Page 69 of Need You Now

He looks at her quick, his eyebrows lifting. Then busts out a laugh. “Bullshit.”

“I can.” She pokes him in the side. “I used to practice with Sal. She never could do it, but I did.”

Seth glances at the waves. “Your mom surfed.”

“Yeah. Sal taught me her moves.” Lacey shivers, her hair whipped wild by the breeze. “Coming out here always makes me feel closer to her.” She leans into Seth as he wraps an arm around her shoulders to keep her warm. “I don’t even have memories; I was so little when she died. It was always Sal’s job to remember our mom. When Sal lost her memory, I felt like I lost my mom all over again, because Sal’s the one who had all the stories, and then suddenly she didn’t.” She shakes her head. “I know it’s selfish. Sal went through so much awful shit, and here I am worrying about—”

“Nah, that ain’t selfish.” Seth stops, turning her to stare into her face. “I never thought about it like that, Lace. That’s rough.”

“It is what it is.” Lacey lets go of Seth’s hand and drifts up the beach to the blanket they have spread out across the sand. “It’s about Sal. Protecting her. And what she does and doesn’t remember.”

“Like what?” Seth asks, following her.

Lacey drops to the towel, pulling her legs beneath her. Seth drops beside her, shoving the sleeves of his Henley up to expose lean, tan forearms. “Like our father for one. A cheating asshole.” Seth winces. “Like why I lived with them in college. She doesn’t need to know dumb stuff like that.”

Seth’s frowning. “You know, I still don’t know why you lived with them for those two years. Why you left San Diego. All I remember is you had that bedroom with all the pink.”

He chuckles. But she can’t.

Her heart’s a drumbeat. A countdown.

She gives him a quick look. “You really don’t know?”

He lifts his eyebrows. “No.”

Luke promised he wouldn’t tell anyone, and he kept his word. Seth doesn’t know.

She waves a dismissive hand, like she can chase away her heart. Hammering fast against her ribs. “You don’t want to hear the story, Seth.”

“I really do, Lace.”

“It was a long time ago.”

His eyes fish around hers. “Yeah, but it’s your long time ago,” he says, flashing a smile. “And I wanna know it.”

Seth’s sweet words stall out her heart. Normally, she’d duck and dodge. Evade. Control. But not anymore, and not with Seth. Because he’s asking, caring about her story, and Lacey finds herself wanting to tell him. Wanting him to know this part about her past. Even if it sucks.

She’s quiet for a long minute, keeping her eyes on the waves to ground her. Then she inhales a breath, steeling herself, gathering courage.

“So, after Sal moved to Nashville, I lived with my stepmother, you knew that, right?” she asks, glancing Seth’s way briefly, and he nods. “I was in high school and I felt like I had no one. I’ve always felt like that. That I’m left behind. That everyone leaves.” She holds up a hand when Seth opens his mouth. “I know it’s not like that, but ... our dad was always deployed or sneaking around with Vivian when he was home. Then mom died. Then Sal left for college and I was stuck in that house with that ... that witch woman. And it’s so stupid, but I felt like here I was, and everyone I loved was halfway across the world or just gone.”

Lacey hugs her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. “I didn’t know what to do. I felt lost. Alone. And my stepmother was awful. I hated her so much, Seth. And I was so angry, so sad all the time.” She closes her eyes. “I started doing things to myself. To my body.”

Beside her, she feels Seth tense. “What kind of things?” he asks, worry in his voice.

Her gaze settles on Seth—his frown deepening—and then moves back to the ocean.

“I ... I was bulimic. It wasn’t a lot of the time or all the time. It was only when things in that house got out of control and I felt anxious.” She blows out a breath, remembering. Remembering how when she stuck her fist down her throat, she had a feeling of control she’d never felt before. “I know it sounds weird, but it comforted me. It made me feel less alone.”

Heat builds behind her eyes. “It got bad in San Diego. One night, I passed out in the shower. I spent five hours in a hospital with a drip in my arm, and all my stepmother could do was tell me I should have learned how to hide it better.”

“Shit, Lacey ...” Seth looks like someone hit him across the face with a two-by-four. “Fuck. That’s fuckin’ messed up.”

Lacey sighs, a tear slipping down her cheek. “That’s why I went and lived with Sal and Luke those two years when they first got married. I had to get out of that house. In Nashville, I went to outpatient treatment during the day and community college at night. Like some kind of weird double life.” She chuckles sardonically. “Sal and Luke—they gave me a home and got me help. They saved me. I couldn’t have made it without them.

“I’m okay now. I went to therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. I have the beach. I’ll probably always have a weird relationship with food, but no one really gets over their things, right?”

A wince crosses Seth’s face.

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