I did. Joe loved me. He adored me. Cherished me like no man ever had, but being as big as a house and having two humans growing inside of me… I didn’t feel good enough.
“Suzy!” He pounded on the door frantically. “Open the door!”
“Coming,” I groaned, moving like I was walking on glass because I knew another contraction was soon to follow. I turned the lock, slowly stepping back to lean against the bathroom sink.
He walked in and scooped me into his arms like I weighed nothing. “We’ve got to get to the hospital.”
“Joe!” I squealed, panicked he’d drop me if I moved. “Put me down. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
He glanced down with his eyebrows downward. He gave me a look like I was crazy as he placed me on the bed. “Wait here.” He raced around the room, grabbing the already packed suitcase from the closet. “Do you need anything else?” Standing there naked, his hair a mess, I couldn’t help but smile at his nervousness.
“You need clothes, for sure.” I pointed at him, quirking an eyebrow as my finger drifted down to his beautiful, pierced cock.
“Right.” He ran his hand through his hair, messing it up more, and scanned the room. “Fuck. I shouldn’t be such a mess. This isn’t our first kid.”
“Nope.” I giggled when he grabbed whatever he could find and threw it on haphazardly. Everything that had just happened before my labor began was wiped away in an instant.
He stood with his hands on his hips and his shirt half on. “How can you be smiling?”
I looked, letting my eyes travel slowly up his body before settling on his handsome face. “You’re so adorable when you’re flustered.” My fingers curled around the edge of the comforter, and I readied myself for another contraction.
“Baby.” Joe kneeled and rested his hands on my belly. “I don’t know what’s going on inside that pretty head of yours, but I won’t forget it. You have me completely thrown off. Hopefully, after these two little soul suckers come out, everything will get back to normal.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shifted and cradled my face in his hands before kissing my lips. “I can’t believe soon we’re going to have three little ones.”
“I know.” I smiled and my eyes filled with tears, but not of joy… Yeah, I was happy, but the fear I had overshadowed it.
What if I couldn’t be a good mom to three?
What if I couldn’t be a good wife?
My days and nights would be filled with feedings, diaper changing, and caring for the little ones. I couldn’t see Joe and me having a ton of time together with them around.
I worried for us.
What if I couldn’t be th
e woman he wanted and needed?
Joe’s phone buzzed and broke the awkward silence before he had a chance to question me further. As he spoke to his mom, he kept glancing at me. I was never so happy for another contraction to start as I was when he hung up.
My insides squeezed and I could’ve sworn the two monsters inside me were trying to claw their way through my abdomen instead of readying themselves for a trip the natural way. “Oh.” I blew out a breath, huffing with puffed cheeks. “God.” I sucked in quickly. In. Out. In. Out. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the edge of the bed and held on for dear life.
“Let’s go, Sunshine.”
“Gigi.”
Out. In. Out. In. Hell, these were so much worse than last time.
